it's you, it's always been you

chapter 29

Sam kissed Deena then, as Deena begged her to stop talking about the what if something happened to her. When they pulled apart from the kiss, their foreheads rested on the other's.

Their cheeks and lips were wet from the tears and their breathing was heavy from the crying and as they tried to calm down.

Sam didn't try to speak about it again, it hurt her to see Deena cry like that because of her. But part of her felt loved in everything Deena said, it brought her a ounce of hope, part of her tried so hard to believe in what Deena said.

They wrapped their arms around each other tighter, both of them taking long and deep breaths to calm down. Sam fell asleep like that in Deena's arms.

When Deena realized Sam fell asleep, she started crying again. She forced herself to not let herself cry even harder to the point she would wake Sam. She knew how badly it would hurt Sam to see her cry and Sam had enough to worry about.

Deena's dad and Josh walked in at that moment, as Deena tried to calm down from crying. They both looked at Deena with sadness and sympathy in their eyes.

They both thought of Josh and Deena's mom, how they felt when she was going through chemo and then passed away from her own cancer.

Deena slid out of the bed, and ran straight into her dad's arms, crying into his shoulder. Josh moved in and wrapped his arms around them both, Deena's dad had tears in his eyes also.

Deena's dad understood what Deena was going through. He's known about Deena being a lesbian for many years now. His wife told him about the conversation she had with Deena.

She also told him about Deena being in love with Sam, all those years before. He never spoke to Deena about it, but he never judged her for it. He treated her the same way he would treat Josh if he was in love. Not one bit different at all.

Josh brought his old game console and hooked up to Sam's hospital room TV. Whenever Josh visited, he would talk to Sam about the new games that came out and how quickly it took for him to learn how to beat the game.

His dad had the idea to bring the old console to the hospital for him to show Sam, and teach her so there was something else to distract Sam.

Josh and his dad set up the console when they all calmed down and stopped crying. Deena returned to Sam, making sure to position her in bed comfortably and with the blankets and covers tucked around her. She sat on the edge of the bed as she watched them figure the TV out.

Sam's dad joined them. It had been years since Deena's and Sam's dads had spoke, but with how emotional and somber it felt in the hospital room, it felt comfortable and easy for them to talk again after all these years.

Sam's dad ordered pizza and they all shared it as they watched Josh and Deena play the game console, even Sam's dad joined to play a game also.

Sam woke up as her dad played the game, she smiled at the sight, it took a few minutes before they realized Sam was awake.

Deena immediately returned to Sam's side, sitting on the edge of her bed near Sam's waist. "How do you feel?" She took Sam's hand, and held it with both of hers. "I'm alright, is that pizza I smell?"

Deena got a pizza for Sam, helping her to sit up to eat it. Sam only ate a few bites of it. She knew she would be throwing it up later so she couldn't handle much.

Josh excitedly showed Sam the game console and showed Sam how to play and learn the game. It took a few tries before Sam got it down.

Then she challenged her Dad to play a round and she was convinced he let her win, but took the win without complaining.

That was the first good night Sam had since the night her, Kate, Simon, and Deena had before Sam had the surgery.

Deena's dad and Josh left as they saw how tired Sam was getting. Deena walked with them out, and they hugged her together again and stayed like that for a moment.

When Deena left to walk them out, Sam asked her dad for a piece of paper and pen. She wrote a letter for Deena, just like Deena wrote all hers to Sam in her notebook.

When she was finished, she had tears in her eyes and quickly wiped them. She wanted to finish before Deena got back so she wouldn't know about the letter.

"Dad I need you to do something for me," Sam told him as she folded the letter and then wrote Deena's name on the outside of it. "If something happens to me," Sam's dad tried to cut her off but Sam insisted. "No, I know what you're going to say but I need this, Dad. If something was to happen to me, please give this letter to Deena. Please." Her voice cracked and her bottom lip quivered as she handed the letter to her dad. He agreed, but looked at Sam with tears in his eyes.