AN INDIAN GIRLS SACRIFICE

Chapter 74

Lunch was perfect, I had everything prepared and ready before Jameel and Laila could arrive. In fact I had some extra time on my hands and decided to get a little something for Jameel and Laila. Zayaan mentioned they were moving so I decided to get them something for their new home.

It's been a quite, relaxing few days and today my rush starts. Zayaan started work two days ago and now I am starting Uni. I'm trying to play out the day in my mind and already it feels tiresome. Trying to juggle a home, a husband and my studies are definitely going to be challenging.

My morning was a evidently hectic, trying to shuffle breakfast in between getting ready for uni and seeing to Zayaan. Once I reached campus I could heave a sigh of relief. It took me sometime to get around and find my way but I managed my first day with ease.

Thankfully the day has been nothing I had expected, I thought my day would be horrific but to my surprise it was pleasant. I made a few friends which I knew I would, it's always been easy for me to make friends. Most of them studying with me.

I met Tasneem at the cafeteria and she introduced me to a few of her friends. They did everything together.  Non of them were married so they had the freedom to spend time with each other all day long. I did mention to them that I am married and most of my time will be devoted to Zayaan and my family.

We sat and had lunch together while they all told me a little about themselves. Ahmed, Hassan and Sakina were studying law, Tasneem and Suhaima accounting and Shiraz and Rumanah medicine. They all were from rich homes so they had full freedom and the money to do as they pleased.

They seemed like nice people although a bit spoilt, I didn't bother much about their personal lives and focused more on them helping me with my way around campus. I didn't intend on hanging around them alot because I didn't want to feel obligated to hang out after classes.

I got home and relaxed on the couch before I started preparing for dinner. I just finished with dinner and Zayaan walked in, he looked like he had a tough day at work.

"Assalaam-u-alaikum babes, how was your day?"

"Much better now that I get to see my favourite person," he says with a smirk.

"I'm glad that I can make you forget all your stress, freshen up and then I will serve dinner."

"Okay my love, by the way how was your first day at campus? Made any friends?"

"It was okay, I expected it to be hectic but it was pleasant, I met some really nice people."

"That's great doll."

After dinner Zayaan sprawled lazily in front of the tv flipping through channels while I troubled Fawaaz bhai with question I had from today's lecture. He seemed excited to help me and showed much interest in my first day on campus, he even emailed me his first year notes.

It's been few weeks now, Zayaan and I have formed a routine which is working for both of us. In the mornings I look forward to a colourful day at campus and when I get home I look forward to see Zayaan's eyes light up when he walks in through the door and he sees me.

Tonight we having dinner at Zayaan's parent's, we leave after dinner to the airport. Fawaaz bhai is getting married in a weeks time, Zayaan has taken a week off and so have I, I've asked Shiraz to email me all his notes for this week, I didn't want to fall behind.

Zuhair bhai fetched us from the airport, I was exhilarated to see my family for the first time after a couple months. I was glad that Zayaan suggested we went a week before. I know everyone will be busy with preparations and function but just the mere fact that I will be around family meant alot to me.

Back to my old room, Ammi had my room redone so it would be suitable for Zayaan and I, it was a bit girlish with all the frills and lights. It looked really stylish, bhabhi picked out the bedding and curtains so it had to be awesome.

"Doll does it feel weird to be in this room? The last time we were here we were not even married."

"It's nostalgic, I can actually picture us in this room. Remember our first meeting?"

"Yeah, can't believe it all started right here, it's kind of overwhelming."

"It seems so ancient yet so fresh, it did all start here, all the hatred and love all exploded in this room."

Zayaan excitedly walked closer to me and put his one hand around my waist and the other hand behind my head then slowly pressed his lips against mine.

"Now we making new memories in this room, this was our first kiss in this room."

I couldn't help but let a tear fall out at that moment, that's the sweetest thing ever. He looked at me with his gleaming eyes and brought me to his warm embrace. I sank my face into his chest as if to ask him to never let go as I put my arms around him. 

This was one of the best times we've had in my room. We sat in bed discussing our relationship and where we think we would like to be in a couple of months. Zayaan is adamant of starting a family soon while I want to focus on my career, although I don't want him to feel like I'm giving more importance to my career.

When he brings up the children topic I don't know what to say or whether I should hide my face so he doesn't see me clenching my teeth. It's not that I don't love children, I do but it's a huge responsibility. We've discussed this so many times and everytime I feel like I'm letting him down.

"Everytime I bring up this topic you never give me an answer, I know that your career is important but Amaani Malik I want to have kids with you immediately, I want little Amaani's running around."

"Babes please don't do this, not now. We've been through this before and we agreed that we will have kids a little later in our life."

"It's okay doll, I understand your career comes first and then…"

"Now you trying to make me feel guilty which is not fair. Jaan we spoke about this before so why are you forcing me now?"

"I said it's okay," Zayaan said as he turned around and went to sleep.

"It's not okay because you upset."

"I'm not upset, I just can't understand why you won't agree, I've been trying so many times to get you to say yes."

"Babes what must I say? What do want me to say? Yes we can have children now instead of waiting, how is that going to help? I'm not going to be happy about it. Is that what you want?"

"I'm never going to win on this am I, maybe you enjoying this."

"How can you even say this? What has gotten into you?"

"It's not worth it, just go to bed."

"No Zayaan, I told you before we can't go to bed upset."

"Amu go sleep, I'm not upset."

I didn't say anything further, he wasn't willing to listen and I was not in the mood to argue with him. I really don't know what made him bring up this topic when we've discussed this many times. I probably shouldn't have argued with him but it annoys me everytime he brings up this topic.

He is a good husband and would be a great father, I know that for sure, but having a child is a huge responsibility which I cannot handle right now. I'm not asking him to delay until we too old but why can't we enjoy what we already have and when we both ready then we can have children.

I have no reason to complain, Zayaan has given me the best of everything, he looks after me very well and makes sure that I'm always happy. It's just this one topic that has been troubling him, I know he really wants to have children soon and he has only asked me for this one happiness, sometimes I feel like giving in but then I think how will it be fair on our child to be left with someone else to take of because we parent's are too busy with our own life.

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