it's you, it's always been you

chapter 31

Sam had completed her cycle of chemotherapy. It had last now almost two complete months. And today she had tests done to see how the chemotherapy affected her and the cancer cells.

The doctors asked Sam's dad to come in as soon as he was off work when the test results came back. He told Deena what time he was going to be there, so she would be there also when they spoke to him about the results.

Deena held Sam's hand as she sat in the bed next to Sam. This was normal to them now, and even to the nurses and doctors that came to treat Sam. Sam's dad hasn't brought it up to either Sam nor Deena. He knew it wasn't the right time to discuss their relationship. When Sam got better then they could talk about it, but until then Sam's dad needed Sam to be the strongest she could be, and he knew how much stronger she was with Deena at her side.

Deena slept with Sam in her arms every night since Sam started receiving chemotherapy. If anyone tried to protest or telling Deena visiting hours were over, Sam would refuse medicine or tests and quickly they would give into Sam.

The doctor handed scans and paperwork with results on them to Sam's dad as they spoke and explained the results.

"No new cancer cells have been produced. Which is great news and the biggest concern we had before chemotherapy. Unfortunately," the doctor paused to hand over another scan.

The pause made Deena's stomach twist together, she was so glad to receive the good news, but she knew bad news as coming. This is still Shadyside after all.

"The spleen, is part of the lymphatic system and filters the blood, removing worn out red blood cells. It also stores red blood cells and contains lymph node tissue and many lymphocytes. Lymphocytes are types of white blood cells. Your white blood cells help fight infection. The spleens job is to break down red blood cells. A huge problem with leukemia is the very few amount of red blood cells in the blood system." All three of them were trying to keep up with the doctor was saying. They knew it was bad news, and they were terrified to know what the bad news meant for Sam.

"Basically, we have to remove Sam's spleen, the lymph nodes of the spleen are consumed with cancer cells, and the quicker we get it out the better. We have a surgery scheduled for tomorrow morning. There are many risks to this surgery. The most significant one is that her immune system will be compromised. Her immune system won't keep up with the number of white blood cells for a few days after the surgery. And infection is always a major risk of surgery. So her body won't be as strong to fight an infection." Sam's dad looked over the results in his lap, his eyebrows knitted together as he processed it.

Deena's jaw fell agape as she stared down at her hand and Sam's in her lap. She knew the best news was no more new cancer cells, but there was still a huge risk with the cancer that was still in Sam's body.

"Okay, let's do it." Sam was the first one to speak up, looking directly at the doctor.

"You know they are saying you most likely will get infected with the surgery and your body won't be strong enough to fight it? Sam we can do more therapy and there's still a huge chance it can destroy the rest of the cancer cells." Sam's dad said, looking between the doctors and Sam.

"Yeah, I do but I can't do anymore chemo. I can't. I did it for you and Deena. I'm done. I'm not going through it again, I won't make it out, I know it. All I do everyday is sleep. I throw up all day and I can barely eat. My body hurts all the time. I can't even walk by myself I'm so weak. This is not how I want to live anymore." Sam knew for certain what the next step she was going to take.

She knew that Deena and her dads choice would be for more chemotherapy. It prevented more cancer but didn't stop or kill any of the cancer Sam already had. That was the safest option.

"I did the chemo. I fought everyday. I got sick everyday. I was in pain everyday. For 2 months. I did it only for the both or you, but now it's my turn. I know the risks but I also know that this can work and this can take the cancer out. I'm doing this."

Deena tried to fight Sam, to tell her that she would survive more chemotherapy and that she would stay out of school and with her everyday if she did.

But Sam knew what she wanted. Deena saw the pain Sam had everyday. She saw how little there was left of Sam and she understood Sam although it's not what she wanted.