AN INDIAN GIRLS SACRIFICE

Chapter 32

"Aasaalaatu Khaayrum Minan-Nauum." ( Prayer is better than sleep), Fawaaz bhai calls out as he knocks on my door. I get out of bed, make wudhu and pray my fajr, I jump back into bed after fajr but can't fall sleep.

I keep thinking about last night's fight with Zayaan. Was it really that wrong for friends to hug me? Is it my fault? Did I say too much? I didn't know what to do, I felt like screaming and crying.

I didn't realise the time, bhabhi knocked on my room door, I wiped the tears from my face and told her to come in. I sat up in my bed when I saw it was her.

"Amu you not out of bed as yet. It's already 10, What happened between you and Zayaan?"

"I didn't realise the time bhabhi, we had a small fight. Infront of him Muhsin and all bhai's friends hugged me. He feels I was wrong."

"Amu he wants to go to a hotel."

"Bhabhi let him do what he wants. Abba won't let him go firstly and also he always gives me these threats."

"Amu wake up. He spoke to Abba already and Abba never stop him. He is having breakfast and then he is leaving. Abba wants you to make this right, he said he is not interfering."

"Bhabhi if Zayaan wants to go then he can go. He only knows to throw tantrums and I must run to him to make things right. It was such a small thing and he is making a mountain out of it."

"Amu what more must I tell you? You said you going to work through this relationship but here you breaking it before it starts."

"Bhabhi you don't know how many times I've said sorry when he should have. Last night I went to talk to him about it, you know what he said to me he doesn't want an explanation. So what more must I do?"

"At least stop him from leaving."

"I'm not stopping him, anyone else's wants to they can. He doesn't have the decency to come tell me or confront me because he knows he was rude and he is at fault."

After bhabhi left the room, I hopped out of bed and took a shower and got dressed. While I was busy putting on my jewelry someone knocked on the door.

"Come in"

"Assalaam-u-alaikum beta. I came to call you for breakfast. Zayaan is leaving today."

"Walaikum Salaam Ammi. That's good."

"Amu are you not bothered that Zayaan is leaving?"

"No why should I be bothered? It's his life he can do what he wants."

My Ammi didn't say anything else and walked out of my room. What is wrong with everyone? They only see Zayaan, I mean nothing, my feelings mean nothing.

Annoyed with everyone I didn't bother to go down for breakfast. I sat in my room watching tv, I didn't even know what was playing on tv, I just had it on.

After about an hour I heard the front door and then Zayaan's car, I looked out of my window and saw him drive off. He didn't even come to greet me or say anything.

This time also he is expecting I should say sorry and plead with him. What I can't understand is why is he over reacting about something so small.

I carried on with my day like nothing happened, although inside I was troubled by the fact that Zayaan didn't even come up to see me before he went.

Maybe he could say the same for me, I never went to see him before he left. But his actions and words last night was that I not talk to him or explain myself so for what reason would I go speak to him.

After dinner I went up to my room, Fathima came over so I watched a movie with her. I was telling her about Zayaan and the fight we had.

She said something that made me think that my reaction was wrong. What if I saw him with another lady and she hugged him, how would I react. It got me thinking, would I get upset, maybe but not to the extent that he is.

I find all this so difficult, we not even married and we already have had more fights than any married couple has. I am so tired of all these small silly fights, all the bickering and the tension.

Once Fathima left, I asked Fawaaz bhai to take me to the hotel Zayaan was staying at. When we got there I felt this sudden anxiousness and butterflies. I was apprehensive, I didn't know how he would react.

I asked Fawaaz bhai to stay in the car, I asked reception to inform him I was waiting to see him. I waited for twenty minutes before he came down. The restaurant was already closed so we went up to his room.

"So what brings you here so late at night?"

"How could you just leave like that? You didn't even bother to inform me."

"Amaani don't act like you didn't know, your bhabhi and Ammi told you I was leaving, they even asked you to stop me but you didn't."

"You were the one who didn't want to talk to me so I was just obeying you. Who leaves home over a silly fight. After we get married will you do the same? Everytime we fight you going to leave me and go stay at a hotel."

"I didn't want to speak about the matter last night but this morning you could have came to sort things out but you chose to hide in your room."

"I was not hiding, I didn't want you to see me crying so I stayed in my room."

"For what were you crying for? I didn't do anything that you should cry about."

"Forget it, I made a mistake coming here and trying to explain to you. I can't believe I was going to say sorry to you."

I walked out of his room and back to the car. I sat in the car, I looked at Fawaaz bhai and burst out crying. I can't believe that Zayaan can be so insensitive, he didn't even bother to say sorry or hear me out.

"Amu what happen? Why you crying? Did Zayaan do anything or say anything to you?"

"Bhai… bhai… let's just go home."

I cried all the way home, I was hurt and the one person I was trying to form a bond with was least bothered. All he is interested in is fighting.

When we got home I asked Fawaaz bhai not to tell anyone anything. I ran straight to my room, closed the door and burst out crying again.

I don't know why I was crying so much, maybe I was hurt more now than before because I was just becoming friends with Zayaan, I was accepting him as my fiancé and he is being mean to me.

I changed into my pj's and hopped onto my bed, I sat there thinking why was I being punished. I never lied before, I've never hurt anyone or did anything bad. My life seemed to be one big punishment.