AN INDIAN GIRLS SACRIFICE

Chapter 88

I woke up for Fajr this morning and sat on my musallah longer than I usually do, making dua for a miracle. I wasn't going to give up until it was over and over for me would be when he made nikkah to Raeesa.

I tried to keep myself busy but nothing kept me occupied that he didn't come to my mind. I didn't pack anything today because it would mean I am giving up. I stayed positive until Aahil walked in and told me it's all over.

I am heartbroken, completely shattered, I held my belly letting my baby know we alone but everything was going to be okay and that I would never leave my child.

"Ammi is sorry baby, I couldn't bring your Abba back to us. We will be okay my bachi,  Ammi can't wait to hold you," I said as tears rolled out.

Aahil walked up to me and gave me a hug, he went to the garage and took out some boxes,  he started packing, not long Aadil, Tasneem and Shiraz were here to help. They all got the news and knew I said I will pack after I hear Zayaan has married again.

I called Ammi to let her know that I was coming back, she wanted to send Zuhair bhai to fetch me but I told her that I will be coming with Aahil. I told her that I am busy packing and will be there in a couple of days.

I know she is disheartened, I know my whole family is, just like me they all had hope that Zayaan would remember before he got married but he didn't. I said from the beginning that I am not ready for a polygamous marriage and I certainly will not share my husband.

I don't have alot of things so we managed to pack everything today, I had a courier company fetch all the boxes and send them to my parents, Aahil and I moved out of the house, we decided to stay at the hotel.

I had one of the hotel staff drop off the house keys to Tabassum. I didn't tell them as yet that I was moving, I knew they were busy with the wedding and I didn't want to disturb them.
After lunch I felt tired so I decided to go up to my room to rest.

Since I'm no longer staying here until the end of the month, I cancelled my appointment with the gynaecologist. Bhabhi made an appointment for me that side. I spoke to Ammi as well, apparently my inlaws called and asked to meet with my parents, I don't know what do they want, we've been through alot already.

A few hours later Aahil came to check on me, I opened the door and spotted Raeesa and Zayaan in the passage, I grabbed Aahil in and closed the door, I ended up against the wall and Aahil against me.

He gazed into my eyes, put his hand around my waist and gave me a hug and a peck on my forehead. I pushed him away and walked towards the bed, I turned around and he had a confused look on his face.

"What do you think you doing? I'm married and you know that."

"Amu I thought because you pulled…"

"You thought you could take advantage of the situation."

"No Amu I wouldn't do that, I'm sorry it won't happen again."

"Aahil I only pulled you in because I saw Zayaan and Raeesa here."

"What! What are they doing here?"

"I don't know but we need to find out how long they going to stay here."

Aahil enquired at reception and he found out that they were going to stay here for two days. We leaving tomorrow morning, we will have to be very careful. I don't want them to see us.

We ordered dinner and ate in my room, I was taking no chances. It hurt me to see them together, it reminds me of how hopeless I was and that because I couldn't do anything my child will have to grow up without a father.

I know it's not his fault but I find myself blaming him at times. How could he not remember? Was our life so horrible together that he had to forget it. Was I not a good enough wife? Was our marriage not what he wanted? So many questions with no answers to them.

This morning has been a disaster, Aahil and I were ready and about to leave when my inlaws pitched up at the hotel to see me. I panicked because Zayaan is in the same hotel, he can't see us together.

We rushed them to my room and I greeted them with no one spotting us but when we walked out Zayaan was standing outside my room door. He looked at us with a questioning look.

He demanded to know what was happening, I held back because I didn't want to face him. I don't know how I would react knowing that my husband has married again. I love him but I hate him as well, it sounds strange and I'm not sure if it's even possible but that's how I feel.

"Uuhhm… we...uh.." Abba murmured.

"What is it Abba? You not clear or did you not want me to know you here? Why are you meeting Dr Siddiqui."

"They here to help me," Aahil interupts.

Aahil squeezed my hand, I looked at him from the corner of my eye and he shook his head, he took Zayaan outside, I have no idea what he told him but Zayaan believed him and that's all that mattered.

We were getting late so we greeted my inlaws and then we left, Zuhair bhai and bhabhi picked us up from the airport. It was good but also sad being back home, I moved back into my old room and Aahil stayed in the guest room.

I wasn't ready to meet anyone as yet, I don't think I'm ready to see everyone look at me with pity. Abba hasn't spoken to me as yet, he has been avoiding me, he was at the breakfast table but he just greeted me and then went to his office.

I don't know if he is feeling responsible for what I am going through but it is not his fault. It's what was written out for me by the Almighty and no one can change or avoid your destiny. We all have to accept it and live with it. 

I decided that instead of waiting for Abba to speak to me I would go to him. I didn't want to complicate any more of my relationships. Abba was still in his office so I went to him.

"May I come please."

"Jee beta, come in."

"Is something wrong Abba? Have I done something wrong?"

"No beta."

"Should I have not come here, is Abba not happy to see me?"

"I'm always happy to see you beta, it's not that, I don't know how to face you. I'm the one who brought this proposal for you and today… maybe I should have just left you with Aahil."

"What if the same thing happened to Aahil? Abba we can't change what is meant to happen. I am not happy with the situation but I'm learning to live with it, I have to for my child. I just hope for the sake of my child Zayaan remembers his real life."

"Do you really want him back in your life?"

"No Abba, I want him to be a part of his child's life, I don't think things will ever be the same between us but my child deserves to have a relationship with his or her father."

"Maybe it's better if he doesn't keep with us, not only for you but for your child also. I know it's too soon but maybe you should consider getting married again."

"Abba that's never going to happen, I'm not going to do that to my child. I don't want the truth to come out one day as a surprise to my child. I want my child to know everything about his or her father."

"Amu maybe you right but give it a thought. Aahil is still here and I know he still loves you as much as he did before. He didn't say anything but I know he will never say no to me."

"Abba I can't do that to him, he deserves so much better, he needs a wife who will love him back and his own child, not someone else's child. It's not fair."