The Librarian and the Fox Princess: a Donghua Dijun and Bai Fengjiu story, V.I

Chapter 49 - The Only Way Is Through

(Image credit - Lukas Robertson at Unsplash.com)

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He gazed down at her and repeated the question, "and how was I, during that time?"

The intensity of their locked gazes brought a warmth to her face. She had entered a formless hell realm to look for him once, she decided she could endure whatever was to come. Her breath consolidated into a tight ball that repeatedly palpitated from her throat to her lungs and back again. The air refused to sink to her abdomen.

"I was laid waste by our separation," he replied with a hollow look on his face. He forced himself to continue. "I need you to know that I feel ... completely terror-stricken and utterly incompetent with having this conversation with you."

She gasped. "Me too," she whispered.

"I've been avoiding it..." they both said at the same time.

He could not help but let the tiniest smile form on his lips at their shared confession. "We have been living on separate sides of the same desolate deserted island, Xiao Bai."

She clutched his hair under the water even more tightly. "So, what do we do now?" she whispered.

"I don't know, little fox, you're the talker, I'm just a rock," he whispered back. He brushed some stray wet hair that was stuck to her face and tucked it behind her ear. "Lead the way, I promise to follow."

She thought for a moment.

"I know. We can talk about this in third person," she said as she tugged onto his hair.

He looked at her skeptically.

"It'll give us some distance, some perspective.  It might make it less intense and maybe less painful. It'll be like we're telling a story. Let's try it. You said you would follow, Dijun."

He sighed. "That, I did, Xiao Bai. Fine. But since it's your idea, you start," he nodded encouragingly to her.

She nodded. She cleared her throat and put on her best storyteller voice. 

"154 years ago, Bai Feng Jiu the little fox princess of Qing Qiu met Dong Hua Dijun, the former ruler of everything. She decided that in all the Eight Wildernesses and Four Seas, that she wanted him to be her best friend. They spent many carefree days together, completely in their own world. When she shared a shameful and painful part of her past, that no one else knew about, he pulled her out of the snake pit of terrifying memories she had fallen into."

Dong Hua watched her with warmth as she bravely continued. 

 "He had always been a rock to the world, but through all of that, he became her rock. Ironically, not long after returning to the Nine Heavens with him, a hellish reality soon took hold. He removed himself from her life without explanation. She was gutted and crushed. She pathetically cried ... every single day when she was by herself.  At night, she'd dream of him ... but the mornings were always the same. She was still alone. It was this way ... for a long time."

Her eyes filled with tears and she began softly choking on her words. "Ok, maybe I was wrong about the less intense part," she whispered. "I feel embarrassed now."

 He tried to wipe the tears away from her face, but having emerged from the water, his hands were wet. It didn't matter how much he tried to wipe her tears away. She still looked like she had been crying. 

"Your turn," she whispered, avoiding eye contact with him.

He sighed. 

"154 years ago, Dong Hua Dijun, the former ruler of everything, befriended the sweetest and most precious little fox in all the realms. He had never known friendship and companionship like hers before. He unfortunately made decisions that irrevocably hurt his little fox, decisions he could never take back. Dong Hua Dijun ... is a bastard, was and always will be. He doesn't even deserve this moment with her ... The End" he said as he uselessly kept wiping his fingers over her face.