The Kim Family Tetralogy

8

Namjoon couldn't sleep.
Which was a fucking nuisance because he was more tired than he'd ever been in his entire life.
But the cold, skeletal, hand of dread still had him in a choke hold, refusing to let go.
He wanted to talk to Jin.
But he also didn't want to talk to Jin.
'Cause he didn't know what to say to him.
'How could you be so fucking stupid?' didn't seem like a good place to start, and honestly?
He was so afraid Jin would break down again, on top of this.
Loosing a fucking eye.
And yeah, that sucked, but the Jin he knew, the Jin he'd been in love with for over ten years, would've found a way to handle that. Get that to work for him.
This Jin?
The one that cussed them all out, dragging Hobi through the mud and going. Out. On. His. Own?
While they still had active death threats to them?
Without a bodyguard?
How?
Namjoon sighed, he didn't even begin to understand how this Jin was doing.
"I want my man back." he begged the dark.
His Jin. The love of his life.
The smart, beautiful, funny, caring, warm man he'd kill an endagered animal for.
If it came to that.
"With my bare hands." he grabbed the air infront of him, strangling it.
And he couldn't talk to the kids about this, yeah, ok, he could, but he didn't want to talk to the kids about this.
Minho got him, he did, but...
He was pretty sure all the horndogs were going at it right now.

There was a time he and Jin couldn't get enough of eachother too, obviously.
When you just had to be close. As close as you could get.
Come on, who was he kidding?
When you had to fuck your brains out at any oportune moment.
He wouldn't say he missed those days, precisely, more like, remembered them fondly.
No, what he really missed, right now, were the normal, average nights.
Where they'd share a meal, maybe with the kids, and go to bed early, watching some silly tv show or just be reading in bed.
But with Jin's head on his shoulder, snuggling up together, loving eachother, doing their thing.
He sighed.
He needed to sleep, but...
'Are you up?' he texted Yoongi.
'Spill.' Yoongi answered faster than the speed of light.
'I' Namjoon started, 'can you come over?' he needed a real person tonight, he really did.
'20 min.'
'Order me some food? Still at work. Starving.'
'Ok. Any requests?'
'Eatable.'
Namjoon snickered and called Bonbon to get roomservice for Yoongi and let him know he'd be showing up.

