The Kim Family Tetralogy

22

Taehyung had suggested, what at the time felt like a brilliant idea to Namjoon, that he and Jin seek counseling together.
Now that they were, in fact, counseleers, he rather regretted the enterprise all together.
"From what you both have told me, seperately, a lot has happened in your lives these past six months," the therapist began.
Jin was staring off into the distant space, a black cloud of 'don't want to be here' looming over him.
Namjoon nodded, politely.
"You do have a lot on your shoulders," the therapist acknowledged, "and that tends to put quite the strain on any relationship, no matter how stable or longtime it may be." she nodded, "And you have kids, albeit, almost your age, but still, kids. For all intents and purposes."
She shuffled some papers around.
"Namjoon" she said, "why don't you start, and tell Jin what you struggle the most with right now?"
"Oh. Ok." Namjoon felt utterly unprepared, "I guess," he started a bit hesitant, "I'm really worried about Jin and what I can do to, I don't know? Be there for him? When he needs me? Because I also feel like I can do nothing right, right now, you know? Like everything I say and do just pisses him off more?"
"Yeah, but," Jin started to protest but got cut off by the therapist, "Just listen right now Jin, you get to say what's on your mind in a second." Jin crossed his arms infront of him and leaned back in his chair. Pouting.
"'nd," Namjoon swallowed, "it feels like I'm losing him." he said the last part very quietly.
"YOU'RE NOT LOSING ME! JESUS CHRIST!" Jin stood up, "But could you give me a fucking second to get my footing in this new landscape I'm suddenly in?"
Namjoon lost it, "COULD YOU GIVE ME A FUCKING SECOND, TOO? I don't know which way is up and down with you anymore! You can't take a joke, you're mean as fuck, if I'm soft with you, I'm treating you like a bimbo, if i treat you the same as always, I'm not respecting your 'circumstances', I'm fucking BENDING OVER BACKWARDS to accommodate your moodswings, but NOTHING suits you!"
"WHY IS IT UP TO ME TO TELL YOU HOW TO, I DON'T KNOW, EXIST? Fucking decide how, what kind of person you want to be and BE! That." Jin sat down again.
"You're right." Namjoon sighed and sat down too, "I need to step up. And decide what I'm prepared to accept, or not."
"Whattaya mean?" Jin panicked, "You're gonna leave me?"
"No. Of course not." Namjoon sighed, "I love you. I am, deeply, in love with you, but if you keep pushing me away like this, no matter what I do,"
"Please don't leave me!" Jin grabbed Namjoon's arm in a death grip, "Don't le-heave meee!" he wailed, suddenly full on crying, "I'm so-ho sc-a-haerd! A-hand, t-the ki-hids, a-hand I-haim so-ho uh-hugly!"
"Honey!" Namjoon pulled him into his arms, "You're the most beautiful man in the world! And so sexy! And I love you! And I promised you forever, it's still forever, Jin! I want you, forever!"
"Pro-homise?"
"I promise!"

"You say, you feel like Jin is pushing you away?" the therapist suddenly butted in.
"I," Namjoon started, caught off guard, "yes." he nodded, still holding Jin tight, "I'm not sure if he actually has, but that's how it's felt." he admitted.
"And have you?" she asked Jin.
"I don't knooow," he wailed, "maybe?"
"Could it be," she wondered, "that losing an eye and, I'm sorry if I'm offending you, but, so we're all clear on what I mean," she turned to Jin, "your 'breakdown'" she did air quotation marks, "has left you a bit uncertain of your self-worth, as of lately?"
"Yeah," Namjoon continued, "and that your dynamic with Tae has changed?"
"What do you mean?" The therapist asked.
"I mean," Namjoon looked at her, "Jin is the smart, responsible one, Tae's dad, who've always taken care of everything, but, after your accident," he turned to Jin, "Taehyung is the one that has shouldered that burden, and, he's doing great."
"I'm jealous of Tae?" Jin asked, flabbergasted, "I mean, yeah, I'm jealous they, he, gets to work on the things I want to work on, but?"
"And I know you're jealous of Hobi." Namjoon nodded and Jin turned bloodred.
"Why is that?" the therapist asked.
"Eeh," Jin slured his words, unwilling to divulge that information.
"He has landed a truly remarkable man." Namjoon explained, a bit sourly.
"And how does that make you feel?" the therapist asked Namjoon, "That your partner is jealous of another man's man?"
"Bad." Namjoon bit out.
"Bad, how?" she asked.
Namjoon sighed and looked off into the distance, "Ugly, un-refined and chanceless." he confessed, embarrassed to his core.
"So it's safe to say, it's not only Jin's self-confidence that's taken a hit, but yours as well?"
"Probably." Namjoon admitted through clenched jaws.

