it's you, it's always been you

chapter 12

Sam woke up before Deena, slowly made her way off the bed, being as careful as she could be.

She stood at Deenas dresser which held Deena's stereo and she put a mixtape on, making sure to put it on the lowest volume setting.

Her hands fumbled with the mixtape case and it fell out of her hands and under the edge of Deena's bed.

As soon as she woke up, Sam remembered what happened the night before. She knew that it would be awhile to process and move on from it, if she ever would.

She got on her knees, reaching her arm under Deena's bed, trying to find the case of the mixtape. Instead, her hands made contact with a notebook.

Sam was filled with curiosity as she took and notebook and sat at the edge of the bed.

She felt guilty for opening, until she saw the words, "Dear Sam," and she kept reading the letter Deena wrote for her.

It wasn't soon after Sam got through half the notebook that was filled with letters Deena wrote to her over the years, when tears fell onto the paper of the notebook.

Sam immediately wiped them away from her cheek, not wanting to ruin any of Deena's words.

As soon as she finished reading the letters, she brought the notebook to her chest, her arms holding on to it tightly as if it was about to disappear.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," Sam whispered as she closed her eyes and let the tears fall freely.

They weren't tears from sadness. Tears fell down Sam's face, because for the first time, she felt truly loved. And Sam would do anything to make it work with Deena.

The words, "it's you, it's always been you," ran through her mind again and she repeated it out loud.

"I missed your voice," Deena spoke, after watching Sam the whole time as she read her notebook.

She was scared at first, letting Sam read her vulnerable and sacred thoughts and feelings she never shared with anyone. But as she watched Sam's face, she was glad Sam found it and read her letters.

Sam jumped then, turned towards Deena as her face turned a deep shade of pink, feeling guilty that she was caught.

"It's okay, Sam. I'm glad you know now, how much I've always loved you. Especially right now, after everything that's happened. I want you to never forget that you are loved. You're never alone, Sam. I'm here for you every moment you need me." Deena sat up, her face completely echoed the tenderness and admiration she had for Sam.

Sam smiled for the first time in over a day. She laid the notebook on her lap and leaned into Deena, grabbing her face with both hands and kissing her slowly but full of passion at the same time.

Deena's words meant everything to Sam. She always felt so alone in her house and when she was around her family. But never with Deena. She felt warmth in her chest and a void filled within her whenever she was near Deena.

Sam pulled back from Deena, breaking the kiss and Deena let out a sigh when she did, which made Sam softly smile again.

"Come on," Deena said as she stood, her hand taking Sam's as she led her to the bathroom. She turned on the water and let it fill the tub that was also a shower. She paid attention to the very small detail of how much she turned the handle, making sure it was not too cold and not too warm for Sam.

She knew that Sam had said that baths made her relax, so that's what Deena planned to do.

As soon as Deena turned the water on, Sam knew what Deena was trying to do for her.