it's you, it's always been you

"what if.."

(Part 2 of the what if chapters. There will be a part 3 I decided just now. This did not happen in real life to the other chapters. It is a dream Deena is having.)

Sam felt her heart break even more the moment she got the call that her dad passed. He died instantly when the drunk driver hit him head on.

Since Deena broke up with her, she focused on college. She poured herself into every class, paper, exam and essay. She needed to distract herself until she was too tired to think of Deena.

But it never worked and Sam would go to the top of her apartment building some nights and look at the moon and stars, think about the countless night she did with Deena. Sometimes she hoped Deena was looking up too.

Sam waited for Deena to call or visit her for two years. But she never did. She waited and yearned for Deena and never thought about moving on in those years.

The night Deena broke up with her was the first night Sam did drugs and she did it the night after that.

She only stopped when her mother found out and put her in rehab for a month. And after that her mother threatened to cut Sam off and kick her out if Sam didn't focus on her grades.

After that, Sam became addicted to being the highest GPA in her class. She was studying to be an oncologist. A doctor that specializes in cancer research and cancer patients.

Sam felt nauseous the moment she entered Shadyside for her dads funeral. She was his only child and he never remarried so his house and the funeral was all up to Sam.

Sam flew to Shadyside the night she got the call about her dad.

She knew Deena would attend the funeral. Her dad and Deena got to know each other as Sam got chemotherapy in the hospital.

Sam cleared out her dad's stuff and her stuff from his house into storage or donated it. And put the house up for sale as soon as she got to Shadyside.

She planned to stay there the shortest amount of time as she could.

As Sam planned the funeral, she didn't know what her dad wanted when he passed. So she chose to bury him, even though that would take longer and keep Sam in Shadyside longer.

She didn't know how she would react when she saw Deena again. She had no idea how Deena would react either. And Sam felt nauseous and light headed as the funeral started.

Sam had people come up to her to give her their condolences and so many more people showed up than she thought.

She was busy for most of the funeral, helping set things up and people stopping to ask her about college and her life now in New York. She was so overwhelmed with people that she forgot for the moment to look for Deena.

It was towards the end of the funeral, and most of the people left but some were still waiting to talk to Sam.

Deena didn't take her eyes off Sam during the whole funeral.

Sam had grown so much in the past three years. Deena though Sam had gotten even more beautiful and stunning and Deena's jaw hung agape the moment she saw Sam.

Deena waited outside the door until everyone had left. She waited to try to talk to Sam again until they could be alone.

Sam's back was facing Deena as she approached Sam. Sam was carrying cards with her dads face on them. And was looking down at them when she turned and ran into Deena.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry," Sam said, immediately kneeling to the ground to pick them up, not even looking at the person she ran into.

Deena froze the second Sam turned around and it took a moment for her to kneel down and help pick up the cards.

Sam was reaching for the cards the other person picked up when she saw the ring on the persons finger. And she knew who it was right away.

She stood up to face Deena as she did the same.

Deena had grown also, and Sam couldn't help but notice the more gorgeous Deena got.

Sam's heart stopped the moment she made eye contact with Deena. She had thought about this moment so many times.

She practiced what she wanted to say and imagined it in her head for three years but all those thoughts went away the moment it was actually happening.

"Sam.." Deena spoke. She was frozen in place also.

"How could you do that, Deena?" Sam felt the pain of the break up all over again at the sight of Deena.

"We fucking planned to get married the moment we could. I gave you all of me. I only lived for you at one point. You broke all those promises. It was supposed to be you and me always. It was so good. I was so in love with you. I believed in you. You fucking broke me. I waited for you. For two years I waited for you. I waited for you to call. For you to visit me. You knew where I was the whole time. I waited for you. I never gave up for those two years. All those moments and years together meant nothing to you. How could you?" Sam's bottom lip started to tremble as she spoke.

Sam felt so raw in the moment and could fight the urge to speak what she was dying to tell Deena. She waited a moment after she spoke for Deena to say something.

Deena couldn't believe that Sam spoke to her. Let alone Sam speaking to her about the break up. She was so in shock, her mouth just hung open and she couldn't find anything to say besides, "Sam.." and it came out of Deena's lips so soft, Sam could barely hear it.

Sam shook her head at Deena. She couldn't hide all the pain she felt in that moment and ran out of the building and to her dad's car she was using.

She sat down in the front seat, resting her head on the steering wheel as she started crying.

Deena stood there in the same spot, completely stunned that moment just happened. It took Simon coming back inside after waiting in the car to pull Deena out of her trance.

"It was bad, I'm sorry Deena. Did she speak to you?" Simon asked when they got into the car.

Deena felt hot tears on the edge of her eyes, feeling the pain she caused Sam after Sam spoke to her.

"Y-Yeah... she did.. I didn't. I was so shocked she was talking to me. I fucked up so bad Simon. I hurt her so bad. And I couldn't even talk to her right now." Deena covered her face with her hands as the tears started to fall and Simon hugged her until she calmed down.

Sam collapsed on the couch at her dad's house. She was feeling so drained and exhausted in every way.

She sat in her dads car for an hour, trying to process what she said and Deena only repeating her name.

But she kept picturing the ring she gave Deena on Deena's hand.

She was so stunned Deena  wore it and it confused her even more.