it's you, it's always been you

chapter 45

Sam leaned forward and buried her face in her hands the moment she sat in the passengers seat of Deena's car.

Deena ran her hand up and down Sam's back. It was obvious to her that Sam was hurting, but Sam's mom is going to know about them now that Olivia saw them kissing.

Even though Sam was out of her mom's house, she still had a grip on Sam. Sam still yearned for her love and acceptance after all the things she's put Sam through.

"I need my pain pills, I can't stand it anymore. I tried to hold off as long as I could." Sam spoke as she let her hands down and leaned back against the seat.

"Okay, they're at the house. Do you want to go?" Deena asked, her hand moved to Sam's knee.

"Yeah, I need those and your bed more than anything right now. And you." Sam took Deena's hand that was on her knee and brought it to her lips, kissing the back it. The gesture made Deena blush every time and Sam loved it.

Deena drove Sam home and made sure she took her medicine and only enough that she was allowed to have.

Sam took off her jeans and changed into one of Deena's sweaters and shorts. The second the clothes were on, made Sam feel more relaxed and warm.

Deena smiled at Sam when she put one of Deena's sweaters on again, remembering how selfish she was before to be hurt by Sam wearing her own clothes.

"My clothes feel so uncomfortable now. I'm so used to yours. You're going to run out of clothes if I wear yours constantly too." Sam joined Deena as they sat on her bed.

"I missed seeing you in them. Even though it was just for one day. You can call this your bed too, you know. Our bed. This can be your house too. If you want, I mean, just like you keep saying take me to your house. It can be yours too. With how often you are here." Deena turned towards Sam, her hand in Sam's lap as Sam held her's.

Sam's gaze locked with Deena as she looked up from their hands. Sam missed having her hands constantly on Deena. She missed her warmth and how a single touch from Deena made her feel better.

"You are my home, Deena. I'm only feel at home when I'm with you." She took Deena's face with both of her hands and kissed her, just as deeply as she did in the bathroom earlier.

Deena's hands went to Sam's waist, holding on to her hips, she noticed how much more boney they felt under her fingers than before the hospital.

Sam pushed Deena back so she could straddle her on her lap. A leg on both sides of Deena waist. She broke the kiss to look down at Deena, her fingers brushing back and tucking Deena's curls behind her ears.

Deena's hands rested at Sam's waist, her fingers toying with the waistline of Deena's shorts that Sam was wearing.

"You're my home too, Sam." She leaned forward to kiss her for a moment. "But are you sure you want a blue house?" She smiled up at Sam as she asked.

Sam rolled her eyes playfully at Deena. "Yes, a blue house and pink walls." Sam hummed against Deena's lips and catches them for another kiss before she could argue about the pink walls.

She wraps her fingers around the back of Deena's neck, tugging her closer to Sam. Sam craved to be able to kiss her again like this. She never had the energy to at the hospital or she was busy being taken for some testing she needed done or for chemotherapy.

Now she could make out with her girlfriend in the privacy of her room and not have to hide in her cold hospital bathroom.

Sam could feel the pain medicine kick in and making her feel like she could fall asleep soon. She sat up and pulled her lips from Deena's and Deena groaned when she did, causing Sam to laugh.

"Remember when I ate you out in my hospital room's bathroom?" Sam asked with a smirk on her face as her fingers played with a strand of Deena's dark hair.

The remark caught Deena by surprise and caused her to laugh, as her cheeks grew hot at the memory.

"I could never forget that, my love. That was heaven." She kissed her girlfriend again, a smile still on her lips.

"I'm about to pass out. I can feel the meds kicking in finally." Sam brought herself off Deena's lap and into the bed.

Sam slid into her usual spot on Deena's bed. She lifted up the covers and patted the spot next to her for Deena to join her.

She happily obliged her girlfriends request and laid next to her under the covers.

Sam melted into Deena's arms, her head instantly laying on her shoulder as an arm wrapped around Deena's waist.

Deena didn't know how she could fall asleep before sleeping with Sam in her arms every night. All the pain and tragedy that was Shadyside, was worth it for these moments with Sam.