it's you, it's always been you

chapter 15

Deena slowly fell asleep as she laid her head on Sam's hospital bed, her hands still holding onto Sam's hands.

She hoped that Sam heard everything she said. It was how she truly felt. If Sam wanted the white picket fence and a dog and maybe a child, she would build a family for her. She would do anything to give Sam everything.

The sound of a nurse on the other side of Sam, doing something with Sam's IV, woke Deena up. She looked at Sam, who hasn't changed at all since she was awake. Then looked back as Simon, Kate and Josh were right outside the room sitting there and eating candy.

Deena got up, letting go of Sam's hands to go talk to the three. Their faces were etched in worry and empathy for Sam and Deena. "You guys can go if you want. I'm going to spend the night. A doctor said that they would call Sam's parents in the morning so I want to stay until then. Simon could you take Josh home?"

Simon nodded as soon as Deena asked, they all stood up and hugged Deena, even Josh who didn't really show affection.

Kate made Deena promise to call and update them on Sam later.

Deena walked them out, then went to her car to fetch her school book bag, so she had something to do as she waited for Sam to wake up instead of just staring at Sam and feeling miserable.

She stepped outside the room, not wanting to watch the nurses and doctors as they helped Sam. The past month has been a roller coaster of emotions.

She was so emotionally exhausted by now, and all she could do was wait for the doctors to treat Sam and pray to God it would work this time.

Deena waited a few moments before going to Sam's room again.

She couldn't muster the strength in the moment to see Sam so sick and not feeling like the Sam she's always known and loved.

She knew now that it would take awhile before she saw that Sam again. And Deena would do anything to help Sam get better. It truly killed her inside to see Sam in the hospital bed and in pain.

A teary eyed Deena made her way to the side of Sam's bed, and looking up from the floor to see Sam awake and looking at her.

Even though what just happened was traumatic to see Sam like that, Deena smiled at Sam and Sam returned a weak but soft smile in return.

"I'm sorry I got sick again and killed the mood in the kitchen," Sam composed herself and slowly brought herself to sit up more and finally talk to Deena. She weakly gave a laugh as she spoke.

She could tell by Deena's face that she's been distraught and upset and even in pain for awhile.

She didn't remember how or why she was in the hospital until the nurses told her all that happened when she woke up.

She remembered Deena taking care of her and the bath and then talking to Josh as they happily ate in Deena's kitchen.

But then she remembered that she missed doses of her medications which made her so frustrated with herself , at how reckless that was of her.

And now she was in the hospital again, and she felt awful that she put Deena through all this again.

"Sam, you don't have to be sorry for one single moment. It's okay and there will be many more times to make up for it, right?" Deena leaned into Sam, her chair already right next to Sam as possible.

Sam brought her hand to Deena's shoulder, pulling her closer to her. "Yes , so many more times. I'll definitely make it up to you." Sam hummed as she guided Deena to sit on her hospital bed also, and weakly leaned forward and softly kissed Deena.

Sam didn't realize until now how much she truly missed the taste of Deena's lips and how beautiful it made her feel when Deena kissed her.

They kissed each other slowly, savoring the moment. After what they gone through in the past day and Deena had no idea when and if she was going to kiss Sam again as she held Sam on the floor of her kitchen.

Sam started to feel better as the day and night went on, she was back on routine of her medicine which Deena brought up and made Sam promise to not skip doses on purpose and tell her if there was a problem at all.

Deena promised to herself and to Sam that she was going to pay so much more attention and take better care of Sam.

"It's not your fault at all Deena. I had my medicine at my parents and I couldn't bring myself to go there after what happened." Sam paused as she shut her eyes, images of that night and Caleb ran through her mind.

"I knew she would turn what happened around and blame me and call me a slut so I thought I could handle it. But I couldn't and now I know to be better with it. I promise I will be. I will be better towards myself, for you." Sam genuinely promised Deena.

She took Deena's hand and brought them to her lips, she kissed the back of Deena's hand which made Deena blush at the gesture.

Deena got her bag from her car when she walked her friends and brother out.

She sat on the chair next to Sam's bed and read the book out loud that was assigned to them in their English class.

Sam watched as Deena read out loud and laid back in bed, feeling content and comfortable for the first time since she came to the hospital. She could listen to Deena talk forever.

She never had a closeness before with anyone like she has with Deena. She didn't tell Deena yet, but she heard Deena talk about how Sam couldn't leave yet, that Deena needed her.

That Deena wanted to give Sam the white picket fence and a dog and a kid and that she wanted to marry Sam the day they were allowed to.

That future played in Sam's mind as she listened to Deena. It would be perfect to Sam and all she yearned for since she was young. She wanted a true family.

A family that was more than merely blood. She wanted to build a family that loved and supported each other unconditionally. Deena was the way to build this family. Her and Deena were the way out.

Deena stopped reading the moment Sam's dad walked through the door into Sam's.

Deena didn't know much about Sam's dad other then he barely ever showed up for Sam and only visited her two times when she was in the hospital for over a week. Or that he was always at work or the golf course.

Sam's gaze followed Deena's the moment she stopped reading. Deena looked nervous, as neither of them knew what Sam's dad would react to Deena's presence next to Sam.

"It's okay," Sam's dad spoke towards Deena as he stepped closer in the room. He looked upset, and Sam assumed that the doctors had just talked to him about what happened to Sam.

Sam's dad cleared his throat before he started speaking, "They said that the medicine worked for the now, but soon if you don't get better that they would start chemotherapy." The mere sound of that word terrified Sam.

"It's okay if you're here Deena," the sentence completely surprised both Sam and Deena after her dad said it. "You help Sam so much and for that I am grateful."

Their faces mirrored each other's, with complete shock. It was the most Deena's ever heard Sam's dad talk and she was thankful that he seemed nicer than his wife.

It was then that Sam's mom came into the room, her voice loud as soon as she entered the room. "This girl really messed you up Sam. You were so sweet before her. And now I heard that Caleb was arrested, I spoke to him. He said that you guys were in the room and that you lied to the police about what happened. As soon as you get discharged you're going to talk to the sheriff and tell him the truth!"

Deena couldn't believe what she was hearing from Sam's mom. She knew that Caleb would tell a different version of what happened that night, but she didn't think that Sam's mom would be so quick to believe him.

"You're coming with me to Sunnyvale. I will have to drag you with the cops again if I have to."