it's you, it's always been you

chapter 135

Kate had to climb up the ladder to coax Deena to climb down. Her and Simon could hear most of the conversation between Sam and Deena.

Deena couldn't speak on their drive back to her house. She was in shock of what just happened. Simon drove them back. Kate and Simon stayed most of the night with Deena.

Deena was shook out of her trance the moment she laid down in her bed and held on to Sam's pillow she always slept on. Who she saw tonight wasn't Sam. Not the real Sam. Not the Sam that held her hand. Not the one who would smile at Deena and Deena felt an overwhelming amount of warmth in her chest.

She hugged the pillow as tight as she could. She breathed in the scent of Sam that was left from Sam sleeping in the bed the night before.

Deena imagined Sam now and how she would lay her arm across Deena's waist. And her head cuddled between Deena's neck and shoulder. Where Sam said she loved because she could hear Deena's heart beat.

As she hugged the pillow she wished so desperately that she was holding Sam. Her arms wrapped around her and her fingers running through Sam's hair. How she kissed Sam's forehead as soon as she woke up and as soon as they were about to fall asleep.

But so much changed in 24 hours. And now Sam wasn't in her bed. Now Sam would never be in Deena's bed again. Now Sam didn't want Deena anymore.

Deena cried and screamed into the pillow. Her whole body trembling as she cried harder. She couldn't figure out what she did or what happened to make Sam change her mind about her. Or when did Sam stop wanting her and she didn't notice.

"Deena, this doesn't make any sense at all with Sam. It doesn't. How she spoke wasnt Sam. She's never spoke to you like that. She couldn't even look at you." Kate said as both her and Simon sat next to Deena as she cried.

After awhile, Deena exhausted herself from crying and sat up in the bed. She wiped her face with tissues Simon gave her.

"We were so good. Yesterday, this week, the past few months even, besides Riley and Taylor. We've been planning to get an apartment in New York. Her dad got a few apartments for us to look at. She wanted a blue house. I was going to get her that blue house. And she wanted a kitten named Ziggy... I was going to get her that and everything else she deserves. A family that loves her without conditions. We were going to have that." Deena laid back on the bed.

"She's the reason I'm on the earth. I know it. And now she's gone. She wouldn't even look at me. It doesn't make sense."

"She'll be at school tomorrow and her mom won't be there. You can talk to her then. If she won't talk to you then I will and Simon will too." Kate spoke as she stood up.

"There must be a reason for this Deena. This isn't the Sam that we've had for the past year. The one that was strong and beat cancer." Simon said and followed Kate to the door.

"You should go in early to school to see Sam. We love you." Kate said then they both walked out.

Deena tried to sleep but all she did was hold Sam's pillow again and look up at the ceiling. The words Sam said to her replayed in her mind.

Deena listened to Kate's advice and went into school early. She waited in the classroom across from Sam's locker so Sam wouldn't be able to see Deena.

She waited in the classroom and then finally heard Sam's voice, and she was even more surprised to hear Olivia's voice talking back to Sam.

"I'll go to my locker then I'll look for Deena to keep her away." Deena heard Olivia say which confused her even more about what was going on.

Deena slowly and carefully looked around to make sure Olivia wasn't there before she went to Sam.

She moved to the side of Sam's locker as Sam was getting her books from the top of her locker.

"Sam," Deena spoke softly. She couldn't predict how Sam was going to react to her.

Sam turned to Deena and looked terrified. She looked passed Deena in the direction Olivia went.

"You need to get out of here. I'm serious, Deena. You can't be seen with me right now." Sam spoke as she frantically looked around the hallway.

"What the fuck is going on Sam? This isn't you. What happened?"

"Go Deena. You need to go. We are done. We talked last night. I told you everything. You need to leave me alone. It's whats best."

"No it's not! I'm not leaving you alone. You can't completely change like this on one day with your mom. Something happened I know it."

The look on Deena's face made Sam want to drop her books and kiss her with all the energy she had. She needed to hold her and take back everything she said. They weren't done, but Deena's dad keeping his job is what mattered most. His job was more important than her happiness. She put Deena and Josh first without them knowing. He needed to keep his job and it didn't matter what it took from Sam to make sure Deena and her family were okay and still in their home.

"We are done Deena." Sam finally turned to look Deena in the eye. "We are done. Accept it. I'm not like you. It was just a phase. I realized it."

"You're mom fucked you up and now you're friends with Olivia again. How much can you take until you explode Sam? You're lying. You know it."

"No, Deena, just go. Leave me alone. I don't have time for this."

"Please Sam," Deena was cut off by the voice behind her.

"Listen to her, Johnson. She said no. You know what that means? Or are you just like Caleb?"

Sam's closed her eyes tightly and bit her lip once Olivia spoke about Caleb and Deena. It was completely untrue but Sam couldn't argue with Olivia or she would put Deena at risk.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Deena clenched her hands into fists as she moved to be directly in front of Olivia.

"Try it, Deena. Ruin your future like Taylor did. End up like your drunk father."

"You're going to let her talk like that to me Sam?" Deena looked at Sam but Sam was turned in the opposite direction with her hand covering her face.

"Wow," Deena stood back from Olivia and Sam. She felt hot tears brimming her eyes. "I can't fucking believe you Sam. Who are you?"

Deena waited for Sam to reply but Sam started walking in the opposite direction.

"It's over. She's not into girls. She's not under your spell anymore. Get the fuck over it." Olivia apart back at Deena then went after Sam.

Deena watched as Sam walked down the hallway until she couldn't see her anymore. She realized there were people around her looking at her as tears fell down her cheeks.

She wiped them off with her sleeve and then marched off to find Kate and Simon to tell them what just happened.

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