Hate me. (Minsung)

//62//

"you need to eat." was the next thing jisung heard come out from minho.

he couldn't tell how long they were there like that, but all he knew was that his brain still wouldn't allow him to think. it wouldn't allow him to even stop crying.

a hand smoothed down jisung's back and lead to his arms, slowly undoing the grip enough so minho could move back.

presumably, he was going to finish cooking. but the moment the warmth was out of jisung's reach he couldn't stand it.

his hand reached out again and tightened in minho's shirt as his lip trembled. "j..just.." his voice was a whisper and shook. his head hung low without the support of minho's shoulder.

his tears kept falling, down onto the bed and down onto his legs. his heart beat hadn't even calmed long enough for it to not hurt, and then he felt the warmth back at his arm.

"come sit down." he was guided blindly by the warmth itself, not attempting to open his eyes enough to see.

he wouldn't have been able to anyway, not when everything was so blurry.

he got up off the bed, being lead with a hand on his arm to the kitchen to sit down on the table.

the moment he sat down, he accidentally let go of another sob and brought a hand to his face.

"it's almost done." the hand left his arm. "just wait a little."

jisung found himself nodding and tried to wipe at his face more and took breaths to calm down. nothing worked. he didn't know why it was so hard to bounce back from it this time.

he felt disgusted with himself. frustrated. upset. he was tired.

but most of all, he was starving. the lump grew and his mouth willed open for a sentence he had no control over.

"i... i'm starving.." he muttered quietly, his throat holding back another sob at the familiarity of the sentence.

he didn't know why he was regressing backwards. but all he could say was that he was hungry. he trembled and wiped his face.

"i know." any usual hostility in minho's voice seemed to be gone. in fact, it sounded softer. it could've been because he was tired, but it felt understanding maybe.

and maybe having his statement be acknowledged for the first time is what made jisung cry harder. he hiccuped, hurting his throat by restricting his sobs.

"i'm hungry.." he whispered again.

and once more, he earned a soft "i know.." in response.

the smell of a home cooked meal filled the room. it was warm and comforting. it was real.

jisung had no idea what minho was even making, but all he knew was that he was tired and his stomach was hurting.

maybe he should've focused on grounding himself some more, but all he could do was listen to the sounds of food being made and the smell of it.

he continued to cry as he heard the sizzle of meat on the stove. he used his sleeve to aimlessly wipe at his face once more, catching so much of the tears that it was soaked of salty liquid.

god, he felt like a kid again.

"here, sit in the chair." minho motioned to the seat, hands coming up to jisung's arm to help move him over.

the younger stumbled a bit but sat down, having the seat pushed in towards the table as minho began placing all the dishes down.

jisung sniffled, his eyes worn and puffy. his nose was red from the constant wiping, and his lips were bitten red. he swallowed down the lump as he sniffled again. he looked down at the dishes.

it was just fried rice with meat. it wasn't anything extravagant, but it was something.

minho got a bowl and put some of the rice inside, getting a few pieces of meat with his chopsticks and placing it inside.

"eat it all." he said, sliding it towards the younger and handing him the chopsticks in his shaky hands. "you need food."

jisung wanted to cry more, but he held back the wave that crashed into his side. he sniffled a final time before taking a small bite with his trembly hands.

"good?" minho was sitting in front of him. even though he initially cooked for himself, he didn't have a bowl in front of him.

jisung nodded his head, swallowing down the food along with the lump in his throat.

they stayed like that for a while. with jisung slowly eating to fill the hole in his heart and minho watching attentively to see him calm down.

it was a weird situation.

it was unusual and odd. this wasn't regular. this wasn't a regular situation.

for the time being, there was no ounce of hate. there was no ounce of dislike or guilt from the past, it was all gone and washing away with every tear that came out of his eyes.

hate wasn't even in the mess of feelings jisung was going through. sure, it was a thought in the back of his head. he knew he shouldn't be so vulnerable in front of the person he hates, but the active feeling of hate wasn't there.

"keep eating," minho's voice brought him back. he didn't realize he stopped shoveling food in his mouth until minho said something.

he shakily sighed, dropping the chopsticks back in the bowl. he brought his sleeves to wipe his eyes for the hundredth time now. "sorry.." he said. "i'm just.."

he wish he could say how much he hated that he was acting like this, but the words wouldn't come out of his mouth.

"it's fine, just eat." minho motioned to the bowl again, not pushing the need for explanation.

for those few minutes of jisung eating, there was silence. the sniffling died down as jisung ate, focusing on the food rather than his feelings.

eventually the pain subsided, and there were nothing but a few grains of rice left in the bowl.

eating worked to calm down his emotions and nerves, and soon he could breathe without feeling like gagging.

there was a lot that went unsaid that could've been said. minho could've said a multitude of things.

he could've questioned jisung. he could've made fun of him. hell, he could've brought up their momentarily ignored feud and brought up the past.

but instead, all he did was look down at the empty dish.

"do you wanna talk about it?" he eventually did ask.

but jisung wiped his eyes and shook his head no.

he thought it would be unfair if he did speak about it.

so instead, minho went to clean the mess in the kitchen and let jisung have room for himself.

and when the time came for them to fall asleep, there was an irregular exchange of "good nights" to each other that didn't usually happen.