"Ok." she bent down and picked up a thick binder, from which she loosened two sheets of paper and handed them, "we're out of time, I'm afraid, but here's what I want you to do 'til next time," she took a breath, "I want you to think, long and hard, seperatly, if you want to go forward together or if you just can't see that happening in the future? And, I want you to sit down, together, and reach an understanding of when the last time you made love took place. Not the last time you had sex, the last time you made love. I'm sure you know the difference." she smiled crookedly, "Ok?"
They both nodded.

"Namjoon," Jin whispered as Gared drove them home, "I'm, you don't," he sighed, having trouble finding the words, "I'm sorry if I made you jealous, I," he sighed again, "I think I got a bit confused." he admitted, "'Cause, what I really want is to have Minho as a friend, that's all. But the last time I found someone I wanted as a friend, I ended up falling in love, and," he shrugged, and sighed, "I guess I mixed the two up." he confessed.
"Oh." Namjoon was surprised, "I'm, me?" he wondered.
Jin nodded.
"But he's so..." Namjoon gestured some sort of explanatory gesture.
"Yes." Jin nodded, "Totally. But he's also head over heels for Hobi and, well, I happen to fancy my husband." he smiled, "Also, he and I have zero, zilch, nada, sexual attraction between us. He's totally hot, but he doesn't do it for me." he shrugged, "You do."
"Why?" Namjoon asked, stunned.
"I don't know why! You do! Why do I do it for you?"
"Because you're so warm, and kind, and funny, and beautiful, and so, so, sexy."
"The same can be said of you." Jin nodded.
"But, I, look, weird, and I'm, boring, and,"
"First of all, you don't look weird, you're so handsome, Namjoon, so handsome. And I'm boring too." Jin placed a hand on Namjoon's arm, "And believe me when I tell you, I almost pass out sometimes, looking at you, wanting you, finding you incredibly sexy. Especially when you're absorbed in something, oblivious to your surroundings! Sometimes, I have to sit on my hands so I don't run over to you and feel you up, disturbing your concentration."
"Jin, please disturb my concentration."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Namjoon nodded. "Having you show me you want me, out of the blue?" he swallowed, "You have no idea how much that would mean to me." he confessed.
Jin leaned over and pecked him on the lips, and suddenly they were making out.
"I love you, I love you, I love you," Jin chanted when he had the chance.
"Jin, Jin, Jin," Namjoon chimed.
And then they were home.
They scrambled upstairs, not breaking apart, kissing, kissing, kissing.
Namjoon leaned his back against their closed door, pressing Jin into his own body, cradling Jin's head and kept on kissing him.

A serene stillness decended upon them and the stood, looking into eachother's eyes, for God knows how long.
Jin started to slowly unbotton his shirt, without breaking eye contact and Namjoon was compelled to do the same.
Without a word they undressed, locked in eachother's gazes.
Namjoon would never be able to explain how they made it onto the bed without loosing eye contact, but, somehow, magically, he was on his back with Jin ontop of him as they ground their naked lengths together, and he could have swore he looked straight into Jin's soul. Even in the fake, temporary, eye.
The release seemed to begin to build up in the air around them, making all the hairs on both their bodys stand up.
Jin had no memory, afterwards, what he'd done with his arms the whole time, it was as if he'd been floating on love, desire, and pleasure.
When their thrusts quickened and they inched closer and closer, no words needed to be said, they knew.
It was them.
Come what may.
Hopefully.