Electric / Steve Rogers x OC x Bucky Barnes ✓

Chapter 4: Why Did You Do This?

STEVE

I make my way past Wanda and Vision quickly as I exit her room.

I got so caught up in the moment I simply wasn't thinking.

Did I make a mistake? Of course I did, I shouldn't have put her in that position.

She has no idea what's going on in my head and I have no idea what's going on in hers. She is too young - she is 21 for god's sake! I am almost 100. This is ridiculous.

What the hell were you thinking Steve?!

I reach my own bedroom and walk through the door, closing it behind me. I stand at the entrance a bit before deciding to sit down on my bed. I put my head in my hands as the thoughts overwhelm me.

What do you want? Why did you do this?

Truth is, I don't know why I did it. It wasn't thought out before hand.

I knew I liked her and I knew I was attracted to her the first time I saw her training at the center when she didn't know I was watching.

Seeing her fight, the way she was around Peter and Tony..

I found her instantly interesting.

But infatuation has happened to me so many times before, I didn't think this would be any different.

But Madeline... the way she makes feel.

I cannot control myself around her.

Whenever I see her I just want to grab her and kiss her. Feel her. And when her fingers sparked against my skin I felt ecstatic.

What is wrong with me?

For as long as I can remember I have only ever wanted Peggy.

Even when I came back, even when she died, she was the only woman I have ever thought about or felt anything for.

But she is gone, our chance is gone, and so far it has been impossible for me to accept.

I haven't felt that way about anyone else.

There has been girls in my life lately but none has affected me the way Peggy did.

That is... until now.

Until I felt Madelines touch.

It was electric and it made me feel like I should have been feeling her my whole life. Like I had been missing out.

Like something had been missing.

I had to leave her due to circumstance but I didn't want to.

But I also truly didn't want it to go in the direction it was heading.

I mean, of course I did, she is beautiful and magnificent and I want nothing more than to be with her, but that's not all I want and after today she might think that it is all I want. It's not.

The connection I felt when I first saw her warrants something else. It's dragging me towards her like a magnet.

I cannot and do not want to stay away. That's why I volunteered when Tony said he needed someone to pick her up after training yesterday. That's why I insisted I should be the one training her.

But being near her just made the whole thing so much more intense.

Before I could watch her from afar, keep it at bay. But having her close to me, close enough to touch.. to kiss..

I haven't felt like this for so long I barely know how to interpret it. What is going on with me?

I need to speak to her when she's done with Wanda and Vision. More than that, I need to feel her again. My hands already long for her touch.

I lie down on my bed and look up at the ceiling as I gather my thoughts. I don't know why she is affecting me so much but I need to find out.

I haven't felt anything even close to this in seventy years and I need to know why I do now. Why she makes me feel this way.

I need to feel her again.