Hate me. (Minsung)

//21//

•••
jisung heard an unfamiliar voice after coming out from his room.
albeit through the phone line, but still there nonetheless.

"please tell me you haven't been doing that stuff around jisung.." the sweet sounding voice came through the phone, which was on speaker.

his mother was sitting at the kitchen table, hands pressed against her temples as she used them as support for her head. the phone was placed in front of her.

jisung was peeking in from the living room with curious eyes.

she only sighed in response. "i'm going through a line of shit.." she murmured, shame coating her voice and drowning it out.

the five year old had to hold back a gasp from hearing his mother say a curse word for the first time. he wanted to scold her, but decided to stay out and stay quiet.

"oh god.. you know you shouldn't be doing that stuff while having to take care of ji.. substance abuse can create lasting trauma if a little kid is forced to live around that. dear you know this."

jisung watched the way his mother's shoulders began to shake, and how the grip in her hair went tighter as she continued to have her head low- and he heard the way her breathing became uneven.

it took a second to realize that she had began to cry.

"i'm trying.. i know. you're right." she breathed. "but i just don't know what to do anymore.. i feel so empty- my life feels hopeless and like it's all gone to shit. i know i should be better- but it's so hard to be.."

there was a soft sigh on the other end of the line. "where.. where have you even been getting it? i understand where the comes from alcohol but.. where on earth have you found a place to get drugs?"

jisung's head tilted in confusion from where he was standing at the unfamiliar words. what was that?

another silent sob. "i just.. i don't know." was the short reply that the woman gave the other on the phone.

"listen, you're my best friend. you always have been. i love you so so much, which is why i can't stand to see you becoming like this. i can't stand to see what this'll do to jisung either. please, please try to find someone to help." another soft sigh.

"you're better than this, and we both know that."

that wasn't true.

~~~

"but that's just a theory.. a game theory." the video from jisung's laptop ended.

he waited for the next video to play while he continued to ink a sketch he did, eyes turning to the screen after there was an out of place elongated silence.

he blinked after he realized that he had gotten through the entire playlist and that this was the final video. he finished watching them all, meaning that he was there for well over a few hours.

"wow.." he whispered in realization at himself, finding it both impressive and sad that he completely clocked out of self awareness.

he yawned and stretched, gathering his things to put into his bag. he zipped it shut and rubbed his eyes, reaching for his phone to check his messages.

the first one he noticed was from felix.

felix: a thousand likes. ALREADY.

jisung looked at the message in confusion, not sure what to make out of the statement. that was until his brain decided to properly catch up and process the words.

he realized felix had been talking about the instagram post that he had regretted agreeing to.

his eyes went wide and before even typing out a response his fingers flew to open instagram to check for himself.