AN INDIAN GIRLS SACRIFICE

Chapter 39

It's been three hours since I woke up for fajr, I couldn't go back to sleep. I sat at the window looking out,  maybe for some light on what I should do. I barely got 3 hours of proper sleep last night,  my mind was racing with thoughts.

My mornings usually are very predictable, I take a shower, get dressed and head down for breakfast but today it was nothing like that. I paced in my room trying to come to some sort of decision but to no avail.

Is it right to bring a child into your home and have a nanny look after him? Is it okay to be selfish? But then what happens to the child? Shouldn't his father take responsibility?

Maybe I'm being selfish but I think it's a different situation if the child has no parent left, maybe then I would have not seen it as a problem. Do I really want to have my inlaws against me?

Sameer could be using this as an excuse to get away from his responsibility. I am so confused and overwhelmed with thoughts. Maybe I need to stop thinking for a few minutes.

I decide to take a shower, as I get out of the shower I hear a knock on my room door, I opened the bathroom door and shouted out for the person to come in and have a seat.

When I got out of the bathroom, bhabhi was sitting on my bed. She looked worried, I put down my brush on the dressing table and went up to her.

"What's wrong bhabhi? You look tensed."

"Amu I got something to tell you. I'm going against your brother an telling you this but I feel you should know."

"What is it bhabhi? Is that the argument you and bhai were having yesterday?"

"Yeah. Zayaan's sister called me and told me something that is very sad but also very disturbing."

"Bhabhi I think I know what it is. Zayaan called me yesterday after the movie. He said that Nafeesa is terminally ill and she wants to give Zayaan and I custody of Azaad."

"You know? How come you didn't say anything? Do you know how stressed I have been?"

"I couldn't sleep last night, I'm awake from fajr. My mind hasn't stopped racing. If Abba finds out he will tell Uncle Gulaam, then they will get to know that Zayaan is in touch with Nafeesa. It's going to cause a big problem. Besides that bhabhi I don't know what to do. I don't want to be selfish but I'm not ready to take care of a child."

"Oh Amu. I really don't know what to tell you. Only a strong woman would say yes. I don't think it's selfish I think it's being practical. Azaad has a father, Zayaan can employ the father so he can keep an eye on Azaad and knows that he will be cared for."

"What did Zuhair bhai have to say?"

"He said he wants to speak to Zayaan."

"No bhabhi please stop him. Zayaan is going through so much I don't think it's fair to worry him."

"But Amu how can he just expect you to be okay with this. It's not right, you have your whole career and life ahead. This was never your plan, you always said you don't want kids immediately, you want to make a good career first."

"Zayaan doesn't expect anything bhabhi. He asked me to consider it but he's okay with me saying no. He knows I want to focus on my career. Bhabhi make it easier on me and help me come to a conclusion. I need your support and advise."

"We always here for you Amu. Your bhai and I will stand by your side no matter what happens."

After my chat with bhabhi I phoned Zayaan, why did his sister call my bhai and bhabhi? She caused my bhabhi pain and that I will not stand. She gave them unnecessary tension. I somehow feel this is all a plan but that I can't tell him.

"Assalaam-u-alaikum, how you doing?" I say cautiously.

"WalaikumSalaam. I'm okay. What's wrong?"

"I wanted to inform you that Nafeesa called Zuhair bhai and bhabhi and told them about her being sick and that she wants us to have custody of Azaad."

"What are you getting at? Are you saying that she tried to make trouble by telling them?"

"No you misunderstanding…"

"No I'm not actually now it's very clear to me, you looking for excuses not to take custody of Azaad."

"Zayaan I never said that. I haven't even thought about that yet, I'm still deciding and looking at ways how we going to make this work."

"Whatever. You know what let's not get into this. It's ridiculous that you using my sister to get out of this."

He hung up before I could say anything else. I was upset at the way he spoke to me. Here I was trying to inform him that his sister told my brother and the news could get to my parent's and his but he refused to understand.

I had this huge weight on my shoulder and Zayaan is getting upset at me. I decided not to speak to him for a few days until I come to a decision or at least until he calms down.

He called Zuhair bhai to get some news on me, bhabhi answered and told him I was okay but needed time alone. Bhabhi said he sounded worried and said to tell me not to stress he would think of something.

I dont know if I was doing the right thing or not. I don't know where my decision would take me in life. What would be the outcome of this child's life. Should I call Zayaan and end his worries or should I think about this before I say yes.

Too many questions, very little answers and very little time. Would my parent's be happy with my decision? What would Zayaan's parent's say?

I had to make a decision and soon. I sat in my room on my couch, hours passed by and still I had no idea what I was doing. I couldn't be so selfish to let a child suffer.

I called Zayaan to let him know that I can't make promises that I will be able to give all my time into raising his nephew but I will try. I also told him that I will support him but he needs to inform both our parent's by this weekend.

I don't want when we go to visit them that the topic comes out and they both unaware of it. It will cause a misunderstanding and unnecessary argument and problems. I didn't want our families to suffer in anyway because of our decision.

In order for his father to accept our decison he has to accept Azaad and for that he has to forgive Nafeesa and accept Sameer. It's a short time for such a difficult task but I don't want my family to go there looking like fools.