it's you, it's always been you

chapter 65

Sam had to take multiple breaks to sit down on her way. She wished Olivia would show up for once and offer her another ride, like the last time she ran away.

The paper towels were soaked in blood now, and it terrified Sam, but she kept moving towards Deena's house.

The fight between her and Deena replayed through her mind as she walked up to Deena's front door.

She sighed as she took out her keys and opened the door.

Sam went to the kitchen and took her pills she missed a few hours ago.

She knew Deena was home because her car was there. Sam went to Deena's door, she thought of knocking but just opened the door anyways.

Deena had finally calmed down and sat on the edge of her bed. She reread the letter Sam wrote her from the hospital if something ever happened to her.

Deena's heart aches for Sam. To know where she was and if she was safe and she knew Sam had missed a dose of her medicine. She decided she was going to go look for Sam if Sam didn't show up for her next dose.

She took out the notebook that held all the letters Deena wrote Sam. She needed to talk to Sam. She needed to see Sam. She missed Sam so much even though she knew Sam hated her right now.

Deena put the letters in her night stand when she heard her door opened and turned to see who it was.

Her jaw dropped and she was stunned to see Sam standing in her room. And then Deena saw the blood on Sam's shirt and was instantly worried.

"Sam... I.. I'm so sorry," Deena stood, completely shocked that Sam was in front of her.

"Deena I need to go to the hospital, I lost a lot of blood. Can you please take me? I can't make it if I walk there." Sam's heart broke at the look on Deena's face and how hurt she looked. Sam held out the blood soaked towels for Deena to see.

"Holy shit.. yeah of course. Let's go." Deena followed Sam as they made it to her car.

She was still stunned that Sam would even want to talk to Deena and came over to her house.

Sam laid her head back on the seat when she got in Deena's car closed her eyes. She knew she had things to say to Deena and they needed to talk but she was getting too weak from the blood loss.

Deena glanced at Sam the whole time on the way to the hospital. There was so much she wanted to say to Sam. She wanted to beg her not to hate her.

"Thank you for taking me. I know we need to talk and we both have things to say but I don't feel well right now, but I promise to talk to you, okay?" Sam said as she winced in pain from applying pressure to her side.

"Of course, I'll always take you no matter how much you hate me." Deena felt some relief at Sam's words. That she promised to talk with Deena when she felt better.

"I don't hate you Deena. I couldn't hate you ever, if I tried. I can't ever stop loving you. I tried." The words poured out of Sam, she still felt so emotional and raw from their fight earlier.

Deena stopped at a stop sign and looked at Sam for a moment, until the car behind her beeped at her.

Deena wasn't sure what else to say to Sam, she had so much to say but she knew Sam was too weak to want to talk about it yet.

Deena parked at the ER and immediately got out to help Sam to the ER.

Sam talked at the desk and Deena wasn't sure Sam wanted her to follow, until Sam reached out her hand for Deena to take. She couldn't help but smile at the gesture.

Deena sat next to Sam in the chair next to the doctors table Sam was sitting on.

As the nurse lifted Sam's shirt and pulled off the bandage, both Sam and Deena winced as they looked away from it.

Sam reached for Deena's hand and held it tightly as they cleaned and stitched her wound back up and applied a new dressing. The nurse gave her extra dressings to replace the others.

Once they were finished Sam laid back on the table and closed her eyes. "Deena you lied to me again and broke a promise. And you made so many promises. I'm terrified that you would break those too."

Deena was caught off guard when Sam started talking about what happened earlier at her dads house.

"I know and I'm sorry for that. I am not going to break those promises. But I had to tell him, Sam. I'm so scared what would happen if you felt that way again. And you've been through so much Sam. All your life, your parents and how they treated you. You've been hurt so many times and for so long. I understand that. And I'm not judging you. But we need to talk about it." Deena took Sam's hand and held it with both of hers. She didn't regret telling her dad, but she regretted what happened after her dad talked to her about it.

"I know. I let you in where I've never trusted anyone enough. But I don't hate you Deena. No matter how angry or hurt you make me, I can't stop being in love with you. I tried so hard today to force myself to stop loving you... I don't know about therapy or whatever. But I realized if it was the other way around I would've done the same thing. It fucking sucked that you keep lying to me but I would've done the same." Sam turned her head and looked at Deena. It was true, Sam would've done the same thing.

Just as Deena was about to speak again, a nurse came in the room for paperwork for Sam to fill out.

Sam turned in the paperwork at the desk and Deena put her hand on Sam's shoulder as they walked to the car. She knew how weak Sam was from all the blood she lost so she stayed close by Sam in case she needed support.

Deena looked over at Sam was they both got in the car.

Sam felt Deena's eyes on her and it took a moment before Sam met her gaze.

"Is it done? Did I ruin us?" Deena asked, and Sam's heart ached at the look of sadness in Deena's eyes.

"No, it will never be done. Now come here, I can't lean over to you, I'm worried to open the stitch again." Sam held her hand out to hold Deena's to pull her closer.

Relief washed over Deena as Sam spoke and leaned over the car console and kissed Sam, careful at first because Sam still looked so fragile.