The Kim Family Tetralogy

50

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They were still in their clothing.
Kinda.
Both their pants were open and Namjoon had his t-shirt around his neck whilst Jin's shirt hanged off one of his arms.
Namjoon was on his back, one leg over the back of the small couch and the other one sticking out under the table.
Jin was on top of him with a leg bent up in the air and the other firmly planted on the ground in an impossible double stag split leap, grinding into him.
Namjoon weltered them to the side and stood up, hoisting Jin into his arms and carried him into the bedroom, where he put him down and turned off all the lights, "You lead the way, baby." he whispered, leaning his head against Jin's.
"I can't." Jin sob-whispered, "I want you so badly, but, I'm so scared."
"Oh, honey." Namjoon sighed and gathered him in his arms, "Let me hold you, then?" he suggested.
"No." Jin shook his head, "I want this. I need this. You and me. Anew."
"Ok?" Namjoon stood there, arms to his sides, not sure what to do right now.
"Let's sit like we did before." Jin suggested, "I liked that. It made me feel safe. And bold."
"Ok." Namjoon again agreed and sat down on the bead, leaning his back on the head board and Jin sat down between his legs, "Take my hands." he suggested and had Jin place his own over Namjoon's.

Jin rested his head on Namjoon's shoulder, but, he didn't know what to do now, it felt, off.
"Jin," Namjoon whispered, "I think we need to see eachother." he placed a soft little kiss at the top of Jin's ear, and reached over to turn the bedside lamp on, "Because I need to know you're here with me and not somewhere else in your head." he explained, "That's what I need. Please tell me what you need?" he leaned Jin on his arm so he could look at him.
Jin carefully cupped the side of Namjoon's cheek and whispered, "You. I need you."
"Well, you have me." Namjoon smiled, "I am yours."
"Still?" Jin felt his eyes brim with tears.
"Always." Namjoon promised, and kissed him.
"Why do you love me, Namjoon?" Jin whispered, feeling like a piece of candy wrapper, forgotten under a chair somewhere.
"Remember when we met in the library?" Namjoon whispered, and Jin nodded, "I saw this, truly beautiful, young man, you," Namjoon poked Jin on his stomach, "who was trying so hard to fill the shoes of this superhero he had invented" he bumped Jin's shoulder, "to stay alive, and care for his brother. And he was doing so well." Namjoon stroked the side of Jin's face "And I thought to myself, 'What would it be like to love someone so much you'd be prepared to do whatever it took to make sure their true self was protected and allowed to blossom? What superpower does this man have, to be able to love so fiercely, that he can provide that for not only his brother, but himself, too?'" he softly rocked the two of them together, "You opened a door for me." he nodded, "Into my own heart, where the love I didn't know I harboured was overflowing and," he paused, "I realised, I could learn to love from you. Not only other people, but myself as well. It's the greatest gift I've ever gotten, learning to love. You gave that to me, and I'm am still in awe of your capability to love, Jin." he nodded, "It fascinates me. You, fascinate me. I love you."
"I don't deserve you." Jin cried.
"You do!" Namjoon held him close, "I wouldn't be without you! Don't you see? That's what you taught me? That I deserve to be loved, that I deserve to love, that I deserve to love you." he kissed his forehead, "And you, my love, my life, deserve my love, too. And I am beyond lucky to be loved by you. If I still am?"
"Oh, God, yes!" Jin sobbed, "I love you so much Namjoon, so much!" he grabbed Joon's head and feverishly kissed him, "But I'm still scared to, I don't know, show myself?"
"Do you remember the first time we, you know?" Namjoon bucked his hips.
"Oh, yeah." Jin breathed, "I'll never forget." he wriggled am arm under Namjoon's back and leaned his head on his chest, "It felt like the world, changed, and, became, richer?" Jin reminisced.
