Ask Alex ~A wattpad Advice Column~

Catching your bf flirting with his ex

Dear Alex, 

Two months ago, I caught my boyfriend flirting with his ex, who used to be a good friend of mine and now hates me, when I asked him to stop talking to her he agreed but was lying to me. I found out and asked him again and he agreed but again he was lying. I tried to get over it and it bothered me so much because of the extent of the flirting (they were about how good they were in bed and how lucky they were to have been having sex with each other) and how long it had been going on (just over half as long as my relationship with the guy which was a year in July). I believe he doesn't fancy her but she fancies him -you know how you can just tell, mostly because all she does is talk about him when she's not trying to flirt with him. 

Recently he offered not to talk to her anymore, it had been coming between us because she'd message him when we were together and he'd ignore me to reply to her. I was so shocked and honestly believed him. He lied. He didn't stop, he just wanted me to think he had.

I left him and he begged for me back. The strange thing is even then I blamed her more than I blamed him, of course he got some blame and I was close to punching him in the balls but I would happily punch her in the face if I saw her around town. I said on one condition and if he lied to me again he was gone. He stopped talking to her again and screen shot-ed the messages that told her to not talk to him any more and sent them to me. 

My problem is I don't believe him. I love him to pieces and I can't stand the thought of hurting him but I don't believe he loves me and I just know I'm gonna get hurt. Should I have left him and not gone back or am I just being paranoid? I don't know what to do and I'm terrified of losing him, even now. 

Thank you for your advice which is sure to come, 

~Whore Hater

___________

Dear Whore hater, 

Well I think that honesty is the best policy and every time he lies to you it's just hurting your trust in him. And each time he says he's going to do something, he doesn't, so my question to you is: Do you really think that you can be with someone who lies to you constantly? I sure know that I woudn't. For me, I have trust issues. Once you lie to me, I will question everything you have told me and then some. Lie to me again and you have lost my trust and probably hurt me because of it. Now these are depending on the lies or secrets you have kept. If I were in your shoes and he lied to me about flirting with his ex he would be out the door seconds flat hun. If you are in a relationship with someone they should respect you enough not to flirt with exs and lie about it. If he admitted to it then that is a different story. If he said he won't do it again and then doesn't, then that is a different story but he didn't.  He constantly flirted back with her and kept talking to her even when he said he wouldn't. Now that's a problem. If he does this then he isn't satisfied with just being with you and again that's a problem. In all honesty I do believe that you shouldn't have gone back with him. If he's just going to try to make you believe that they aren't talking but they really are then I wouldn't be caught dating someone over again because of that. Unless he makes an effort in your relationship to fix these problems then I really don't think you guys should be together. We all have that someone that we love and we can't lose but it's going to hurt more and drive yourself insane if you keep being with that person. If this was a one time thing I would tell you to work it out and stuff like that but it's happened on several occasions and each time he says he won't he does the opposite. I'm not going to tell you what to do as for breaking it off or not but I'd like you to consider the possibility of not being with him anymore. You don't want to keep hurting like this and I don't want you to keep hurting like this or letting stuff like that bother  you. Because when it bothers you, oh I know your going to start thinking things like what if he's been cheating on me or what if he cheats and blah blah... because we tend to over think things but when I over think I'm actually being realistic. Lying hurts less than cheating but flirting with an ex should scream no in his mind because like I've said a million times in this piece of advice "it's a problem." 

Now lets step away from your boyfriend for a second. Let's talk about this ex of his. If you think she is the main source to these problems you and your boyfriend is having then you need to tell a bitch to back the fuck off. I don't like being nasty when it comes to other people but when a girl is flirting and trying to get at him like that (because believe me she ain't flirting for nothing) then you need to set her straight. You should have done this the first time around actually then none of the rest would have happened. You guys would have been okay and this girl would of been 5 million miles away from your relationship. But I'm not saying it's too late. I'm saying you have a final straw. You tell the girl off and if she doesn't and if he continues to lie and flirt with her then you know what you have to do and I'll just leave it like that. 

I hope this helps ya.

Alex c: