Levi X Reader A mission worth dying for

Chapter 40

Eren, Mikasa and Armin left with Hange to meet with the rest of the 104th cadet corp. Levi and I stayed behind and were even granted two separate bedrooms. I was sitting on the end on one of the beds, staring at the cover of the journal. I wanted to read more, but I was afraid I would see something I didn't want to.

"Her healing abilities are abnormally faster than other Titan shifters. Even human form she heals quickly, but with memory wiping it does have an effect. Memory wiping slows down her healing and even makes her sick. I have to be careful, I cannot let such a valuable specimen die so young. I also noticed the memory process locks away her titan abilities, so maybe she won't die so soon."

What the hell did he mean by that? Am I just some experiment? Did he erase my memories? He told me it was just a condition I had, but if it was purposely wiped, it means he's hiding something that he doesn't want me to know. No... I saw something he doesn't want me to remember. Just what is it?

"Memory wiping slows down her healing and even makes her sick."

I gained some of my memories back, does that cause an effect? I want to know... I grabbed my dagger from my satchel and sat on the floor next to the bed. I held my hand out in front of me.

WARNING!!! Some of the scenes will be sensitive and hard to read, if you don't like self harm, skip down a bit  

"If my memories were the cause of my healing, if I remember, will I heal faster? If I do, it'll prove I'm not human." I gripped the handle of the blade in my hand and gently pressed the blade against my palm. I was nervous about it because it would hurt, and I don't like pain. No one does really, but myself in particular was afraid of it. I pushed down and ran the blade down my hand. I felt a stinging pain and I flinched at the feeling. I saw blood seeping out and running down my arm. I took the blade away and stared at the fresh wound on my palm.

I stared at it and suddenly small amounts of steam flew out of the wound and the wound began closing up. I froze from shock.

"No... It can't be... No... I'm a..." I didn't want to believe it; the truth was right in front of me and yet I couldn't believe it at all. I wanted to see it again. I cut my palm again, but this time I began making more cuts down my arm. They continued to close and heal up. I continued to cut my arms, both arms.

Suddenly the door opened, and Levi walked in. He looked and saw me cutting myself, seeing my arms covered in cuts and blood.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Levi bellowed, as he stormed over and snatched the knife out of my hand.

"It's not what you think!" I blurted.

"What excuse do you have to cut yourself?!" Levi was pissed, and he wasn't hesitating to show it.

"Just wait a second!" I shouted. We both looked at my arms and watched the wounds heal. "You see?! I'm not even human, I'm a monster..." I cried. I placed my hands on my knees. Levi got down on one knee and grasped my hands. I looked up at him and saw he brought them to his lips and he kissed them gently.

"Whether or not you can heal, doesn't mean I want to see you get hurt." He whispered. He looked me straight in the eye. "You are not a monster. You are a human being." He stated. I remained silent. I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to say anything. He brought me closer and he hugged me gently. I buried my head in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I just don't know how to process this all." I murmured. He stroked my hair.

"I don't blame you. But then again I think it would be the same for anyone going through what you did." Levi murmured. I let out a sigh.

"From memory, before we met I think that I was tied down and tortured... I can't remember the details, but I do remember people were hurting me and looking at me like I was a wild animal." I mentioned.

"So that's why you were covered in blood that day. It explains a lot. But, they didn't look life threatening or anything." Levi mentioned, as he was stroking my arms.

"I don't have an explanation for that. Everything is still unclear." I replied. Levi leaned back and placed his hand on my head and forced me to look at him

"We'll figure it out together. Both of us. I don't want you to think you have to go through this alone, because I assure you, I won't let you face this alone. Whether or not you are a titan shifter, I will stand by your side and protect you. Whether you like it or not, you've always got me on your side." Levi explained. His words made me blush and smile.

"Thank you, Levi. And don't worry, I'll always be there for you as well, don't think you have to suffer in silence. I can always be your ears. I will be there to listen to anything you want to say. Because whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me." I explained, smiling. Levi let out a small chuckle.

"I'm stuck with you, am I?" He asked with a grin on his face.

"Mm-hmm! It's your fault for making me fall in love with you." I replied. Levi pressed his forehead against mine.

"And it's your fault I fell in love with you." Levi whispered as he stared into my eyes. It was silent for a moment, but we both leaned in and our lips connected. It was only for a short moment, before Levi and I pulled away.

"I'm going back to my room now; will you be alright by yourself?" Levi asked. I looked down at my wrists.

"I think so." I replied, feeling slightly sad to the fact that he's leaving. Levi let out an annoyed sigh.

"You think so isn't the answer I was looking for. Seems you can be trusted alone." Levi scolded. I looked at him with an annoyed expression.

"That's rude, but I guess it's to be expected from Captain Levi himself." I teased. He let out a groan and flicked my forehead. "Ouch!" I cried, covering my forehead up.

"Don't be a brat. You are always up to something stupid that involved getting yourself hurt or worse, especially if I'm not around." Levi pointed out, as he crossed his arms.

"You're the one always insulting me. Like you're one to talk anyway." I replied, closing my eyes.

"If you weren't so reckless, I wouldn't insult you."

"Fine then, if it means that much to you, stay here for the night to keep an eye on me." I teased grinning. Yeah there's no way he's gonna come back to this one.

"Fine then." He instantly replied. I let out a loud gasp.

"W-W-What?!" I blurted.

"You were joking?"

"Of course, I was!" I blurted, as my face flushed red. Levi let out a sigh.

"I'm not. I'm staying here tonight to keep an eye on you." Levi stated, as he sat down on the edge of the bed. God Dammit (y/n)!! But it isn't so bad, having Levi staying with me is actually reassuring. I still avoided eye contact with him though. Just the thought of it made me nervous.

"God dammit..."