it's you, it's always been you

chapter 27

Sam's dad immediately turns around to the desk across from Sam's room. Deena feels too weak in the moment to follow him, a thousand thoughts going through her mind at once.

A nurse makes a call when Sam's dad demands to know where his daughter is.

"She's in emergency surgery, her appendix ruptured." Deena overheard the nurse tell Sam's dad. The nurse kept talking to Sam's dad, explaining the surgery, but Deena couldn't focus to figure out what else she said.

The image of Sam crying out in pain, holding her arms around her body tightly as she puked blood. With the nurses and doctor around Sam, played over and over in Deena's head.

The harsh reality hit Deena all at once. It was easier before Sam was in the hospital. Deena was still naive in thinking she could do something and help Sam, to protect Sam from the pain.

But Deena stood there, petrified, unable to move as she watched the girl she loved be in such extreme pain. This is her reality for now until Sam got better and she received more treatment.

She could only love Sam, hold her, be there, kiss her forehead, whisper sweet nothings into her ear, and help her with her homework, and bring her favorite candy.

That's all she could do for Sam. She could only be there for Sam after Sam was in pain or is in pain. She couldn't take any of it away for Sam or protect her from it.

It made Deena feel useless, not being able to help the person she loved most as she went through something so painful that it could take Sam away from her.

The nurse guided the four to the surgery waiting room. There wasn't much they knew besides that her appendix was being removed.

Appendicitis wasn't a rare surgery and disease, almost everyone that had it recovered successfully.

Sam's body was already weak from the cancer in her blood and the chemo that she just started. Both of those reasons terrified Deena and Sam's dad. Although the doctors and nurses reassured them, they were still terrified.

A doctor came out of a set of double doors straight to Sam's dad. He had on scrubs and a surgical cap so Deena assumed her was the surgeon.

"She did great.  She has sutures on her side where the appendix was, and will be sore of course. But this won't interfere with her chemotherapy. She will need to be on an antibiotic again. She's on her way back to her room. Her blood count is down, so she will be exhausted and will need to rest as much as possible."

Sam's dad shook the doctors hand before he left. All of their shoulders relaxed and relief ran through them after the doctor said Sam did great.

It was two in the morning and Simon and Kate were going to school that day. So they left and told Deena to call them if anything changes.

Deena did have school also, but she called in sick for the week, just doing her homework with Sam as she stayed with her.

Sam woke up to a bright light coming from the window straight into her eyes. She went to move her hand but looked down to find Deena's head resting on it as it laid at her side. Sam found it adorable and smiled as Deena looked so peaceful as she slept.

She looked on the other side of the room to see her dad at the desk, going through paperwork.

Her side hurt above her hip, and she hasn't sure why it was so sore. She lifted the hospital gown up and pulled back the bandage, to see staples there, and she ran her fingers over them.

"Dad?" Sam said softly, trying not to wake Deena.

He turned around, a small smile on his face, "Good morning kiddo," Sam put a single finger to her mouth and went "shhhh" and pointed at Deena.

"What happened to my side?" She asked softly as he sat in the chair next to Sam.

"Your appendix ruptured and they had to remove it. You'll be sore but you're okay." Sam's dad showed a rare sign of affection as he leaned forward and kissed the top of Sam's head.

Sam flinched at first as he leaned in towards her head, but smiled when she realized what he was doing. The simple gesture from her dad made her feel better already.

"I have to go to work but I'll be back, alright?" And Sam nodded in response. "I love you Samantha," he added as he looked behind him as she left the room.

Sam laid in bed, loving the sight of her girlfriend sleeping so close to her.

Deena stirred awake, looking up at Sam and seeing her smiling at her, made Deena beam a smile right back to her. "I missed you so much, Sam, I love you. I need to say it so much more. I love you. So much." Deena spoke, sitting up in her seat. Her neck and back needed stretched after sleeping in that position all night.

Sam put her hand on the side of Deena's face, caressing her cheek with her thumb. She looked down at Deena with complete adoration for her. " I love love love love you too." Sam spoke softly.

Today Sam got her second round of chemo and before it was even over, she puked multiple times.

Deena brought her homework again, reading out loud for Sam.

Sams dad returned like her promised, and that's how the days went by for the next week.

It went by painfully slow for Deena. She attempted to focus on her homework, even filling Sam's out for her.

Sam tried to stay awake and pay attention to Deena, but her eyes grew heavy so easily and she was asleep most of the time outside of getting treatment and tests done

Deena watched as Sam got smaller, more sick, more exhausted, more not feeling like herself. The girl she loved and spent countless hours with was slowly slipping past her fingers.

Deena held Sam in her arms as much as she could. She didn't sleep much, she was consumed with anxiety and sadness as she could only watch and hold Sam for now.