She brought us together

CHAPTER 109

"Mama,vuka. Mama vuka" I hear Nqobi's gentle voice call out to me as he shakes me awake. I slowly peel my eyes open and I'm met by his bloodshot red eyes that hold so much sadness in them. He looks like he hasn't slept a wink. Looking at his eyes,I get confirmation that this wasn't a dream,I wasn't having a nightmare that my child passed away. She did vele pass away and we have to pick up the pieces and try to move on. But how,where do I get the strength to do that? And the fact that all three of them aren't jumping up and down on this bed,making a noise solidifies her death.

"Good morning,well afternoon" he greets bringing me back,I smile at him but furrow my eyebrows remembering that he said afternoon. "What time is it?" I ask him,"quarter to two emini" say what!? He's so casual as if waking up at this time is normal. "Nqobi!,why didn't you wake me up?" I ask him quickly getting out of bed,for goodness sake's ngishonelwe,I should be helping around not catching zzz's. "You needed to rest,you haven't slept in two days,two days Simphiwe" "when last did you sleep? I mean proper sleep Nqobi,not this thing of waking up in the middle of the night and going to lift some weights or punch the punching bag" I counter.

"It doesn't matter,we need to start with the funeral arrangements." He says. Looking at him and seeing how he is neglecting himself makes me hate the fact that everyone is neglecting him and focusing on me more. I sit back down on the bed and pat the empty space next to me. At first he resists,saying that he doesn't have time for this but I don't back down. I take a pillow,place it on my lap and ask him to sleep on it. He climbs the bed,lays on his stomach and puts his head on the pillow. I put my hand under his T-shirt and start drawing circles on his back. We stay like this in comfortable silence until I feel his body vibrate. His shoulders move up and down then I hear him sniff.

"She's gone" he repeats two more times in his crying voice. "I have failed her. I have failed my little princess" this triggers my tears as well. He didn't fail her,I did. He told me not to let her visit the Nkosi's but what did I do? She told me that her tummy hurts but what did I do? "My little princess is gone and I did nothing absolutely nothing to help her. Kubuhlungu Simphiwe,kub'hlungu. My mind keeps on replying the last images of her,I keep on seeing her eyes rolling back,I can still feel her shaking violently in my arms. I can still see her frothing and the worst one of them all is the blood that was coming out of her mouth. That image hunts me" its my first time hearing him cry like this.

His cries are louder than mine,he needs this to just cry without feeling ashamed of it. Or having someone to stop him or acting strong,like he's got everything under control. He finally calms down and gets off the bed,"you need to sleep" I tell him. "Yah just not now. Go take a bath,ngizok'khiphela izingubo zokgqoka" he offers and I thank him before disappearing into the ensuite.

No la ekhaya we don't mourn like how our grandparents did. We don't move around ifurniture,sit on mattresses, light candles and cover the windows or paint them back. Obviously we have to wear long dresses,skirts,cover our heads and shoulders and the men must wear long pants. When we walk down the passage to Nqobi's office,I see Mamelo my brother's wife going down stairs. I call her and she turns back and runs to me,I meet her half way. "I'm sorry Amo,phephi ngwaneso" she whispers in my ear as she's hugging me. I pull away nodding my head and wiping the few tears that managed to escape my eyes.

"When did you arrive?" I ask her,"by the time we arrived you were snoring" she teases and a break into a smile. "Okae ngwanaka?" I ask about our beautiful Mokoena princess,Rearabetswe who's only a few months younger than Nkanyiso. "She's with abuti Ntloso somewhere around the house" I can hear it from up here that its already chaotic. I wonder how many people have arrived so far. I tell her that I will see her later,le yena she says that they are busy downstairs so she has to go. "Do we have enough rooms to accommodate everyone?" I ask Nqobi as we continue our journey to his office.