"Ok. I'm here. Speak to me." Yoongi winked at Namjoon as he was devouring a burger and fries.
Namjoon had to think.
"I, it's" he started, and shook his head.
"That bad, huh?" Yoongi smiled taking a sip of his usual concotion. Namjoon would never understand how the man could drink so much iced coffee and still go to sleep at night.
"Yeah." Namjoon let out a deep sigh, "I mean, the eye thing is shit, but that's not even the worst part, I," he raked his hands over his face and let them fall down into his lap, "I mean, I want to fucking strangle him, for being... but, could he take it? And... I feel like e v e r y t h i n g is on me right now, and the kids, and all the," he waved his hands around, "shit. And, I fucking need him to walk me through this, and, yeah, I got his back, but..."
"Ok." Yoongi said and put the food down, "Listen, my friend," he smiled crookedly, "I love you, and I say this with the greatest admiration and respect for you, but,"
"What?"
"You do kinda live with your head up your ass, and that's fine!" he held a hand out to excuse his harsh words, "I mean, as long as Jin's there to remind you to eat and sleep and poo, you do just fine, but."
"Yeah." Namjoon agreed, on an exhausted sigh.
"And now," Yoongi took another sip of his coffee, "he's, if I understood Hobi correctly, kinda taken a sabbatical from himself and gone off the rails?"
"Yeah." Namjoon sighed, yet again, "But the worst part is, I don't know how to talk to him anymore? Who is this person? I, I," he searched for words, "it's like he's been possessed, or something? I,"
"I'm lost." Namjoon admitted.
"He probably is too." Yoongi nodded, "From what I gather, that was some mighty repression going on in there, and, yeah, he probably don't know what to make of this new Jin, either."
"So what do I do? I just take everything in stride or?"
"Yeah, you gotta roll with the punches." Yoongi nodded, "But that's easy for me to say, sitting here looking in on you two." he admitted, "I mean, I have no idea how I'd react if it were me and, no, not Jangmi, I haven't known her long enough, say, me and Hobi? If he suddenly one day needed to, I don't know? Rediscover? Himself?" he shrugged.
"I guess I'm just scared." Namjoon confessed, "I mean what if he doesn't want me anymore? If he realises he could do better and," he stared off to the side.
"Is that really what you're scared of?" Yoongi searched Namjoon's face, "Do you really think Kim Seokjin, brother of Kim Taehyung, two of the most loyal and steadfast lovers in the world, and I'm pretty sure, only capable of loving their first loves for the rest of their lives, is gonna fall out of love with you? Strike that, break up with you? Everyone falls out of love with their longtime partner," he shrugged as an explanation, "but those who make it work give themselves time to fall back into love again."
"No, you're right." Namjoon admitted, "It's me. I'm doubting me. Maybe I've been naive, but, I've always figured, we'd be pretty much the same as we are today our whole lives." he shrugged, and then did a sharp intake of air, "What if I can't love the, this new Jin? What if I?" he broke down in tears, "Let him down?" he whispered through sobs.
Yoongi moved over to Namjoon's side and put his arm around him, "I don't know what to tell you, Namjoon. If you let him down, you let him down, but"
"But what?" Namjoon wiped his eyes.
"Does that automatically mean you're over? I," he shrugged again, "I mean Hobi would have to pull some serious shit if I were to call it quits with him, and, yeah?" he squeezed him tighter, "I'm not suggesting you plan on decieving him or, I don't know? Run from the tab? But,"
"Are you saying me being a dickhead might not be a deal-breaker for him?"
"Well, dickhead was your word, not mine, but." Yoongi snortled.
They sat side by side, thinking their own thoughts for a while.
"I think the question is, what you have to figure out is," Yoongi broke the silence, "what's a deal-breaker for you? Where do you draw the line?."
"Huh."
Namjoon had never thought about it like that before?
Was there something he couldn't accept?
Someplace he couldn't follow Jin to?
He didn't know.
But this wasn't it, he realised.
This was just, being scared, and disappointed.
Anger 'cause he'd have to adapt to new circumstances.
"I think I'm a grown-up," he confessed, a bit taken aback, "but I'm really not." he turned to Yoongi.
"I think grown-ups are a myth." Yoongi said, "I think everyone makes it up as they go along, all of us, the whole time."
"You might be right." Namjoon chuckled, "Thank you for lending me your ears, tonight, Yoongi. I truly needed it." he was sincere.
"Don't thank me yet," Yoongi laughed, "I'm totally staying here tonight." he told him, "And we're gonna have to share the bed, 'cause my shoulder does not lend itself well to couches yet."
"No problem." Namjoon smiled, "But I snore." he shrugged.
"Don't care." Yoongi admitted, "I'm so tired a, I don't know? Something really loud, couldn't wake me. I'm sure." he cracked his neck out, "Mind if I take a shower?" he asked.
"Of course not!" Namjoon laughed, "Do you want something to sleep in, or?"
"Normally, I sleep as the good Lord made me," Yoongi shrugged, "but if that makes you uncomfortable, I could borrow a t-shirt or something?"
"Nah, go ahead, man." Namjoon calmed him, "I'll probably be asleep when you're done, anyway, so."
"Ok." Yoongi smiled, "I need to get up, real early, and, yeah, I'll probably wake you..."
"Yoongi, it's fine!" Namjoon assured him, "I dragged you here so you could listen to me whine! You can wake me or make me run laps tomorrow morning, I'm in your debt!"
"Aish!" Yoongi slapped him, "You're my friend, you big buffoon! Come here you!" Yoongi pulled him in for a hug, "You're allowed to need your friends, Namjoon, that's kinda part of the whole set-up."
"Yeah," Namjoon agreed, "but it's scary."
"I know." Yoongi swayed them, side to side, "But papa Yoongi's got you."
"Aish!" Namjoon shoved him, "We're the same age, you and I! Come on!"
"Still yo' papa!" Yoongi laughed and left to take his shower.
"Yeah, well, yo' mama!" Namjoon shouted after him.
"Namjoon!" Yoongi said, stickning his head back out, "You made a funny!"
Namjoon threw his rolled up socks at him.
"Asshole." he muttered. With a little bit of giggle on the side.