Electric / Steve Rogers x OC x Bucky Barnes ✓

Chapter 92: In It For The Long Haul

BUCKY

My heart is still pounding in my chest when I go to knock on her door. 

I knock a few times without a response so I decide to go in without permission. She might be mad at me, but talking to Steve made me realize it's in my best interest to fix this between us. Now. 

As I enter her room it's dark, the curtains are drawn and I see her lying in bed, her back to me. 

"Doll," I say as I close the door behind me. "Let's talk. Please don't be mad at me." 

I don't get a reply so I move to her bed slowly and sit down on the edge. She's under the covers and I'm not sure if she's actually just sleeping. I move my hand to her arm, slowing caressing it, and I realize she's awake when I hear a sniffle. 

I get a giant knot in my stomach once I realize she's been crying. And that it's my fault. 

I move closer to her as I keep my hand on her arm but she doesn't move around to face me. 

"Please. I'm sorry." 

She sniffles again but doesn't reply or turn around. 

I make a quick decision. I move closer to her and get under the covers, pulling her to me tightly as my metal arm curls around her waist. 

She doesn't say anything but she doesn't object either, which I decide is a good sign. I pull her completely flush to me and kiss her neck.

"I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry for acting like an idiot," I whisper as I kiss her neck again. 

She sniffles again but this time she moves around a little, looking at me. 

I see her flushed cheeks and red eyes and it makes me feel even more guilty. I move my hand to her cheek, brushing off a tear. 

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like this. I should have known better. Please know that it didn't mean anything. I'm in love with you, I love you. I would never want anyone else." 

She just looks at me and doesn't say anything. Then she turns her back to me again but this time she snuggles closer into my embrace. 

I exhale a sigh of relief. This is progress. I move my hand from her waist and find her hand, lacing our fingers. 

"Please don't be mad at me. I can't lose you again," I whisper quietly. My chest feels tight and the knot in my stomach is growing by the second. 

After a minute of silence I get worried, but at least her hand is still in mine. 

"It's okay," she finally says quietly, "I just.. I know you feel like I'm not proving how I feel about you by keeping you a secret, but it's not because I don't want to. I just have no idea of how else to go about this." 

"I know," I sigh, "I'm not blaming you. I know this is complicated." 

She squeezes my hand and I move our hands close to her body and pull her impossibly closer to me. 

"I love you," I whisper as I hold her tight. 

"I love you too." 

... 

I realize I fell asleep for a while, holding her, when she turns around in my arms and it wakes me up. When I open my eyes I see her big blue ones looking at me. 

"Hey," I say quietly, still worried she's mad at me. 

"Hi," she replies softly. 

"I'm sorry," I say as I scan her face. "I'll never do it again."

She smiles, "Good." 

I chuckle a little before I put my hand on her cheek, brushing the hair off her face. "Are we okay?" 

"We're okay," she replies quietly and then she leans in to kiss me quickly. 

I smile at her, "I had no idea it would affect you like this. If I did I would have never done it." 

She looks up at me shyly, "It knocked the air from my lungs when I saw you like that. With another woman. I've never seen that before." 

I close my eyes as I sigh, "I know." 

I open my eyes to face her again, "I shouldn't have done that." 

"Buck," she says quietly, "I'm so in love with you. And sometimes it really scares me."

"Why?" I ask, my brows furrowing. 

"Because.. Because it's so different from how I feel with Steve. What we have is so different yet oddly the same. But you... You get me angry, you frustrate me, you make my blood boil."

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's.. I don't know.. It's so annoying but it's also part of the reason why I love you. I can't explain it. But you scare me more than Steve does."

"Why is that?" I reply as I scan her face. 

"Because you know all my secrets. My flaws, my weaknesses. And you have this hold over me. No matter what I do I can't shake you off. I can't shake Steve off, either, but it's in a different way. When I'm with Steve it feels like home, safe. When I'm with you it's..." 

"You don't feel safe?"

"Yes, of course, it's not like that. But I know Steve could never break me. I know he never would. I know him so well, I know what he's like. And he communicates. Sometimes I don't know what you're thinking, how you feel. You're so.. spontaneous. You make split second decisions. You're impulsive. And I love that about you, but it's the complete opposite of Steve. Maybe that's why I'm in love with the both of you, I don't know. But part of me always worries that you'll get bored, that you'll move on, that you'll leave me." 

My chest hurts at her words. I never want to make her feel like that, but I understand why she might. I don't exactly have the best track record. 

"I've loved you for years, Maddie. I held back, I left, because I didn't understand. I didn't know myself, I didn't even know my own mind. I've loved you ever since I came back, even before. For years. This entire time, I've been in love with you. Just you. There hasn't been anyone else. And I know you don't understand, you've only known about my feelings for a short while, but that's the truth. I'm not going anywhere. And even if I do, if at some point my past comes back to haunt me, and I have to run.. I'm taking you with me. Being away from you for the past two months was more than enough. I'm never doing that again." 

I see tears fill her eyes as I speak and as one falls down her cheek, I brush it off softly. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving for anyone. I'm here. I'm in it for the haul, Doll."