it's you, it's always been you

chapter 33

Deena's lost count of how many times she has prayed in the last eight hours. Kate, Simon, Josh, and Deena's dad all joined them in the waiting room now.

She was exhausted. It's been over 24 hours since she last slept, she closed her eyes, but how fast her mind and heart were beating stopped her from falling asleep at all.

Simon brought everyone coffee and junk food and a bag full of Sam's favorite candy, Reese's. It would be awhile before Sam could even have any but Simon knew that Sam would love it.

Another hour went by as they all sat in silence. Deena prayed again. This time she told God that if he was going to take Sam, take her instead of Sam.

Deena was that desperate. She knew that the world needed Sam. The world was so much brighter with Sam in it. With Sam alive, it made everything worth it to Deena. She's felt like this for years.

She would have never gotten through her mom's death if it wasn't for Sam. Even when they were kids when they met, Deena noticed how better Sam made her life.

Although her family life was much better than Sam's as a child, Deena still felt lost in the world. Finding Kate and Simon made it better, of course. But she felt like Sam changed her life.

Deena started trying again in school and when started playing drums again by joining band, which Sam convinced her to. Music was an escape for her, just like being around Sam was.

Living in the cruel brutal life in Shadyside was worth every moment since she got to spend it with Sam.

With all the hope she told Sam she had, Deena's thoughts always went to the worst thing that could happen, almost everyday she spent at the hospital.

She fought off the dark thoughts of what would happen if Sam died. She fought these intrusive thoughts until she was exhausted. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't hold it together when the thought came to her. She would run off to the bathroom and collapse to the floor until she didn't have the energy to cry anymore.

Another hour passed. It's been 11 hours now.

Something was wrong. They said at the most it was ten hours long. Something happened. She's gone. She's gone!

Deena stood up quickly, hot tears building up at the edge of her eyes. "It's been 11 hours! Something happened! They said 10 hours it's been 11!" Deena started yelling.

She had to do something. Sam needed her, she needed Sam. She wasn't letting go.

All of them stood when Deena started yelling.

"Deena! Deena!" Sam's dad went straight to stopping Deena from going through the doors where the doctor came out of last time, his hands on her shoulders to stop her.

"It can last longer. Surgery's can last longer sometimes. She's still alive. But there's nothing we can do right now. All we can do is stay right here for Sam." Sam's dad was stern with Deena, Deena's dad joined them and put a hand on the top of her back too.

"Breathe, Deena. Breathe. Sam needs you at stay here and be okay. That's what she needs. You have to breathe." Deena shut her eyes, attempting to calm down like her father had just said.

It was then that a surgeon opened the doors next to them. He was the one that talked to Deena and Sam's dad the night before, he had a surgical cap on.

"Mr. Fraser, I need you to sit down."