AN INDIAN GIRLS SACRIFICE

Chapter 120 the end

So here we are, 8 years later and I'm so grateful for so many things. One of them just being alive and able to be with my family and friends.

It's been a rocky roller coaster these past years, we've had our fair share of happiness and sorrows but we've stood together and gotten through it all.

Few of the best moments from the past years and my most favourites was Fawaaz bhai and Nosheen bhabhi reconciling with our family.

I've never been more grateful for anything as much as I have been for having my brother back into my life. Especially after the birth of his beautiful baby boy.

I wanted to be a part of his child's life and so I set out onto my adventure to include myself into his life. It was difficult and challenging but worth every moment.

My inlaws, where do I start, from day one they have always been amazing. They accepted me into their family and today it's like I've always been apart of them.

Tabassum got married last year and moved very far away from us but the distance has never come between us.

My family have all been busy with their lives, Fawaaz bhai and Nosheen bhabhi never moved back but they do visit everyday.

Zuhair bhai and Nuwal Bhabhi have moved out of the house aswell, they felt that moving out would help them move on from all the drama that happened before. 

Bhabhi doesnt want anyone accusing them again of trying to take over the business. Zuhair bhai still handles everything but they have a weekly family meeting to discuss the business.

So it's just Abba, Ammi, Nanu and Zafar, he is most of the day out at lectures and Abba is always in his office, Ammi said that he has become very quiet since Zuhair bhai moved out.

My amazing husband has been the greatest support and my biggest inspiration. Without whom I probably wouldn't have achieved half of what I have now.

He has stood by me rock solid and hasn't let anyone come between our decisions although they had been many obstacles.

There has been many times where I felt like quitting, but Zayaan never allowed me to, he always encouraged me to kept going even though it got tough on him.

He has basically been Zayana's Ammi and Abba for the past few years. As a mother the best feeling for me and moment was the day I graduated, not because I graduated but because I could now be there for my baby, who was not a baby anymore.

I offer a few hours everyday to a nearby clinic but I am very strict on my hours. Zayana started school last year and since she isn't home during the mornings I volunteer my time then.

I am always home when she gets out of school and for the past couple years I have never missed a school play or a parent teacher meeting nor any of her activities.

I've missed a few special moment of hers but I'm here now and that's all that matters. That's what she tells me when I give her that look, that apologetic look especially when she and Zayaan speak about her past events which I had missed.

My beautiful baby girl, not a baby anymore but will always be my baby although sometimes she sounds more like my mother. She has filled my life with so much joy and has been my strength.

I can't imagine a day without her or Zayaan, they fill my days with happiness. Zayaan has gone back to working full days and has had some big cases so he's been busy.

I guess you can say our roles have swopped around. Zayana always says "Abba now Ammi is playing both roles."

I know he feels the guilt that I felt and sometimes feels depressed about it but he knows he is doing everything he can for us and I let him know that everyday.

"I forgot about it Ammi, I forgot," Zayana said as she ran towards me in the kitchen.

"What have you forgotten princess?"

"Tomorrow is ptm, my teacher said that Ammi and Abba has to attend."

"Oh baby you know Abba can't just leave work. Ammi will be there though."

"No, both of you have to be there or don't come I will tell my teacher my parents don't love me."

"Zayana is that the way to speak to your Ammi?" Zayaan snaps at her.

"It's okay Zayaan, I will handle this."

"No doll I see she has been rude too often now. It's because we fulfill all her demands so she is becoming a spoilt brat."

"Calm down babes, I'll sort it out."

"I'm sorry Ammi, I didn't mean to be rude, I just want both of you to be there. Abba is always not there. Some of the children make fun of me and think my parents live separate."

"I'm sorry baby but you know it's not true. Abba is here everyday and he loves you and I alot. He is very busy at work otherwise he would have come."

"Abba is always busy, he doesn't love me, he doesn't have time for me."

"Zayana that's not true, when Ammi wasn't around then Abba was and now when Abba needs our support Ammi has to be around and princess you have to understand his situation."

"Ammi I'm 8, I'm a big girl now, than I was smaller."

"Yeah I know that."

"It's okay Ammi, I'll tell teacher you both were busy."

"But I said I will come."

"No Ammi it's okay, I don't want those aunties to talk again."

I didn't know what to say, my baby girl has really gone big, she was aware of more than we thought.

This has been an ongoing battle ever since she started becoming aware of what has been happening. I've tried several times speaking to her but it never helps the next time this argument will take place again.

Society questions a woman when her husband is rarely around but would never dare question a man.

Zayaan has become a bit more strict on Zayana ever since she had started back answering us. He feels I spoil her with gifts so she will not ask questions.

It's just as he would do, maybe he is right we spoiling her but what else can a parent do. If one is absent the other has to compensate for it.

I wish that things were different but we all have to work to make a living. As children we realise this sometimes when it's too late and regret the endless arguments with our parent's. 

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So that's the end of this blog. I hope you all enjoyed reading. It's been a journey that has taught me alot and on this journey I made alot of good friends and came across amazing people.

I thank each one of you who took out time to like, comment and vote on the blog. I've enjoyed all the comments some have put ten smiles on my face, some have encouraged me to write more and others have upset me.

I ask for maaf if I've hurt anyone in the process of my commenting.

I did say this before and will say it again for all those who forgot. I wrote this blog not on an Islamic basis, there are alot of happenings that you might have not liked but they do happen. I didn't want to add Islam and make a mock of my beautiful religion with the happenings in the blog. This blog was clearly for entertainment and not about anyone in particular. If it does resembles someone's life story, it is only by coincidence.

I will notify you via my old blogs when my new blog starts.

Lots of love
Safiyyah Ameer