it's you, it's always been you

chapter 63

Sam was grateful that her dad moved most of her stuff up from her mom's house.

She hasn't seen her since she was there with Olivia. And the fact that she's dating Caleb's dad makes her want to stay away longer from her mom.

Deena came over with Sam to help unload her stuff from Sam's dad's truck.

As Sam was unpacking she found a box that her and Deena decorated and kept stuff in when they were younger.

"Deena, look. Do you remember this?" Sam laughed as she brought it over to where Deena was in her room.

"Woah, there it is. I was just wondering about that box the other day." Deena opened the lid of the show box and set it down.

They looked at the items in the box. A Valentine's Day letter, some notes they passed to each other in classes with both of their names on the front of them and old movie theater tickets, and a strip of pictures of them from a photo booth.

Sam took the picture strip in her hand, running over it with her fingers. "Wow D, you had such a huge crush on me. Look at how you're looking at me. It really is my fault we didn't get together sooner." Sam said as she playfully bumped Deena's arm.

Deena leaned towards Sam to see the pictures of them better. Sam was right, Deena always looked at Sam with so much love and adoration.

Sam kissed Deena's cheek like how Deena was kissing hers in one of the pictures.

"Yeah it was your fault," Deena laughed as she brought a hand to Sam's face and kissed her.

There was a knock at Sam's door and they jumped away from each other the moment they heard it.

"Yeah, come in." Sam said as she put the lid on the box and sat it down on her bed.

"I just wanted to talk about something with you guys, if you could come downstairs with me," Sam's dad said, which made Sam immediately nervous but she followed him along with Deena.

Deena and Sam sat on the couch across from the chair Sam's dad was sitting on.

Deena felt nauseous, she knew what he was going to talk about. And she knew it was going to upset Sam and make Sam angry with her.

But it was too important to Deena to keep it a secret and not tell Sam's dad when it was that serious.

"Don't blame this on Deena, Sam. It needs to be talked about, especially with me as your father."

Sam furrowed her eyebrows and looked between Deena and her dad.

"You told her that you gave up. That you wanted the cancer to take you. That you only lived for Deena and only did the treatment to make her feel better." Sam's dad spoke, looking at Sam but Sam stared at her shoes.

She felt hurt by Deena because she let Deena in and Deena promised not to tell anyone. She let her in where she hasn't let anyone before.

She never trusted anyone as much as she trusted Deena. She felt so hurt and angry and disappointed in Deena.

"Sam, this is serious and important. I don't want you to feel that way and neither does Deena. I think it would be best if you went to see a therapist." Sam's dad continued.

Deena reached over to Sam to put her hand on Sam's but Sam immediately took it away.

The look on Sam's face and Sam taking her hand away, scared her. She knew Sam was upset and mad at her.

"What would you know what's best?! You only started fucking caring when I started dying! Because you'd feel awful if people knew how awful you treated your daughter with cancer. Then you fucking cared." Sam started moving away from them.

She couldn't be near them. She felt so hurt and betrayed. She felt like she needed to run away like how she did at the hospital. Except she wasn't running to Deena, she wanted to ran away from them both.

Deena stood and followed after Sam and tried to take her arm to stop her but Sam pulled away each time.

"Deena you fucking promised. You broke that promise and lied to me again. What about all those other promises? You're just going to break those too? How could you do this... out of everyone Deena. How could you do this? I never let anyone in the way I let you. I trusted you again." Sam had tears in her eyes and headed out the front door.

Sam's dad and Deena followed her out and kept calling Sam's name, but she kept moving unsure where she was going to go.

Deena ran to catch up with Sam and tried to keep pace with her. "Sam, I'm sorry, but I needed to tell him. This is a big deal and it's too important just to not talk about. I love you, I'm sorry. I'm going to keep all those promises. All those things I said. I love you so much and nothing will ever change that." Hot tears were about to fall that were on the edge of Deena's eyes.

Sam stopped and turned to look at her. "You did this. You ruined it. It was so good Deena. I gave you everything I had in me. And you betrayed me. I can't do this. I can't trust you again and you just lie and hurt me again."

"Sam no, don't do this. It's not ruined. Its you and me always. I know I hurt you again and I'm so sorry but I'm just trying to help you. I'm terrified of losing you every second of the day. Please Sam, I love you so fucking much. Don't do this." Deena begged Sam, the tears rolling down her eyes.

"You're terrified of losing me? But you keep hurting me and breaking my trust. Well here, I'll fix it for you. It's over. We are done. You won't have to worry or be terrified of losing me now. You just did." Sam put her hand over her mouth to hide her sobs from Deena and started walking away. She didn't know where she was going but she needed to get as far away from Deena and her dad as possible. She could think, she couldn't breathe, her world crumbled around her and she couldn't take it.

"Sam no, it's not over. It's not done. I love you and I know you still love me. Please Sam...please. Don't do this." Deena ran to catch up with Sam then Sam started running from Deena.

"Deena go home! Leave me alone! It's done!" Sam spoke as she stopped for a moment and it made Deena stop.

"Sam, no. You can't do this. You promised to stay."

"Yeah well you made so many fucking promises and you don't keep them. So what's the point to any of this? I don't want you to follow me. I need to breathe. I can't breathe near to you, it hurts too much." Sam pulled away again when Deena reached out for her arm.

Sam looked back and saw her dad a few houses down and was calling her name.

"Sam, I'm keeping those promises. I needed to tell him Sam. Please fucking stay, I can't do this without you. I need you to stay. It's not over. It's still you and me." Deena pleaded, she was terrified to where Sam was going to go.

"Leave me the fuck alone." Sam yelled as she turned around to start walking again.

Deena didn't stop and kept following her and called her name.

"Stop! Leave me alone Deena! I can't do this, I can't anymore. Stay away from me!" Sam looked into Deena's eyes as she yelled, before turning and running from Deena.

Deena stood there in shock as she watched Sam run away. She felt helpless as Sam just broke up with her and screamed at her to stay away.

She knew it would upset and hurt Sam that she lied and broke a promise to Sam, but she didn't know it would get this bad.

Deena felt weak and light headed. Her heart broke as she fell to her knees. She buried her face in her hands as her cries turned into sobs. She lost Sam.