it's you, it's always been you

chapter 35

"You can go, Sam. We will be okay. You don't have to hurt anymore. I love you. We love you, I will miss you with my entire soul. I love you so fucking much Sam. I'll never let go of you." Deena fell into Sam's lap, her cries turned into sobbing now.

Deena has only gotten, at the most, 12 hours in total of sleep for the past week. She cried so hard and for so long that she exhausted herself. She couldn't resist it much longer as she finally fell asleep, still laying her head on Sam's lap.

Deena woke up to the sound of Sam's dad receiving a phone call. She sat up, feeling groggy at first as reality set in around her. She looked up to Sam, seeing as nothing changed and Sam still hasn't awoke or moved.

She could figure out that Sam's dad was talking to a funeral home. He looked as completely devastated as Deena was sure she looked.

She leaned back in chair, her head leaning on the back of it as she looked up at the ceiling.

She was beyond mad, she was pissed off at God, she was passed off that she had faith in the prayers where she begged God to help Sam.

Now everything was ruined. Sam was leaving her little by little. Her dad was making funeral plans for her. Sam was going to be on hospice care so Sam could die comfortably.

Kate, Simon and Josh met Deena at the doors to the ICU, Deena fell into their arms, she cried and then they all gave in and cried also. All their hearts were broken for Sam, but also for Deena.

They saw the difference in Deena that Sam made. They witnessed Deena love Sam in a way that they have never seen before. They have never seen a person love another as much as Deena loved Sam.

Loved.

Now that Sam was leaving, they were terrified what it would do to Deena. They were terrified the dark place the pain would take her. They were terrified that her broken heart would take Deena away too.

Deena sat with them, as they spoke and tried to distract her. They tried to get her to eat, but she wouldn't even look at the food, even when Simon got her favorites.

Deena could only stay away from Sam's room for ten minutes before heading back to her. Sam's dad was standing at the doorway, waiting for her.

"I have to go to the funeral home to finish plans..." Sam's dad said, sounding defeated and somber. "She told me to give this to you if something happened."

He handed her a letter with Deena's name written in Sam's hand writing. Her mind took her back to when Sam tried to talk about if something happened to her.

She walked to the side of Sam's bed, leaning in to place a kiss on her forehead, her lips lingering there for a moment before sitting on the edge of her bed.

Deena opened the letter, looking up at Sam for a moment before reading it.

"Dear Deena,"