Hate me. (Minsung)

//22//

jisung learned what pain was at a very young age.

he learned what pain was in many different ways. all different kinds of pain.

it had been a few weeks since his father left (when he was coming back was a question jisung always asked himself, but as a five year old he never truly understood until he was older that his dad wasn't just going to randomly show up).

it was at this age that jisung saw her less and less, and the house would be empty often.

he never knew where his mother was going, but all his jumbled little brain could focus on most of the time was how hungry he constantly was.

he was always hungry whenever she wasn't home.

that was the first type of pain he got used to.

the dull ache in his stomach that would grow until it became unbearable. the ache that would grumble and grow to the point it would make jisung wanna cry and hold his tummy.

often times his mother would randomly show up late at night, about 8 pm or later, and would offhandedly leave something on the table for jisung to finally eat.

the small boy would scramble to the table, too excited to eat whatever leftovers his mom brought back from wherever she would return from.

he had been too young to learn how to cook, or where to look for any more snacks. so he would often just sit in the living room watching cartoons until his mother came back with food for him.

the hunger distracted him from the state she would appear in, and from the lack of greeting she would give her child.

the other type of pain jisung would experience, was the untreated kind.

jisung was always a lively, energetic kid. he would run around a lot, pretending to be a character from a comic or a tv show. he would bump into a lot of things, but up until that point his mother would always patch him up.

she would have bandaids ready, and would speak to him so lovingly in a secure hug. she would wipe away his tears with her warm hands, leaving a kiss to his nose and his forehead.

it was always like that.

nose first, then forehead.

it was their routine. and then it just broke.

the first time jisung got hurt from falling off his bed (he was pretending he could fly like the character in his favorite animated movie) he instantly ran to find his mother with tears in his eyes.

he held onto his arm, trying not to touch his elbow from where it was hurting from the fall- desperately scanning the house for any sign of her.

"mommy..!" he sniffled, looking around the distressed living room. "hurt myself.." he whispered out with a wobbly voice, but she wasn't there.

his pain was left untreated.

~~~

"hey jisung! glad you could make it!" hyunjin opened his door with an excited smile.

hyunjin invited jisung over because his roommate was gone for the day, and he wanted to watch a movie with the blonde.

jisung showed up happily- not being able to stand being alone in his dorm anymore.

he also might've texted hyunjin asking him what he was up to beforehand. honestly he was suddenly dealing with a lot of unpleasant feelings and he was hoping hyunjin would suggest they do something.

which luckily he did.

they didn't have any classes today, after all.

the two of them settled on a random movie, hyunjin making popcorn for the two of them as they sat in the living room.