it's you, it's always been you

chapter 14

Hours had passed as Deena paced around the waiting room. Simon and Kate had joined them a few hours ago but there was still no update about Sam.

The idea ran through Deena's mind about calling Sam's parents, but she knew Sam wouldn't want them there. She knew that Sam felt that Deena, Simon, Kate and Josh were enough for her.

Kate stood a few times to get Deena to calm down and sit down, and Simon tried also but nothing worked. They knew better than to tell Deena everything's going to be alright, it would only make Deena more upset because she didn't think it was going to be true.

Just as Deena was about to explode with frustration, a doctor walked through the doors that Sam was brought through. A clipboard in his hand as he yelled out Sam's name.

Deena practically ran to the doctor, almost tripping over herself. Kate, Simon and Josh followed her, all of them terrified about what the doctor was going to say.

"She's stable now, she's in room 405 if you want to see her. But she hasn't woke up yet, we tried multiple times, even with adrenaline, but this can happen sometimes with late stage cancer patients. It seems like she stopped taking her medicine, the most important one that was prescribed to attack the cancer cells in her bone marrow and blood tissue. I don't know her as a patient before today, and I spoke to her main doctor who will see her later on this day.  But I think her family and her and you guys needs to sit down with him and seriously consider other options. She's stage three and closely getting to stage four, and there's not a lot of choices for her now. But she is fine right now and for the time being. She is now caught up with her medicine but she's extremely exhausted with how low her blood count is."

Kate held onto Deena's arm, fearing that she would fall or faint even as the doctor spoke.

Deena's heart physically ached as the doctor explained what's going on with Sam. She had no one Sam was stage three, and she had no idea Sam stopped taking her medicine. She felt a moment of anger at Sam from keeping that all away from her, but being angry with her wouldn't solve anything right now.

Guilt washed over Deena, she should have paid more attention to Sam's medicine. She should've asked more questions. She should've used Josh's computer and found everything out about Sam's cancer as she could.

As soon as the doctor left, Deena ran to the nearest trash can and puked. Hunched over it for a moment to make sure she wasn't going to throw up again.

Simon and Josh looked away as soon as they realized what Deena was doing. Kate ran to the bathroom to get towels wet and dry ones for Deena, and got cups of water for her.

All three of them didn't know what to say to Deena, they were devastated and sad for Sam also, and they felt sorry for Deena also.

They all knew how much Deena loved Sam. They knew it ever since they were young kids in middle school. Deena was always helping Sam, and they spent so much time together. Deena would bring Sam flowers at recess. And as they all grew up together and into high school, they watched as Sam dated guys, and how much it hurt Deena, but she had a feeling every time Sam dated a guy, that it wouldn't last long and that the guys didn't mean much to Sam.

Sam still hung out with Deena every chance she got, even though Sam was dating other people.

Deena knew that all this time she was waiting for Sam, and as corny as it sounded to Deena, she was waiting for her one true love, her soulmate, something she never believed in until she loved Sam.  It felt like the love between them had been around for centuries and it was meant for them.

Deena walked into Sam's room first. Sam looked so much more weak than the last time she visited her at the hospital. She had so much hope for Sam then, that she believed Sam when she said she was getting and feeling better.

Sam had an oxygen cord hooked up to her nose and there was beeping on a monitor that showed Sam's heartbeats, and she was grateful for being able to see that.

Kate, Simon and Josh stood back as they let Deena have her time with Sam. They knew how heartbroken she was in this moment and that the whole thing that could make her feel better was Sam.

Deena leaned down onto the bed, Sam looked so peaceful there, not in pain like the last time she saw her. She had the color back in her face, her cheeks with a light shade of pink blush.

She tucked Sam's hair behind both of her ears, making sure to be as gentle as possible. She gently kissed Sam's forehead then sat down right next to the bed and held onto Sam's hand.

"Sam wake up, please. I need you, w-we need you. You can't leave me Sam, you can't leave like this. You are so strong, everything you've been through. You fight through it everyday, I see it. And I know you have the strength to get through this. And I'm going to be right here, holding you up the whole time. I love you so fucking much. I want to marry you, I want the whole white picket fence and dog running around in the yard. And us bickering about something stupid and maybe there's a kid. I would do anything, to able to give you everything Sam."

Deena laid her head down on the bed next to Sam's waist. She was completely exhausted after everything but she was too scared to sleep, too scared to do anything except be next to Sam.

Kate and Simon and Josh all joined Deena in Sam's room.

They talked about if they should tell Sam's parents yet, and they all agreed that they wouldn't yet. Deena knew that her time with Sam would be limited if Sam's mom showed up.

She was also terrified at the thought of how her moms presence would hurt Sam and make her so much more weak.

As Deena laid her head on the bed next to Sam, she brought her hands together, desperately praying and begging God to not take Sam away, to let her stay and let Deena give her everything Sam wanted.

She wasn't sure if any God was listening to her prayers, but Deena was out of options and growing more and more desperate as each second passed with Sam in the hospital.