it's you, it's always been you

chapter 43

Sam's dad dropped her off at school. It was her first day back in over two months. She had just gotten done with a doctors appointment. Sam's dad asked Deena if it could just be him and Sam for this time.

Sam's dad told her that he bought another house in Shadyside, but it would be awhile until he could move in. He also said that he knew about her mom having a affair, he wasn't sure with who. And Sam didn't have the heart to tell him with the look on his face as he spoke.

Sam was still doing well after the doctors appointment. No new cancer cells and no fever or infection that could put Sam in danger.

Sam was greeted by the principal and pulled into a hug that caused pain to Sam's side but she didn't say anything, she was stunned that this was even happening.

People hugged Sam all day. Students, teachers, people she hasn't even met before. They all said congrats to her and how they prayed and thought of her.

Sam genuinely appreciated the first few hugs and smiles from people, but then she saw the pity on some people's faces and she was annoyed that she got any attention at all.

Deena met Sam at her locker the minute Sam told her that her dad would drop her off. It was the first day Sam didn't wear one of Deena's sweaters since the last time she was at school.

Deena couldn't be selfish or disappointed that Sam choose to wear her own clothes. Sam was allowed to wear what she wanted. But everyday for the past two months Sam wore one of Deena's sweaters or shirts. And Deena found it adorable every time. She felt loved when Sam did it. Like Sam wanted to show people that she was Deena's.

She knew she shouldn't feel this way. It wasn't fair to Sam and it was just a shirt. But Deena was hurt nonetheless.

Sam stood with Deena at her locker and Deena went in to kiss Sam and turned her face so Deena kissed her cheek. It wasn't until then did Deena realized that the world Sam and her built wasn't real.

They were together almost every moment Sam was in the hospital. They kissed when they wanted. They held each other when they wanted. They held each other's hands when they wanted. But Deena felt that world slipping from her fingers when Sam wouldn't let Deena kiss her or hold her hand.

They didn't talk about how they were going to be at school. If they were going to tell other people. If they were going to kiss in front of everyone.

To everyone else besides the people that visited Sam in the hospital, Sam was straight. Sam was single. And it hurt Deena to not be as close to Sam as she has been. And gotten used to.

"I'm sorry, Deena, I just don't know if I'm ready to kiss you in front of everybody yet. It's not that I'm doubting my feelings for you or anything." Sam sighed as she rubbed her temple. She turned to look at Deena. Deena couldn't hide her feelings and Sam could tell she was hurt.

"It's my first day back and I just.. so much is happening and it's overwhelming and I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry. I am. I still love you so much and want to be together. I just need some time to settle in again. Okay?" Sam held onto a textbook and binder for her next class.

"I understand, Sam. We never talked about it and I shouldn't have expected it to just automatically happen. I'm not going anywhere, remember?" Deena gave Sam a soft smile. She was disappointed but she would wait for Sam, as long as she wanted.

Deena stayed by her throughout the day, carrying Sam's books for her. And Sam blushed every time.

Deena had to watch people hug Sam and everyone was giving Sam so much attention. She was glad that people cared for Sam to welcome her after two months, but it was difficult for Deena to watch.

She spent so much time with Sam. She held her hand and slept with her in her hospital bed every night. And now she had to share her with the rest of the school.

They ate at their usual spot, in the usual seats with Kate and Simon. Sam missed this, she missed being in her normal routine. She was getting glimpses of her old life, and it made her feel a little better.

Sam got up from her seat to throw away her trash when she turned and Olivia was in front of her.

"Sam!" Olivia exclaimed before pulling her into a hug. "I've been so worried about you. I asked Deena how you were but she wouldn't tell me, but I visited your mom and she said everything went great. I'm so happy for you." Olivia said, her hands placed on Sam's arms after she pulled away from the hug.

She was speechless for a moment, what was she talking about with Deena, and what could her mom even say. Sam looked down at Deena sitting then back to Olivia.

Deena was about to push Olivia away from Sam just like she did with Caleb. She didn't tell Sam about the talk she had with Olivia yet, and when Sam looked back at her she knew Sam hasn't happy with it.

"Thank you for that. Yeah, it turned out fine. It's nice to be back. Excuse me." Sam pulled her arms away from her and felt like she was going to be sick so she ran straight to the bathroom.

Deena glared at Olivia as she moved passed her to follow after Sam. Olivia gave her a smirk right back.

"Would you just leave Sam the fuck alone? Haven't you done enough to her?" Kate stood up from her seat. She was pissed off at the sight of Olivia. Just like Deena was. They knew what Olivia did to Sam, and Sam let it go, but Deena never will.