it's you, it's always been you

"what if.."

Deena's heart ached as Sam pulled away from her and went out the door.

She was so confused by Sam. But at the same time, she understood her. They were caught up in the passion and heat of the moment.

There were so many emotions between them and they intensified the moment they reunited. They weren't thinking about anything besides the other person's touch.

Deena went to the master bedroom and washed up and change. As she went to the stairs she saw Sam sitting on the porch.

When she was done she went to the porch to find Sam but she wasn't there anymore.

"Deena," Sam said from the dinning room, causing Deena to jump.

"Sam," Deena spoke as she walked towards Sam.

"Can you sit with me?" Sam asked, motioning for the table and Deena nodded right away and sat down.

Sam laid her hands on the table, her gaze was stuck on them.

"I really loved you, you know. I really did. It was the greatest and strongest thing about me. And you left. I don't forgive you for that. I know we just did.. that. But I don't forgive you Deena. The pain is still there and it won't go away for a long time if ever."

Deena fought the urge to reach out and take Sam's hand.

"I know you did Sam, and there's not a day or minute I don't hate myself for breaking up with you. I know you don't forgive me. You have every right to not forgive me. I love you so much and I always will. Even if you leave here and never come back. I'll always love you with my entire heart everyday. I will wait for you everyday, every second. I'll be right here."

A lump grew in Sam's throat as Deena spoke and a few tears fell from her eyes when she looked at Deena. With how much time she had left, she couldn't be without Deena any longer. She needed Deena and now she was sitting right next to her.

"I'm not forgiving you or trusting you completely now. But I missed you so much. I felt so empty without you. I tried so many things, so many awful things to try to forget you. To stop feeling my love for you.." Sam's bottom lip started to shake and her cries getting harder between words. She took a few deep breaths before she continued.

"You don't get to do that again. To just throw me out. I won't survive it Deena. I won't. I didn't want to see you when I came back. But I needed to see you. I can't bare it any longer. I can't be without you anymore. I'm not forgiving you. Or just giving in and being with you again. It will take time if that happens. Don't fucking do it Deena. Don't break me again." Sam held her breath after she spoke. She buried her face in her hands as she cried even harder.

Deena immediately went to Sam, and wrapped her arms around her. She started crying too, she felt awful when Sam was talking about how she felt. But there was also some hope from her words, that Sam would talk to Deena again. She wasn't sure if she meant as they would be together again.

"I'm not going to leave you Sam. I'm not going to do anything to hurt you again. I can't be without you either. I love you so fucking much and I'm so in love with you still. I'll try everyday and every minute if you let me to show you how much I am sorry and love you. I have been torn apart since that phone call. I'll never hurt you again. I'll fight everyday for us and for you to trust me again. Thank you for coming back. To me I mean. To meeting me. I'll get whatever I can take to be around you. And be there for you. I can't bare it any longer either. I know I won't make it through losing you again even though it was my fault. I'll go wherever you go. I don't care as long as I'm with you. I'll do whatever you want and need." Deena ran her hand down and up Sam's back as she held Sam, both of them crying now.