it's you, it's always been you

chapter 22

Sam let go of Deena's hand, and pulled back from Simon's hug. She walked up to her dad, scared at first because of the look on his face and that he wasn't saying anything.

She was still stunned by him and what he said to her mother, and how he promised Sam to be a better dad.

Sam wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for a hug.

Before he hugged her at the hospital when she cried, she honestly didn't know the last time they had hugged.

He wrapped his arms around Sam, letting a few tears fall as he closed his eyes. "I love you, kid, don't do that again. Ever. We are going to fight this."He said as he pulled back from the hug.

Sam looked up at him with a sad, but proud smile on her face, he just told her that he loved her, the first time in years. It made her heart ache, with sadness, anger, but mostly hope.

She hoped for the first time in a long time that she was loved by her family, at least one parent did. She nodded at him, then looked back at Deena.

Deena had a smile on her face, she was happy for Sam to hear that from her dad. She always knew how much Sam craved love from her parents. And how it affected Sam everyday to not feel loved by her parents.

Kate, Simon and Josh all said bye to Sam, each of them with worried and sad faces as they did. Sam's dad said that he would be at the hospital the first thing in the morning and that he trusted Deena to keep her there.

Deena led Sam to the car, holding her hand the entire time, neither of them were nervous to hold hands in front of the others anymore.

When they both got in the car, Sam looked at Deena with a smirk on her face. Deena looked back her confused to what Sam was thinking.

"So, safe to say we are girlfriends now, right?" Part of Sam was nervous to what Deena would say, even though Deena just declared her love to Sam and even said she wanted to marry her.

Deena laughed, and smiled at Sam as she leaned in to kiss her. "Yes, I believe we are. I did just tell you I wanted to marry you." Deena said as she pulled back from the kiss, a wide smile on her face.

"Mhm, I love the sound of that. Girlfriend, wife." Sam whispered on Deena's lips before kissing her again.

"But I have a request before we get to the hospital, girlfriend." Sam smiled as she sat back in the passengers seat.

"Oh no, what is it?" Deena started the car, a smile on her face when Sam called her girlfriend.

"I don't want to think about the food they will make me eat there. Could my future wife please stop and pick up cheeseburgers? Before I get confined to my hospital bed." Sam had a playful tone as she spoke, trying to make things light even though the thought of staying in the hospital bed for the near future sadden Sam.

Deena leaned across the middle console of the car, kissing her girlfriend again. She felt her heart skip a beat when Sam called Deena, her future wife. She was still processing the fact Sam even wanted to be girlfriends.

Deena dreamed of having this with Sam. Of calling Sam her girlfriend. Of being able to kiss Sam, to hold her hand, to freely and honestly tell Sam how much she loved her. How in love she's always been with her.

"Of course, my love." Deena was anxious to get Sam back to the hospital, but with the look Sam gave her, plus calling Deena her future wife, she gave in to Sam's request without hesitation.

Deena drove to their usual restaurant to get their food, they've done this so many times together, but this time felt different. Sam was in love with Deena, and they were girlfriends.

But it was also sad to the both of them, although they didn't talk about it, they both noticed how different it was because Sam had cancer, and it hasn't gotten better. And she had to be in the hospital, neither of them knowing how long she needs to be there.

"My hero," Sam said with a smile on her face when Deena handed Sam her cheeseburger.

Deena turned the radio up as they ate, they were smiling and laughing at first, but as they ate and not spoke, they both thought about how they had no control over the future ahead of them.

Sam was half way through her cheeseburger when she started crying. It scared Deena at first, setting the food to the side as she moved to hold Sam.

Neither of them said it, but they both knew why she was crying.

Sam started crying harder, her breathing heavy as her crying turned into sobbing. The sound muffled from her face on Deena's shoulder.

But as Sam's cries got louder and harder, Deena also started crying, but didn't want Sam to see, so she tried to calm herself down before Sam could notice.

Neither of them could ignore the looming chance that Sam could die.

But part of Sam wasn't scared of that. She was scared of laying in the hospital bed, barely having any energy to be able to move. How she was going to puke and get sick so often now. How miserable she would feel. How sad she would make the people around her feel.

She was scared of losing her hair, because she was scared of how Deena would see all this happen. She was scared of the thought Deena found her disgusting at all by how much more sick Sam was going to get.

"I love you so much Sam, like your dad said, we are going to fight this. Even when you are too tired to fight. I'll do it for the both of us." Deena kissed Sam's forehead. "This is going to work. We will make it through this." Deena closed her eyes as she held Sam even tighter.