it's you, it's always been you

chapter 69

Sam nodded, "yes for our blue house."

Sam had asked Simon to pick up their usuals from the restaurant her and Deena always went to together for cheeseburgers. He dropped them off to Sam right before Sam asked Deena to come with her to drive somewhere.

It was a tradition that Deena's mom started. Every Sunday they would go to this same restaurant. It started the first summer Sam and Deena were friends. Sam came over everyday to Deena's house.

As soon as Sam spent one day hanging out at Deena's house and with Deena, Sam wanted to be there all the time. She didn't know other families weren't like hers at that age.

When Deena's mom saw how strict Sam's mom was with Sam, especially about the things she allowed Sam to eat, Deena's mom asked Sam what she craved for most but rarely had.

So every Sunday after that, the Johnson's plus Sam would go and get cheeseburgers and Sam and Deena would end up sitting at their own table together.

Sam felt the happiest on these days and Deena felt closer to Sam the more they were together and around Deena's family.

Deena loved the moments she had with Sam. The ones where they were alone, but she also loved the moment when her family treated Sam like family and she saw how happy it made Sam.

Sam's mom would try to limit Sam's time at the Johnsons, but Sam snuck out every chance she got. Some days Sam was too sad or scared to go home that Sam's mom would come over and force her to leave.

Deena wrote in her notebook to Sam almost every Sunday Sam went with them in the last year before her mom died.

Even when her mom passed, Deena's dad kept up the tradition for a few Sundays. But the loss of his wife broke him and he spent too much time at work and then spent too much time with beer when he was home.

Sam was excited for Deena to get her drivers license, because she planned to start the tradition again with Deena.

The first few months of doing the tradition again were emotional and Sam held Deena every time she cried and Sam tried so hard not to cry too.

It was difficult for Deena to get out of bed after her mom died. But Sam came over everyday and stayed as long as she could with Deena.

Sometimes they would just sit next to each other and not talk. Sometimes Deena would just lay her head on Sam's lap or shoulder and listen to whatever was on the radio.

"This is where I ran to. When I left my dad's house. My blood is probably still on that rock." Sam said as she looked at the huge rock.

"You walked all this way and then to my house? Fuck Sam, that's so far. I don't know how you made it without passing out. "

"I stopped at my moms to drink something because I was getting dizzy from the blood loss. I was there for less than five minutes. Then I got towels for the bleeding. She said... she said that she was sorry. That apparently me getting shot was the wake up call for her. She dumped Caleb's dad and said sorry for not believing me when he was arrested before." Sam sighed, taking the last bite of her cheeseburger.

"Wow, that's the wake up call she got. After everything, it took you getting shot to make her realize she's fucked up. I'm sorry Sam." Deena finished her sandwich as well and place her hand on Sam's thigh.

"It's okay. I have you and that's all that matters." Sam smiled before leaning in and kissing Deena.

She was nervous for a moment. Sam had something she wanted to tell Deena that she's been practicing over and over in her mind for the past few days as she prepared for today.

Sam turned so she was right in front and facing Deena.

"Deena, I know in my letter I wrote you in the hospital said that when I kissed you the world shook. It's true my life did change. I'm not just saying that, it really did. You've always been the most important person to me ever since I met you in my rain coat. I thought I was broke because of how I felt nothing when boys would kiss me. But then I kissed you and I knew I wasn't broken. It was because I wasn't kissing you."

Sam reached out and took Deena's hand in hers. "I've been trying to figure the moment I knew I was in love with you, but I realized that I always have been. There wasn't a huge moment when I knew. My love for you has always been a part of me. I just didn't see it and when I realized it, I was scared. Not scared of you but myself. I wasted so much time in my life by being scared. When I'm with you, I know I'm brave. No matter what comes in our way, cancer, spleens, appendix, awful parents, Caleb or Olivia, we made it through and with you, I know we can make it through whatever else happens."

Sam pulled out a ring from her pocket.  It was her grandma's ring that's been in her dads side of the family for decades. Her grandma was the person she loved and admired most in her family when she was still alive.

"This is my grandma's, on my dads side. The good grandma. The only family member that really treated me good and loved me. So for that reason, it's very important to me. It's been in the family for generations and decades. Before she died she gave it to me and said to always keep it close to my heart."

Sam held the ring closer to Deena so she could see. Deena looked at Sam with so much love as she spoke, in awe of what she was saying and doing.

"I'm not proposing right now. But I've always had this and I've never knew what to do with it and how to keep it close to my heart. But now I know. You are my heart, I don't have it anymore. It's yours, it's you. I want you to have it and wear it, if you want." Sam stopped to wipe a tear away that fell down Deena's cheek.

"You're my heart, Deena. I want you to look at the ring and know you are loved completely and never alone. The ring is also a promise. A promise to never give up. The promise that it's you and me always. We are the way out." Sam brought her hand to Deena's face and pulled her closer.

She kissed Deena slowly and deeply, consumed with all the love she had for her in the moment.

Sam let go and took Deena's right hand and slid the ring on her ring finger. She was surprised at how well it fit Deena.

"I love you so much Sam. So fucking much. This means everything. I'm in awe of you right now. I'm always in awe of you. I love this ring and I'm always going to wear it, Sam. You're my heart too. I love you so much, this is," Deena stopped mid sentence as she felt the intense urge to kiss Sam with all the force she could.

Sam kissed Deena back with the same intensity, deepening their kiss. Her hands went to the back of Deena's neck as Deena pulled her onto Deena's lap and straddled her.

Deena's hands slipped under Sam's shirt and her fingers trailed along Sam's spine, causing Sam to shiver.

Sam's tongue begged for an entrance and Deena opened her lips to allow it and both of them let out a soft moan at the contact.

Deena broke the kiss to take Sam's shirt off her, wasting no time as she immediately peppered kisses on Sam's collarbone.

Deena took her lips off of Sam the moment they felt rain falling. Deena was about to move to get up but Sam leaned down to kiss Deena again, sharing the same intensity as before.

Sam felt the cold rain on her bare skin as her hair got soaked, but she kept kissing and touching Deena until Deena pulled back which made Sam whimper.

Deena laughed then helped Sam stand and got up. Deena put Sam's shirt back on her before they laughed as they gathered all their stuff and ran back to the car.