it's you, it's always been you

chapter 60

"Can you not tell my dad or anyone about what I said? How I gave up when I got cancer and only lived for you.." Just repeating the words out loud saddened Sam. She felt that way, but she never wanted Deena to hear it.

Deena looked over at Sam in the passengers seat. She saw how scared Sam looked when she talked about her honest feelings. Especially about Sam only living for her.

It scared and hurt Deena to know how that is how Sam felt. She only fought through the cancer for her.

"Yes, I won't tell anyone, Sam. But if you ever feel that way again, please promise tell me?"

Sam reached for Deena's hand, kissing the back of it before intertwining their fingers. "I don't think I will feel like that again, but I promise. I love you."

"I love you too, Sam." A soft smile played on Deena's lips when Sam kissed the back of her hand.

She had just got discharged from the hospital, her blood cell count was up and they tested before she left that there were no new cancer cells in her blood.

Simon and Kate brought Deena's car to the hospital after leaving it at the school when Deena rode to the hospital in the ambulance with Sam.

"Oh! I almost forgot. I wanted to give this to you after prom, but I'll give it to you now." Deena reached in her cars console and pulled out a set of keys.

"You know how I told you that you can call my house your house and my bed your bed? Well I made you keys for the house." Deena handed the keys to Sam.

"I know now that your dad has a place, but it's still yours. No matter what. I remember once how my mom joked with my dad about adopting you when we were kids. I'm glad they didn't, but it's always been your home too, if you want it."

Sam had a wide smile on her face the moment Deena handed her the keys. She was in awe of Deena in this moment, how sweet the gesture was and how much it meant to Deena.

"I do want it. Thank you, Deena. This is so sweet of you and I love it so much. This is amazing." Sam took her hand back from holding Deena's and leaned over to hug Deena.

She didn't care about the pain she felt at her side, she hugged Deena so tightly and kissed her as she pulled back.

Sam put the set of keys in her pocket, "I'm going to always have them."

Deena had a huge smile that mirrored Sam's. She turned on her car and started driving out of the hospital parking lot.

"I'm glad they didn't either," Sam let out a small laugh, playing with the keys in her pocket.

"Although, the last time I saw her, when she was in the hospital, I whispered in her ear that she was the mom I always wanted." Sam looked from Deena to put the window as she spoke.

Over the years since she died, Sam and Deena didn't talk a lot about her death. But both of them felt how much they missed her everyday.

"She told me once that we were family, you and I, but not as sisters. I think she knew how big of a crush I had on you since we were young," Deena thought back in the memory, of when her mom talked to her about it.

In the same conversation she told Deena that she knew she wasn't straight. And that it was okay and she loved her. Deena had a feeling she knew about Sam and her, all those years ago.

"Really?" Sam looked back at Deena and laughed, "She told me the same thing. About how we were close like family but not sisters. Wow."

Sam reached over to Deena and put her hand between Deena's shoulder and neck, running her hand slowly back and forth across her back to comfort her.

Sam wasn't paying attention to where Deena was driving until they pulled up to the restaurant where they always got their cheeseburgers from.

"I thought you deserved it. After getting shot for me." Deena joked as she winked at Sam.

Sam laughed as Deena handed her a cheeseburger. "It was so worth it just to get this," Sam said when a laugh as she took a bite.

Deena put a mixtape in the cars radio, and hit play. The song, "Hey," by the Pixies, started playing and Sam turned the radio up.

Sam and Deena sat in her car, finishing the sandwiches and then after they were done they laughed and sang to the songs on the way back to Deena's house.

When they walked up to the front door, Sam stopped Deena from opening it and Sam used the set of keys for the first time to open the front door which made Deena laugh as Sam insisted on doing it.

Sam took Deena's hand and pulled her into her room, well now, like Deena said, their room.

The moment Deena closed the door behind them, Sam wrapped her arms around Deena's neck and kissed her.

Deena wrapped her arms tightly around Sam's waist, careful to not touch Sam's wounds. From getting her spleen removed and the bullet wound.

Sam led Deena to their bed, Deena sitting on the edge of it and Sam straddling Deena's lap.

Sam took off her shirt, and looked down at the bandages on her torso.

"My body is a mess. So many wounds and holes in me now." Sam sighed.

Deena's fingers lightly grazed over Sam's bandages. She leaned down to kiss both bandages gently.

"You're still here and survived all of it. I love your body. I love you." Deena said as she leaned forward to catch Sam's lips.