"Mm," Namjoon agreed, "But, do you remember how scared we both were? That we were doing it wrong? Or maybe shouldn't? That we were, I don't know? Deprived? For wanting to? And how long it took us to actually, you know, get to it?"
"Huh." Jin grew thoughtful, "You're right. Took us pretty much the whole weekend."
"And we both cried or freaked out, I don't know how many times, and it wasn't until we both stood naked infront of eachother, holding hands, promising to not hold back what we felt, when we felt it, that we could actually do it. Become closer than we'd ever had before." he placed a kiss on Jin's forehead, "So, I think that's what we need to do this time too. We have to voice it. And trust that this is something we both want, if it is something we both want?"
"What do you mean?" Jin said, holding his breath.
"I mean," Namjoon sighed, "I did a lot of soul searching while you were away, and I know, truly I do, that I want this life with you."
"I," Jin began but Namjoon put a finger over his mouth, "I want to give you time, Jin, if you need it, that's the only thing I can give you, to land, find your bearing, and truly decide what kind of life you want, and, if you want to share it with me."
"Namjoon," Jin sat up, crosslegged, and took his hand, "that's is one of two things I've been fundamentaly certain of this whole time, that I want you and our messed up but truly blessed life and that I love you. And our son. That's the other thing." he shrugged.
Namjoon placed his hand on Jin's cheek, "I've never heard you call him our son for real before." he whispered.
"He is. He is my son," Jin got tears in his eyes, "and yours too. And Jungkook is our kid. And I'm so proud of them! And I'm going to have to let them go, and it breaks my heart, and it feels too soon, but that is on me, not them." he sob-chuckled.
"Have you told Taehyung about this? That you're proud of him? And that you've finally accepted the fact that you are his dad?" he catched Jin's tears with his thumb.
Jin shook his head, "Not yet." he sighed, "I, want to see him, hold him, hug him."
"He misses you." Namjoon whispered and shuffled himself to a more upright position.
"I miss him too." Jin cried, "And I didn't realise, before, how much I've depended on him to keep me, I don't know, sane? He's so affectionate and loving and, holding him, hugging him has always made my day better, easier. Even when we were kids. I love him more that I love my own life. I always have." he confessed.
"I know, baby." Namjoon squeezed Jin's hands, "You don't have to hide that from me. I know. And it makes me love you even more. And, I want to protect you. Two. And your bond. I'll die protecting it, Jin. Because I love you, my family, so incredibly much. And," he huffed and looked down in his lap for a second, "I want you." he said, looking up, meeting Jins gaze, "And I think you want me too," he smiled, "but even if you didn't, Taehyung would still be my son and I would care for him for the rest of my life, with or without you, Jin."
"God, I love you." Jin groaned and pulled Namjoon's head close so he could kiss him, "I love you. I want you. I want our life, I know this. I know this, Namjoon. I want what we have. I love you. With or without Taehyung." Jin's eyes brimmed over with tears, "Shit, I can't even say it out loud, 'cause I love him so much." he gasped.
"I love you for loving him so much." Namjoon nodded, holding Jin's cheeks, "I'd still love you even if he didn't exist, but you're a packaged deal, baby, and I choose you. I choose that package. Always."
"Namjoon," Jin sighed happily, and whispered, "you are so sexy."
"I am?"
"Yes." Jin nodded, enthusiastically, "You don't shy away from hard things, you look at them, thoroughly, from every angle and decide what you want to do and do it. I," he exhaled, "it's fucking sexy, it what it is. You, are sexy."
"Shh." Namjoon put a finger over Jin's lips and let his mouth follow, "let's make love now, baby." he whispered, helping him to his feet as he rid Jin of the last of his remaining clothing they'd forgotten all about.

