She brought us together

CHAPTER 84

My head is everywhere,a lot is going on...I feel like I'm losing my mother fucken medulla. Slowly but surely im becoming emotional detached from the world and my family. I hate being this person,I hate what I'm becoming but I can't help it. I don't want to lie and say that I have no control over it because I do...if I try hard enough,If I stop telling myself that I'm okay,if I stop locking myself in my room,if... The list is endless. Thing is I don't want to stop doing all of this. Its a coping mechanism...might not be healthy but its effective.

"Are you sure that you are okay and ready to go back?" Asks my mom with a face that reflects concern and worry. Its been a while since I have been here at home and I think its time I went back...not back to my husbands house but to my apartment. I need space,need to be away from them,need to figure out my next move and I can only do so in the comfortable of my own house. "Yeah mama ke sure" I answer,from my perspective,I sound confident and sure. Idk how I sound like from theirs. "Are you taking my granddaughter with?" Thats my aunt.

"Yes,she has missed a lot at school already and I would like her to go back" her preschool is actually nearer to my apartment than it is from Nqobi's place. "Haebe usure then ha o na bothata" then why do you sound like you are about to cry? My mom can be dramatic at times. Yes she has seen me at my lowest,has stayed up at night with me,has tried to have a conversation with me but failed because I had zoned out...I get that a lot has happened but I believe that im a better place now. "Jwale taba ya therapist yona?" These people mustn't start with me kadi therapist.

"Mangwane,there's no need for that. Tomorrow I'm going back to Midrand and that's it" I say with finality. She looks at the blanket that I have wrapped around my waist then at me and pitifully shakes her head. Receiving side eyes is the last thing that I need RN,I walk out of the house deciding to take a walk up the street.
As I said before I'm emotional detached and that includes being detached from my pregnancy as well. I don't look at it the same,I can't look in the mirror and be happy about it. I don't like seeing this bump hence why I have resorted to always wrapping myself with a fleece to hide it. I know that what I'm doing is wrong but I CAN'T HELP IT.

My family has tried shame,but nothing has worked. Nqobi calls and texts me EVERYDAY without fail,but he doesn't know I'm going back to my place tomorrow and I'd like to keep it that way. He's not the only one who calls,his family as well as my employees. They send thoughtful messages,gifts and flowers. Tho I rarely respond to any calls and texts I have let everyone know that I'm okay and I'd appreciate some space. They all understood hence the gifts,calls and texts have stopped. But there's no person who didn't get the memo. Nqobi is one persistent guy,although I don't talk nor reply to his texts,he still texts every day without expecting me to reply.

Some time ago my PA,Moreen called to tell me that Nqobi came to Justice Shields and called a stuff meeting. He told everyone that he isn't there to take over or anything like that,he just wants to ensure that business is running smoothly. He told them that I'm currently going through some stuff that's why they won't see me and it would be appreciated if they check up on from time to time. I guess he is the reason why I got so many gifts and texts.

He made it clear that he knows nothing about running a Law Firm but he knows  everything about running a business and that the objective of every business is to make money. So he will see to it that work goes on as normal and Justice Shields generates more money. He then asked to see the manager so he can communicate regularly with her,apparently my manager Shirley was kind of being flirtatious and Nqobi was like "Yah this won't work,I'm happily married ma'am. Can I get a male instead." My stuff then chose one of the most experienced males we have.

He did tell Shirley that he isn't demoting her,she's still very much the manager but he'd rather work with someone else. So he is working closely with the new manager and Moreen,he doesn't always go to the firm. But when he does the two are the only people that he sees to receive updates and so forth. Another thing which shocked me was learning that he had a private meeting with all the clients that I'm supposed to represent,Moreen is always present at every meeting that he holds but at that one she was excused. Knowing uNqobi he probably did his research on each one of my clients.