The Kim Family Tetralogy

37

'I don't want to go down there.' Jin heard himself think, standing atop the stairs to the lounge hearing the two couples laugh and mingle down there.
Namjoon was peer reviewing some paper in their room and Jin was honestly a bit bored, but.
He suddenly felt like he wouldn't fit in.
Like he'd cramp their style.
Bikram was moving about in the kitchen, humming to some inner tune and Jin fled the premises.
Once outside, he didn't know what to do and stopped on the middle of the driveway, lost.
"Jin?" Bonbon asked, worried, coming out of the house after seeing him through the window.
"Bonbon," Jin panted, "I need to get out of the house. I don't care where. I just,"
"Ok." Bonbon said and closed the door behind them, unlocking the car, "Get in."

They'd driven maybe five minutes when Jin started crying.
Silently.
For no reason.
He just felt like the lonliest person in the world, right now.
Which was, hilarious, since he'd just left a house full of people.
People he loved, no less.
And who loved him.
Why was he the one having such trouble with this, whole, calamity?
No, he realised, it was the inaction that did him in.
Crises, gunshot wounds, dying people, war-like conditions, that he could handle.
That he was prepared for.
This?
It unraveled him.
Made him, thin skinned, out of step, flailing.
Useless.
Bonbon made a turn onto a small, winding, dirt road, and then stopped and got out of the car.
"Come here, son." he said, spreading his arms out and Jin leaned into him, crying like a crazy person while the bodyguard held him.
"I'm sorry." Jin apologised, wiping his tears as the crying quieted down.
"No worries." Bonbon patted his back, "Come on." he popped open the trunk, "We're going fishing." he got out two rods and gave one to Jin.
"Oh?" Jin said, surprised, "I haven't, I don't know how?"
"Sure you do." Bonbon said and took off like a flipping moose, stalking through the greenaries.
Jin had all the trouble in the world keeping up with him.
They came upon a bit of beautiful river bank where Bonbon showed Jin how to throw and reel it in.
It was fun.
Very relaxing.
Hearing the faint plop of the bait landing in the water.
The wind in the trees.
The silence of nature.
Sun starting to set behind the hills.
And Jin caught a trout!
A fish!
A real fish!
Bonbon had to show him how to get it off the hook and wham! He killed it with a fast whack on a stone, pulling all the intestines and stuff out in one smooth move.
The bodyguard had caught three and they decided that was enough.
"Let's cook them." Bonbon suggested.
"Yeah?"
"Mhm." Bonbon smiled, "That's the best part."

He quickly built a fire and went off into the woods for a second and returned with a branch of fir that he distributed between the fish, putting a couple of twigs inside everyone before spearing them over the edge of the fire where he put the rest of the branch, making the smoke rise up around them.
Jin looked on, wide-eyed, feeling like a door into another realm suddenly had opened a little bit, allowing him a glimpse of all the wonders it held.
The robust survival skills that should be ingrained in his DNA, but had gotten lost somewhere along the way, in a long line of affluent anscestors who perhaps didn't need them as such. They'd been able to pay for that knowledge and never truly aquire them for themselves.
'I want to be able to survive in the woods all by myself.' he thought.
Sure he was a doctor, he had a good understanding of what it took to keep people alive, he could, in theory, cure someone's headache or fever with some willow bark. He might even be able to produce some sort of penicillin, should push come to shove, but...
The next thought was, 'but all the crawly little things, brr!' And he had to giggle at himself.
Bonbon looked questionly at him.
"Nah," Jin said on a laugh, shaking his head, "I just thought about how nice it would be to know you would be able to survive, all alone, out in the woods. But then I remembered, I don't really do so well with bugs..."
"Ah." Bonbon smiled.

"You could just go on a camping trip?" Bonbon suggested, after a little while, "With lot's of bug repellant?"
Jin shrugged.
"In my experience, being close to nature, reminding yourself you're actually part of it? Makes you appreciate life so much more." Bonbon explained.
"Yeah." Jin agreed, "It was just, I don't know, the call of the wild? Being able to rely solely on yourself, that suddenly appealed to me."
Bonbon turned the fish around and started to say something but seemed to change his mind.
"What?" Jin wondered.
"I," Bonbon started but got off track and tried again, "I have such problem with that notion." he shrugged, "the relying on yourself one." he admitted, "Because, it's a mirage." he shrugged, "Everyone living today stands on the shoulders of the one's that came before them, all the knowledge and capabilities we as a species have gathered and aquired through the history of time." he shook himself, "We all learn to survive and for some reason, women, have a lot better grasp of this than men, who want to invent the wheel all over again just so they can say they did it all by themselves. I find that very interesting." Bonbon admitted.
"Huh."
"Mm." Bonbon nodded, "But I'm not saying you shouldn't learn survival skills! Not at all. They're good to have and do add a layer of protection in your life, I just have a hang-up on the whole libertarian philosophy, that's all! Sorry!"
Jin laughed, "It's ok! I get what you mean, and I kinda intuitively understand why men in particular are attracted to that idea, that it's all you, you know?" he looked at Bonbon, "Makes you feel like a man's man, you know?" he darkened his voice and flexed his arms, "And since I'm not one of those..." he lifted one shoulder.
"Thank God." Bonbon laughed, "'Cause I happen to believe that sort of man is going two hundered kilometers an hour straight into a evolutionary mountain wall, head first. But don't tell anyone I told you that!"
They had a good laugh.
The fish was done and Bonbon handed Jin one on a stick.
It was delicious. The smoke gave a hint of salt and the fir needles, strangely enough, added a citrusy flavour and depth as well.
"This is so good!" Jin muched, mouth full of fish, happy as a clam.
"Yeah, it is scrumtious, if I may say so myself."

"I don't want to overstep but," Bonbon said when they'd eaten all the fish and were just sharing a moment of stillness, digesting the food.
Four trouts were a bit much on two people, but dang! Jin would've easily eaten three!
"No, please." Jin said, waving his hand to get Bonbon to keep talking.
"I was a soldier, you know?"
Jin nodded, yeah, he'd figured.
"And it's this, the nothingness, the inbetween, when you're just waiting, on orders or the fighting to start anew, that is the hardest to prepare for."
He stirred the fire a bit and then he leaned back, looking at Jin, "Cause there's only so much mending of equipment, getting everything in order, and resting, you can do." he shrugged, "Sooner or later you're going to run out of menial tasks to keep you occupied, while being on high alert."
"So, how?"
"If there's people around you, you venture into silly games, that more often than not become very serious..." he smiled a crooked smile, "If you're alone, well, that takes practise and there are techniques, but Jin," Bonbon looked at him, "you're not alone."
Jin didn't know what to say.
"I know it can feel frivolous and borderline inappropriate to engage in things like that, but it helps if you look at it as a survival tactics..." he shrugged again.
Jin grew thoughtful, trying to take this information to heart.
It used to come naturally to him.
Being silly.
He used to be able to laugh in the face of the most dire events.
He had to.
But.
He sighed.
"Also," Bonbon smiled, "you should hug your kids. At least once a day."
"Yeah, maybe I should." Jin smiled.
"You should." Bonbon nodded, "It's plain to see you love them dearly, and, if I may?"
Jin nodded.
"I've noticed you all were more physical with eachother at the beginning of this than you are now, and, well, in my experience, intimacy keep the dragons away."
"Et hic sunt dracones." Jin sighed.
"Precisely."