Jin softly removed Namjoon's t-shirt, shyly kissing every inch of his fingers, hands and arms.
Namjoon started shaking, shivering, like a horse after a long race, feeling every touch from Jin's lips throughout his entire body.
"You are an old soul, Kim Namjoon." Jin whispered, stroking his body, "I cannot get enough of your wisdom."
"Jin." Namjoon breathed, and placed a hot kiss at the center of Jin's chestbone, holding him with his strong arms as Jin lost practically all muscle tone and melted, almost falling backwards.
He lowered Jin down on the bed, kissing his way across his pecs, nibbling on a nipple, "I love these arms." Namjoon whispered and let his fingers brush over them as he put them around his neck, "I love these lips." he kissed him, "I love you." he gazed at Jin, softly caressing his body before bending so he could kiss the inside of his knee.
He placed a million light kisses over Jin's inner thigh and shocked him sensless when he, without warning, wet Jin's balls with his tongue.
"Hnng!" Jin entire body clenched from the surprise attack, and he squeezed his thighs around Namjoon's head to the point where it almost hurt.
Namjoon gently pried his legs apart and kept licking his balls, the base of his cock and then took him all in his mouth.
"God!" Jin gasped, "I'm gonna come!"
Namjoon hollowed his cheeks out and let his tongue swirl around Jin's length, feeling the soft swoosh of Jin's release down his throat.
"Christ, Namjoon!" Jin chuckled.
"Mm." Namjoon purred contentedly, kissing his way up Jin's body.
Jin stroked Joon's forehead with his thumbs, "I still want to feel you in me." he whispered, smiling.
"Are you sure, baby?" Namjoon asked sincerely, "I mean, it's been ages, and," he shrugged, "you know?"
"Go slow?" Jin suggested.
"Ok, baby." Namjoon agreed, and kissed his way down again, stopping at Jin's left nipple, giving it all his attention 'til he felt Jin's cock start to get hard again.
He let his right hand travel down, using his fingers to feather over Jin's stomach, thighs and rim, and carefully inserted a finger when Jin started to moan from the kisses and touches of Namjoon's body.
"Just a sec, baby." Namjoon whispered and found a small bottle of lube in his pocket and went back to kissing, touching, loving, his man.
He lubed his hands up and gently put two fingers in, "Ok, baby?" he wanted to know.
"Yeah." Jin panted, "Oooh!" he moaned when Namjoon awakened his prostate, "Oooh! I-h, OOH!" his hips started to jiggle.
Namjoon swirled his fingers around, coating his soft walls and tickled a third finger in, "Still good, baby?"
"So good!" Jin drooled, fisting the sheets.
Namjoon took him in his mouth again,
"Namjoon! Please!" Jin took hold of his head and pried him off, "I need you!"
"Ok." Namjoon agreed and started kissing his way back up along Jin's body, fingers still inside, slowly and very carefully thrusting them back and forth, "Ready, baby?"
"Yeah." Jin breathed and felt Namjoon slid into place, "OOOH!" shivers of pleasure, completement, fullness, raced through Jin's body, and he whipped his head back, "I don't remember it feeling this good, baby! he confessed. It was an entirely knew sensation for him, feeling Namjoon in every single cell of his being.
"Look at me, baby." Namjoon held Jin's head with his right hand, "Look at me." he started moving, "This is me. All of me. All the ugly, cowardly, scaredy cat me. And I love you."
"OMG, Namjoon!" Jin groaned, feeling overwhelmed by love, "I love you." he felt himself strip down to the innermost part of himself, where he didn't always like to be, "This is me, Namjoon." he panted, "The asshole parts, lying me, the coward. Here I am, Namjoon." he felt his eyes brim with tears, "And I love you. I love you."
"P-promise me," Namjoon grunted, "promise me this honesty, Jin. Promise me."
"Yes." Jin groaned, "Honesty, h-ooh," he was starting to come apart, "let's live in honesty. I promiiiiissse." he arched of the bed and spilled his seed between them, drowing in Namjoon's eyes.
"JIN!" Namjoon came in one last thrust, feeling as the world consisted only of Jin's eyes.
They stayed locked in eachother's gazes, panting, looking, feeling.
"You're crying, baby." Jin softly said, and freed a hand so he could catch the tears on Namjoon's cheeks.
"I am?" Namjoon still panted.
"Mm." Jin smiled.

And Namjoon felt cold all over, 'cause he suddenly realised he felt a bit, done, with this.
Which was weird, because, well, because he wasn't. Done.
He still wanted this life.
He still loved his family.
Jin.
"Too much emotion." he lied, feeling like a complete dick, having demanded honesty two seconds ago.
"Hm." Jin said, sensing that something was off.
"I don't know, baby." Namjoon sighed, "I feel, weird." he confessed.
"Weird, how?" Jin got up on his elbows.
"Like we just, ended, something." Namjoon admitted.
"Ended, us?"
"I don't know." Namjoon tried to search his feeling, "No?" he shook his head, looking like a lost little kid, "I don't think so? I don't know." he let his head hang down, supporting it lightly on Jin's chest, crying for real now, "But I still want you!" he raised his head, "I'm just,"
Lost.