it's you, it's always been you

chapter 140

Sam couldn't find the strength in herself to meet Deena's eyes as she pulled out of Deena's arms.

She was so confused in the moment on what she was going to do. She wanted Deena with every part of her , but she needed to keep Deena safe at the same time.

Now that Peter told Deena some of what her mom was putting her through, she wasn't certain how Deena felt after what they just did together.

"Sam, please look at me," Deena whispered and took Sam's face between her hands.

Sam sighed and finally met Deena's gaze. All the thoughts and anxiety left her mind as she looked into the eyes shes been dreaming about and longing for every night.

Sam pulled her dress back down and straighten it out. She then wrapped her hands around Deena's wrists as Deena held onto her face.

"I love you so much. I need you to come back to me. Please, Sam. Come back. I don't get what this has to do with my dad and brother. But please come back to me. Tell me what I can do to make it better."

The pained look on Deena's face as she pleaded with Sam made Sam's heart ache. Sam leaned forward and closed her eyes as her forehead rested on Deena's.

"I want to, Deena. So badly. I love you. It's so hard to live without you. I only get up and go to school to be near you, life is miserable without you." Sam shut her eyes tighter, trying not to let tears fall.

Sam leaned back and pulled Deenas hands off of her face.  

"Deena, it hurts me too, but you have to stay away. I don't want you or Josh to not be safe. I'm so sorry."

Hurt ran through Deena as Sam pulled away and refused to come back to her.

"Sam, I can't see you go back to him. I won't be able to handle it. It's still you and me. I can't lose you."

Sam felt a lump form in her throat, she turned away from Deena so she couldn't see her lip starting to quiver as she spoke.

"I'm not going back to him. I won't touch him.. Deena, he's not you. He will never be more than you. He will never mean anything to me. No one ever will. It's you, Deena, it's always been you."

Sam turned to Deena after she spoke and grabbed on to the sides of Deena's face and kissed her with all the force she had. Deena stepped back to brace herself so she didn't fall.

Tears streamed down Sam's face as she pulled away without meeting Deena's eyes.

Deena watched as Sam pulled away and left her alone in the dark empty classroom. All the hope she had left her as soon as Sam pulled away from her.

Sam wouldn't let Deena help her. But Deena wasn't going to stop just because Sam kept warning her.

Sam's mom and Peter had no control over her dad's job and over her like Peter was talking about in the cafeteria earlier.

Deena wiped away the tears that fell on her cheeks that were Sam's when Sam kissed her.

Deena was going to risk what Sam was warning her about, she didn't care. She was losing Sam and she would risk what she had to in order to get her back.

Deena didn't care to finish the rest of the day. She was sure to see Peter and Sam together and after what just happened between them, Deena wouldn't be able to handle it without starting something.

Deena walked out the front doors of the school. She could think of one person would be able to get to Sam's mom.