AN INDIAN GIRLS SACRIFICE

Chapter 38

Aasaalaatu Khaayrum Minan-Nauum." ( Prayer is better than sleep), Fawaaz bhai calls out as he knocks on my door. I pray my salaah and jump back into bed. I remembered that Zayaan was leaving today so I messaged him.

Me: "Assalaam-u-alaikum. How you doing? Hope you have a safe flight home. Let me know when you reach."

I fell of to sleep again and woke up only when Zayaan called to say he landed. He didn't reply to my message but he read it. He said he was in the plane already and the air hostess kept on telling him to put his phone away so he couldn't reply.

I jumped out of bed, took a long refreshing shower, I get dressed and go downstairs as Zafar hugs me.

"What's up with all the love?" I ask gingerly as I hug him back.

"Giving you love from Zayaan," he smirks.

"Shut up dude."

I leave Zafar and his naughtiness and go and check what is happening in the kitchen. I'm starving this morning, I'm so liss for pancakes but at the same time I'm so lazy this morning.

I walk into the kitchen at the wrong time, Zuhair bhai and bhabhi were having an argument. I don't know about what but I could see it was serious. I quickly said sorry and left.

Nanu was sitting outside so I decided to join him, he was reading Quraan. I always enjoyed hearing Nanu read, he has a sweet melodious voice when he is reading. I sat and listened for a while until bhabhi called everyone for breakfast.

Bhabhi didn't look too happy, it looked like she was crying. My Ammi always told us not to get involved in a married couples problems so I didn't ask what was wrong.

After breakfast Nanu wanted to visit some of our family members so I dragged Zafar with me and took Nani and Nanu wherever they wanted to go. Then we went out for ice cream and came home for lunch.

Bhabhi seemed to be in a better mood, after lunch she came up to watch a movie with Zafar and I in my room. She was laughing and making jokes with Zafar but I don't know why I felt she was hiding her tension by laughing.

While we were watching the movie Mahek came to join us, she was telling me that Papa is coming over later to speak to my Abba. I am glad, I don't want two brothers to fight over my matters. Zayaan called just as the movie ended.

"Assalaam-u-alaikum. How you?" I say fervently.

"Walaikum Salaam. Alhamdulillah and yourself?"

"Alhamdulillah. How does it feel to finally be home?"

"It's okay, you not here so it can't be great. I must tell you I've been missing you ever since I left. I can't stop thinking about you."

"You just saying that to be sweet. You actually glad to be home away from trouble like me."

"No seriously. I didn't even go into work, I felt heavy hearted. I have something to tell you and also ask you. I need you to think properly before giving me an answer, it's something that some woman can do easily but others can't."

"What's wrong Zayaan? You getting me worried now."

"After I spoke to you this morning my sister Nafeesa called. She wanted to meet up so I went straight from the airport to see her. She told me that she is terminally ill, she has cancer. The doctors have told her that she has only a few months to live."

"I'm so sorry Zayaan. She really needs the support of your family now."

"I need your support Amu, what I'm going to ask of you today I don't think any man has asked his partner to do. Sameer can not look after Azaad and Nafeesa doesn't want Azaad to stay with Sameer. She wants to give custody of Azaad to me and you. She said that Sameer will not fight for Azaad as he has already agreed to give us custody. The paper work is done it's just for us to sign when we get married but this is only if you agree to look after Azaad. I know it's going to be difficult because Azaad is a three month old baby and with your studies it's very difficult. We will get a full time nanny so we won't have to worry about him."

"You have put me in a difficult position. I don't know what to say. If I don't agree I will be the bad one because I will be seen as selfish. I have spoken to you about children and you know I don't want children anytime soon and we both know our situation might lead us to not have any children. I mean our marriage is not love or arranged like others where the couples know after marriage they will fall inlove but I've told you before not to expect that from me. What life are we going to give Azaad? We not even going to be living in the same room."

"Doll that's why I need you to contemplate over this. You must know we not going to get support from my parent's because they want nothing to do with Nafeesa and Sameer."

"Have you spoken to your parents about Nafeesa's sickness?"

"No I can't doll. My Abba doesn't even want to hear her name. They have told us before that if anything happens to her or Sameer they won't take Azaad."

"You have really put me in a fix. I will have to think about it. Can I speak to my family about this because you know if my Abba hears about this he will speak to your Abba. My family might not accept it and my Abba might tell your Abba that this was not part of the deal. I'm sorry to bring all this up but we have to consider all scenarios."

"It's okay doll I understand. I know what I'm asking no one will do. It's not easy accepting someone else's child. I know for us it will be difficult because we not a real couple, we plan on leading two separate lives. I don't know what else to do, maybe you can decide and then speak to your family. Maybe ask bhabhi for help in the mean time."

"Okay, I'll think about it."

"Thanks so much doll, you don't know how much it means to me."

"Zayaan calm down, I only said I'll think about it, I haven't agreed as yet."

"I know but just by you saying you will think about it means alot to me."

"Can we chat later please. My Ammi is calling me."

"Yeah sure no problem."

What Zayaan has asked of me is such a huge responsibility which I am totally not ready for. If I say yes, this could be a start to many problems and if I say no I could possibly be ruining an innocent child life.

All of a sudden I feel like I'm stuck in a huge bubble with no air. My whole life I've never had to make such a huge decision. I've never had to face such problems before.

I honestly don't know what to do. I'm so confused, I don't want to trouble bhabhi, she has her own problems. I can't ask anyone else, my brother's will not let this wedding happen but it's important to my Abba.

If I tell my Ammi she will tell my Abba. The last time I discussed our issues with other people my Abba got upset so I can't ask anyone else for advise.