it's you, it's always been you

chapter 86

Deena wiped the tears off Sam's face and helped her inside the house.

She knew for certain now that she wasn't going to let Sam go alone to any parties. Although it wasn't her fault, Deena still felt as if she needed to protect Sam at all costs.

Deena was enraged at Taylor. But what was more worrying to her was that Sam was walking around Shadyside with a bottle of vodka in her hand.

They went to Deena's room and Sam changed into a pair of Deena's shorts and one of her sweaters. Sam had clothes at Deena's house still but she knew Deena liked when she wore her clothes plus they felt more comfortable than her own.

Deena held out her hand for Sam as she sat down on the bed.

Sam knew she disappointed Deena with how she was drinking and she felt so ashamed because of it.

"I'm sorry. I should've never gone to the party. I said no the first five times they asked then I gave in. Now I know that the reason I enjoyed them was because I was drunk the whole time. I thought that was being happy or just being okay. But it wasn't. I know I should not have taken that bottle from the party and left with it. I was running out of the bathroom and it was right there so I took it. But I was walking home to you, if that makes you feel better. I left to go to you. And I missed you the moment I got into Sophie's car."

Deena took Sam's hand and held it with both of hers in her lap.

"I missed you too, Sam. I couldn't bare it for long so I came looking for you to make sure you were okay, not to drag you out. And I'm glad I did go to look for you. It fucking scared me to see you just walking around Shadyside with a bottle of alcohol. You could have got caught by the police for that. And worse things could happened too. This is Shadyside after all. I know these last two parties are the only time you drank so I understand and I'm not judging you. I'm glad you are understanding why you drinking isn't the best thing right now." Deena reached to Sam's hair and tucked some behind her ear.

"Yeah that was a really bad choice I get that now. I know I won't do it again. I really do promise that to you. I won't drink, at least not while on these medications and when I do I'll be on a limit. I'll do that for you. I love you. I'm sorry for all of this."

Deena left her hand on Sam's cheek and caressed it. "I love you so much. And you have nothing to be sorry for. You're still hurting Sam, it's okay to make mistakes and it's okay to make bad choices if you know afterward that they were mistakes and to not do them again. I believe in you and I know you'll keep doing better. It takes time. You're doing therapy and that's an amazing, courageous step. And I see you fight and try to be better everyday. I'm proud of you everyday."

Sam moved closer to Deena as she spoke. Deena always knew what to say to Sam that made her feel better and believe in herself more.

Sam started to feel sleepy from the alcohol. She leaned her head on Deena's shoulder. "Thank you. I needed to hear that. And I'm about to pass out and go to sleep any moment."

Deena smiled as she wrapped her arms around Sam, they moved to lay down in bed. Sam put a blanket over them. And they fell asleep in each other's arms like they did every night.

Deena had been looking for Taylor all morning at school. She wasn't going to let Taylor get away with using Sam like that. Sam didn't deserve that and she deserved to get justice for it.

Sam could tell Deena was more tense at lunch, Deena passed it off as being tired but Sam still kept watching her.

Sam was talking to Kate about one of their classes when she heard Taylor behind her, asking to speak to her.

The moment Deena saw Taylor behind Sam, she stood up, between Taylor and Sam.

"Why don't you just leave her the fuck alone? You have done enough." Deena spat at Taylor as Sam stood up behind Deena.

"Sam, I'm sorry I drank too much and I know what it looks like. I didn't mean to say I was using you like that."

Taylor made a move to go towards Sam but Deena stopped her.

Sam held onto the back of Deena's flannel.

"Sam, can I just talk to you alone without her here?" Taylor looked past Deena and tried to step towards Sam.

"N-No there's nothing to say."

"I'm sorry Sam. I really want to be friends again and like you, me and Sophie were. You've changed so much since this d*ke messed you up."

Sam pushed towards Taylor. "What did you just call her?"

"A. D*ke."

Deena reaches to pull Sam back but Sam slaps Taylor across her face, as hard as Sam could.

"Don't call her that again!" Sam steps towards where Taylor stepped back to.

Deena wrapped her arm around Sam to hold her back. Simon and Kate were at their sides and Kate looked like she was going to go off on Taylor before Sam did.

Taylor's face deepened to red and started going towards Sam but Simon held her back and a teacher came over to stop the fight.

Deena pulled Sam out of the cafeteria and down the hallway some. "Sam," Deena started, then grabbed Sam's face and kissed her.

She's never seen Sam hurt a fly even let alone slap someone that hard before. And she did it for Deena which made Deena love Sam all over again in that moment.

"So I get a pass for slapping her?" Sam said as she pulled away from Deena's lips.