it's you, it's always been you

chapter 40

"Call me twice a day, before and after school. I will take you to your doctor appointments, Deena is invited to come." Sam's dad gave her another hug before kissing the top of her head and leaving.

They had finally made it to Deena's house and she couldn't wait to lay in Deena's bed again. The hospital bed was cold and uncomfortable, if it wasn't for the medicine making her exhausted, she wouldn't be able to sleep in one.

Sam turned to face Deena, right before they opened Deena's front door. She was just discharged from the hospital that morning after taking a few last tests and all of them came back well enough Sam could leave, but Sam's schedule was full of doctor's appointments to monitor and combat any new cancer cells or side effects Sam had.

"I love you so much Sam. I was so scared that I lost you. I missed being here with you." Deena set Sam's bags down, looking at Sam with complete tenderness for the girl she loved, she took Sam's face with both of her hands and kissed the way she's been wanting to ever since that day in Sam's hospital bathroom. Sam brought her hands to Deena's wrists and reciprocated the kiss then pulled away.

"I love you too. I missed your bed so much. I'm sure you have too. All I want to do is lay in it with you." Sam said, a small smile on her lips. She took Deena's hand in hers and opened the front door. Deena followed, grabbing Sam's bag as they went in.

"Surprise!" "Congrats!" "Cancer free!" Kate, Josh and Simon all exclaimed, trying to yell it together in unison, but they were off  with each word, but close. They threw confetti in the air and at Sam.

Sam flinched at them yelling, but a wide smile grew on her face as she realized what was happening.

Deena laughed beside her, kissing her cheek and then tugging her to come inside more. Deena let go of Sam's hand as Simon and Kate came to hug her. Sam laughed with them, it's been so long since she felt free enough to laugh.

"Owww" Sam scrunched her nose as she felt Simon hugging tightly around the spot Sam's stitches were.

"Oh fuck, I'm sorry Sam, I forgot," Simon let go and backed up, feeling guilty. Deena immediately returned to Sam's side were Sam was holding her hand at.

"It's okay! I'm okay, just a little sore from, ya know having some organs cut and removed. But it's okay, really." Sam said, squeezing Simon's shoulder to reassure him.

Simon went to the table and handed Sam a bag full of her favorite candy and foods. Sam smiled even wider, which caused all of them to smile wider also, with how sad everything's been around them, seeing Sam smile, lit up the entire room.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love you? Because it's a whole lot." Sam bumped Simon's shoulder as she made her way inside Deena's house.

It felt like a year since Sam's been in this house. It's only been two months, but so much has changed and happened, it felt different to Sam.

Deena brought all of Sam's stuff to her room. She was beyond ecstatic to have Sam stay with her. After being so close to losing Sam, she couldn't bare the thought of not being with her everyday.

Deena set up an area for Sam's medications. She had them individualized by day of the week and the time of day Sam needed to take them. She had the nurse explain every one of the pills and then the pills Sam could have whenever she was having extreme side effects. Deena wrote all this down so she remembered.

She wasn't letting Sam forget to take them like before when she fainted in her kitchen. She was going to make for certain Sam ate and drank enough water, and took her medicine at the right time everyday.

Deena felt sorry for Sam, that she still had to deal with the side effects of the chemotherapy, and how much pain Sam was in. She knew how to see past every fake smile Sam tried to cover up how she felt. And she wasn't going to let Sam suffer alone.

Sam was still weak, she was still exhausted. She was still in pain. Just because they removed her spleen didn't mean everything was fixed, the cancer cells were out of her body, but she had to build her strength up again. She lost so much weight, and so much energy the past two months.

Sam still needed to hold onto Deena or to whatever was around her when she walked sometimes. No matter how little the distance was.

Kate caught Sam and Deena up on the drama at school, both of them realized they were way behind on their class work, but most teachers understood and had sympathy for what happened to Sam.

They laughed together, Sam played with Josh on his game console. She knew for certain that he let her win at some rounds, the pity annoyed her but she knew how Josh came from a good place.

A small food fight irrupted as Simon bet Kate to a game and neither of them knew how to play at all.

Deena sat right next to Sam, she made sure Sam was drinking water, that she had something to eat even though Sam only ate a small amount of food, as she was used to because she almost always puked it right up.

Sam held Deena's hand the whole time they laughed and hung out with their friends. She knew Deena wanted to make sure Sam was okay and take care of her.

She didn't fight it, she was still weak and in pain. If it wasn't for Deena, she wouldn't take care of herself the way Deena has for Sam.

She understood now that Deena went through hell while Sam was asleep. If Sam was that close to losing Deena, she would react the same way.

Deena wanted to follow Sam when she left suddenly to go to the bathroom, but Sam said it was okay she would be right back.

But Sam couldn't hold down any of the food she ate today, it made her feel even more fragile and weak. She took a moment, sitting on the ground in front of the toilet after she washed up after puking.

She was finally cancer free. She knew the possibility of new cancer growing, but if they could stop it once, there's a chance they could stop it again.

But Sam was in so much pain, she felt empty all the time from not being able to eat. She was so tired of being sick and looking like it. She finally left the hospital, but it was far from over for Sam and she knew it. Deena knew it.