it's you, it's always been you

chapter 38

Deena's cheeks were hurting by how much she was smiling. She was just having a complete break down over Sam dying. She just told Sam it was okay to leave. Her heart broke as she read the letter that was meant for her as Sam died.

And now Sam was awake next to her.

The doctor gave Sam medicine and changed Sam's bandage.

Sam turned looked at Deena, she smiled back at her. She didn't remember much other than her getting ready for surgery. But with how intense Deena was being and how happy she was, she knew that something had happen while she was asleep.

"What day is it? How long have I been asleep? What time is it?" Sam asked, reaching for the cup of water on the table next to her, but Deena beat her to it and put it up to Sam's lips.

"It's been a week since your surgery and it's 4pm. You've been asleep since then. You've had a high fever and temperature and it took days until it got down, it took until today. Your oxygen levels and heart beat were down so low that the doctors said you would....... Soon." Deena said, looking down at her hands holding Sam's hand.

"Oh, I've been asleep for that long? You thought I was dying?" Sam asked, guilt washing over her.

"Yeah we did, your dad is actually making funeral plans right now...." Deena replied, bringing her gaze back to Sam's eyes. Her smile faded as she told Sam that we were planning for the worst possible outcome. That we were broken and hopeless until now.

"I was so scared Sam. It was awful. I was here the whole time. I was terrified. I was so scared and heartbroken. I've been praying for you. Sam, I love you so fucking much. I don't know what happens next but I want to go to California where we can get married. I want to go look for blue houses, and a dog too." Deena brought her free hand to hold Sam's cheek. She was still in shock of Sam waking up.

"I'm so sorry, Deena, but I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere. Like I promised. I love you too. I can't believe that... my dad making funeral plans and
You thought I was dying.... That's crazy. But Deena as much as I want all that we have to graduate first and I have to get out of this hospital sometime before that can happen." Sam laughed lightly, her side hurting when she did. Sam brought Deena's hand up to her lips, kissing the back of Deena's hands all over.

Deena leaned down and kissed Sam. Oh how she missed kissing her. How much she missed her voice. How much she missed Sam.

"Okay we can postpone for a little while. I was so scared Sam, I'm so happy you're awake. Wait until your dad sees you." Deena gave into Sam.

She knew how intense she was being, but she was just convinced she lost her soulmate. She watched Sam as she was getting weaker, smaller, sicker as she watched Sam dying. And she couldn't help her. She could only hold Sam as she was dying.

She thought about their future also, like Sam said in the letter. It was the only thing that brought her a sense of hope and peace in the past two months.

Sam's dad walked in, the doctor stopped him on his way in and he ran to the room. He was in complete shock just as Deena was. Deena moved off Sam's bed to the seat directly next to her.

"Sam! Holy shit. I just.. Sam" was all her dad could say before he brought her in his arms and started crying. He didn't hold back as he always had before. His world crumbled around him also, as he watched his daughter as she was dying.

"I can't believe it, the doctors were convinced that you were just going to get weaker since you didn't wake up and now you're here and alive and awake." Sam's dad also had a huge smile on his face that mirrored Deena's.

"I gotta call everyone and tell them." Deena leaned in and kissed Sam then left to call them.

"Kate, it's...." Deena started then Kate cut her off.

"I'm so sorry Deena, you loved her so much. We all saw it. We loved her too. She's okay now." Kate's said in a somber tone.

"No! I mean yes she's okay now but that's because she's awake! She's better and getting stronger! She's alive Kate!"

"What?! Holy fucking shit. That's incredible! I'll get Simon and Josh and bring them. Tell her I love you and to never do that again."

Deena agreed and went back to Sam's room, whenever Deena left Sam throughout the day, she was scared Sam wasn't going to be there when she got back.

Sam was moved back to her room she had before the surgery. Sam felt terrified that she was that close to death and hurt everyone around her that she loved.

Kate, Simon, and Josh all visited and had just as wide smiles on their faces as Deena and Sam's dad.

Sam didn't feel like she hasn't seen any of them for a week. She felt like she just saw them before surgery. But she was grateful that she could make them that happy when they saw her again.

Deena kissed Sam every chance she got. She was right there sitting next to her, her hand never letting go of Sam. She kept reminding Sam that she loved her and Sam said it back every time, no matter the short amount of time it had been since Deena said it last.

Deena wasn't going to take a single moment for granted after this. She was going to be with Sam every moment she could be and she was going to take care of Sam. She promised herself that she would know Sam's medication schedules and doctors appointments and everything Sam needed. She wasn't going to let Sam go again.