AN INDIAN GIRLS SACRIFICE

Chapter 28

It's been two days now that Zayaan is here and since we had that little incident, he hasn't said anything to me besides exchange pleasantries. I haven't seen much of him besides when it's at the dining table.

He excuses himself whenever I enter a room he is in. He has been normal with everyone else, Zafar and Fawaaz bhai have apologised to him about the way they were when they found out about the girl he was speaking to.

My Abba is also upset with me and hasn't spoken to me in two days. I didn't want to upset anyone else so I spent most of my time in my room. I felt lonely but it's something I had to get use to especially since I was going to be alone for the rest of my life.

Mahek came home today to invite us. This weekend is my Papa (Chacha/father's brother) 60th birthday, so Suhail and Mahek are throwing him a party.

"Salaams cuz. What's up? Bhabhi told me you haven't come out of your room for days now."

"Nothing, just life giving me a taste how it's going to be."

"What you on about?"

"Nothing. What brings you here?"

"It's Papa's birthday, we having a party for him so I came to invite you guys. It's on Friday night, bring Zayaan Jiju with."

"Look don't feel bad but I won't be coming, I will call papa and wish him."

"Amu are you crazy? You know you Papa's first daughter and he will be upset if you don't come. You know Papa until he has his whole family there he doesn't cut the cake so I don't care what you say, you are coming."

"I'll see. I will get him to understand why I won't be coming."

"Okay see what you want to do. I'll see you later."

After Mahek left my bhabhi came to call me, my Abba was calling me. Suddenly I felt a chill down my spine, my body went cold, I knew I was in trouble but for what I didn't know.

As I walked out of my room busy on my phone I bumped into Zayaan. I almost fell but he caught me before I could.

"Whoa watch it, careful you don't want people thinking I made you fall for me," he says smirkingly.

I ignored him noticing his hostile behaviour, I chose not to say anything because my one action lead to my whole family not talking to me, this would just add fuel to the fire.

I went to my Abba's office, before I knocked he called me in. I saw the tensed look on his face, I recognise it from before.

"Amaani what do want in life? Are you planning to ruin your future before it starts?"

"Abba I don't understand. What did I do now? My life was never mine to decide what I wanted. Before my life could start I was fixed with Zayaan," I say nervously.

"I gave you all the freedom, all these years you did what you wanted and now when I made one decision for you, you against it. Is it not the duty of a parent to look out for the best interest of their child."

"I appreciate all that Abba has done. I feel like I'm being punished. Everytime someone else makes a mistake I get blamed. Yes I fell inlove and I realised it too late, that was my fault. Abba you have to understand Aahil is emotional he is acting with his heart not mind that's why he is making these mistakes but I don't deserve to be punished for it."

"Amu where is all this coming from? You have never spoken to me in this manner. What have I done so wrong?"

"I'm sorry Abba."

Before matters got out of hand I walked out of my Abba's office. I think I was more shocked than he was, I don't know where the sudden courage came from and I said all that.

I went back to my room waiting for the tsunami to hit, but all there was were calm quietness. I didn't know what to make of it, was it the silence before the storm or was there no storm?!

After today I know Zayaan is upset, My Abba, I think is trying to figure me out. I don't care if Zayaan is upset and if he never talks to me but I do care about my Abba.

I feel really bad for speaking to him rudely, I suppose I needed him to know a few things and it all came out but in a wrong manner. Zuhair bhai wanted to speak to me so he and bhabhi came to my room.

"Amu we both understand what you going through, you know we both didn't want to get married but we ended up together and had to make it work. I know you don't like Zayaan but he is the one who is going to be by your side for the rest of your life and you as the woman need to make this relationship work."

"I don't hate Zayaan but I am nasty to him because I don't want him to get attached to me. He has told me that he loves me and I want to turn his love for me into hatred. I want him to be happy with someone else, I want after we get married for him to  find someone else and make her his second wife and forget about me. I want that happiness for him. He deserves it. I don't want him to be punished for me."

"Have you told him that? What kind of life is that going to be? You also deserve to be happy. Are you going to be alone for the rest of your life?"

"I have you guys, I can never be alone. I haven't told him anything. We always fighting, we never speak for long before we end up fighting."

Zuhair bhai leaves bhabhi and I in my room and goes to Zayaan. I don't know what he tells him but they both come to my room. Zuhair bhai tells me to tell Zayaan how I feel.

"Zayaan, Amu has something she has to tell you and from there you to can decide if that's what you want to do," bhabhi says gingerly.

Zayaan takes a seat on the couch, he instructs me to have a seat on my bed near the couch. Bhabhi and Zuhair bhai are sitting on the other side of my bed.

"What is it that you want to tell me? Please do not hesitate and say what is in your heart and mind," Zayaan says.

"I know we haven't really gotten along, I've always had resentment towards you, it's not your fault and I know you don't deserve it. I'm nasty to you so that the love you have for me can turn into hatred..."

"That will never happen."

"Let me finish please."

"Sorry go on."

"After we get married, I want you to find a second wife. You can give her all the rights as a wife, all your property, everything, I don't want any of it. I am asking you to do this because I want you to be happy, to have the happiness I can't give you. That love and companionship that I will never be able to give you. I don't mind even if I don't see you because you spending time with her. We can become friends but if she is okay with it. She will have all rights over you. I will not claim any right to you or your time."

"Is all this a joke to you? Is marriage a play for you? Don't you appreciate anyone's love? I can't believe you would even suggest I take a second wife. That would never happen. What about you? Should I just leave you. I love you and no matter how much you try to fill my mind with hatred, I will never hate you. I'm not leaving you for anyone else. Even if it means I have to wait for you my whole life I will. Do you get that?"

"Zayaan please try to understand, this is no joke for me. I'm serious about what I'm saying. At least consider it, don't say you will never take another wife because somewhere down the line you will feel lonely and you will need someone by your side."

"I will have you by my side, even if you never love me or never speak to me, just seeing you will fill my life with love. I will never be alone because you will be with me."

"Don't be crazy. Someone can't spend their life like that."

"You will be spending your life like that so why not me."

I had nothing to say to him, he was being stubborn. I turned to look at bhabhi and bhai for some help, but both of them sat there with tears in their eyes. They both looked at me and said the same thing at the same time.

"He loves you alot Amu."

I looked at them with disappointment, here I was looking for help and they turned out to help him. Zayaan stood up and walked towards the door, he looked at me and said.

"Don't insult my love for you again. I really love you with all my heart. Find it in you to at least be nice to me. I don't want to fight with you."