it's you, it's always been you

chapter 113

The image of Deena being pulled away from her hands and out her hospital room replayed in her mind.

The moment she held Deena again, she never wanted to let go. She was so lost and broken all these days without her, then Deena snuck in to see her and she felt whole again. If she wasn't so weak, she would've held on tighter and fought to keep Deena with her.

Sam slowly woke up to the feeling of an IV being taken out of her arm.

"Good afternoon, Samantha. How are you feeling?" Her doctor asked, the same one that spoke to Deena the night before.

"Weird. What day is it?" Sam winced as she watched the needle slide out of her arm.

"It's Tuesday, about 2pm. Could you explain what weird feels like?"

"Tired, my chest hurts but not my chest, like it feels like my lungs hurt. But I feel better than yesterday. Do I have a fever anymore?"

"Your fever has gone down and you have a breathing treatment soon that will help your pain. Deena called last night for you. I answered it and told her that you could be sleeping when you don't answer the phone due to the medicine. Also your dad brought you your stuff."

"Oh, thanks for telling her. Can I leave today?" Sam knew the answer but she wanted to leave so badly she just kept asking if she could.

"No, Samantha. Not yet. Just because your temperature is down doesn't mean the virus is gone. People have passed away from low immune systems while they had pneumonia. We have to be careful."

"I've read your chart and I know you've been in the hospital for months before you went into remission. If we are careful and give the medicine and treatments time to work before sending you out into the world, it could keep you away from the hospital for awhile."

"I'm still going to ask you everyday if I can leave." Sam offered her a soft smile as she looked up at the doctor.

"Then I'll tell you the same speech over and over. You've been through a lot this year, just medically wise. I'm sure you're exhausted by hospitals and doctors, but I know you can get through this." The doctor put her hand on Sam's shoulder before she turned and left.

Sam slowly moved to her bag and was happy as soon as she saw one of her favorite sweaters of Deena's. She changed from her hospital gown that kept her cold to a pair of Deena's shorts and her sweater that instantly brought warmth to her cold goosebumps covered skin.

She brought the collar of the sweater to her face and inhaled, feeling as if Deena was there hugging her.

She sat on the chair next to the phone and called Deena.

Deena answered on the first ring with, "Hey Sam."

"Oh, you're changing it up. I get a hey first." Sam smiled when she heard her name from Deena's voice.

"I answered a few other phone calls that were for my dad and Josh with just Sam, and they were both confused so I'm switching it up some." Deena had a wide smile on her lips when Sam spoke.

She moved the phone to next to her bed so she would answer it no matter what time of day it was. Also so she could stay up with Sam as long as she wanted.

"Wait, it's 2 pm I think. Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Yeah I should. But after last night, I didn't want to do anything except wait for you to call me."

"I'm sorry, I would've woke up earlier if I knew you stayed home for me."

"No, it's okay. I also didn't go because I could get in trouble by doing something if I saw Taylor today. I know I need to cool down."

"That's a good idea then. What happened at Riley's before you became a spy and snuck into your girlfriend's secure, isolated, hospital room?"

Deena was nervous to bring up last night. She was worried that maybe Sam changed her mind and believed Taylor again. She also didn't want to say anything to upset Sam. After she saw how sick Sam was starting to look again last night, she only wanted to make Sam feel better, not worse.

"Kate took my stereo that I make mixtapes on for you and took a mixtape I just made you and recorded over it. She put it in Simons pocket. Then they went to Riley's house saying they were just there to hang out but then I walked in and she confessed right away. She said that Taylor laid her $400 to lie and to hug me and kiss my cheek like that in the locker room while Taylor watched. She said she needed the money to help her mom with rent. Her dad just left them. But still, you don't fuck with people's lives and relationships to get that."

"Holy shit. Are you going to take the tape to the principal?"

"I haven't thought about it honestly. I have only thought about you since last night...I'm so sorry I couldn't stay, Sam. It killed me to let you go and leave you."

"It's not your fault, Deena. I was a mess last night. I've been a mess for the past few days. I thought it was a dream at first when I opened my eyes and saw you. You're doing everything you can do, Deena." Sam closed her eyes and remembered how it felt when she touched Deena's face last night, it felt like a dream to her.

"I love you so much Sam. Thank you for believing me. I couldn't bare to live in a world that made you believe I cheated on you. I would never do that to you. I would never want to. I wouldn't risk what we have for that. I love you." Deena closed her eyes as she spoke, trying to imagine Sam's in the room with her as they talked.

"I love you so much too. I'm sorry that I let them get in my head and made me doubt us. Once I calmed down, I realized how perfect this would be for Taylor. And that you would never do something like that. My dad brought me stuff by the way. I'm wearing your blue and green stripped sweater and some blue shorts of yours. I've missed them so much."

"I'm completely out of shorts, you know. I think I have like two sweaters left. But it's worth it. I love that you're wearing it."

"So you told your doctor that you wanted to marry me?" Deena laughed as she spoke, she knew Sam would be embarrassed by it but it was too adorable to Deena. It made her fall in love with Sam even more.