The Librarian and the Fox Princess: a Donghua Dijun and Bai Fengjiu story, V.I

Author's note

Hey guys,

I just wanted to take a moment to check in with everyone and express my gratitude towards those of you who have read my story from the beginning. Whether you've found something that resonates with you or you're just dying to know what happens in the end, thanks for being patient or even impatient while you've continued to read. I know DongFeng is beloved and people feel strongly and intensely about this couple so the emotional investment and expectations can be high.

(For those of you just tuning in, welcome! Thank you for giving my story a chance. I know it's a lot but I highly recommend at some point reading the chapters in chronological order as there is a whole foundation that's been laid out for this couple)

I know my writing is at times too obvious and other times it's too subtle. I know there's some questions/frustrations about the marriage proposal situation.

I just wanted to provide some insight into our characters and where they're at so perhaps their actions or inactions can make a little more sense.

Dong Hua is learning to love for the first time in his long life. I'm not just talking about romantic love, I'm talking about genuine concern and caring for another being, regardless if one's affections are returned in the exact way that the ego demands. And he's not learning to love just anyone, he's learning to love her. And due to her own psychosocial development she comes with her many unique considerations.

She has been incredibly hurt and abused by those older and more powerful than her. She has also, on the other hand, been very sheltered. The polarizing experiences of her formative years, has been difficult to integrate. She's mentioned not wanting to get married and wanting to be free. Dong Hua has paid attention to that.

For Dong Hua's journey, learning about love isn't about learning how to court someone for their affections or convince them they need to be with him. That's not really his situation as he's been privileged and entitled and as we know, can pretty much have anything he wants.

Love, for him, is about struggling with and challenging his own selfishness and arrogance. It's about learning what it means to try to understand and then respect another individual. Of course he has the power to just marry her and make her his, but that's not the emotional journey that he's on, because that's not a journey, that's a conquest and he's done with those at this point in his life. He also knows enough about her to know that's not how she wants to be loved and he's working hard to love her in the ways she wants to be loved. This circles back to understanding her and that takes time. His efforts, while sometimes shameless and awkward, I hope ultimately come across as tender and devoted. The equation he's working with here is understanding + respect = love, but keep in mind he's new to this kind of math.

Like many of us who have been in love, to put it frankly, he's a mess. And I say that with complete endearment. He's also not the unifier of the worlds or the Master of the Universe in this domain. In love, he's like everyone else. She has become the most important force in his life and he is afraid of losing her and being rejected. He also doesn't want to lose everything they've established at this point. I hope that readers can grace him with empathy on this.

As for his little fox, while she can be dense at times, please do not think she's clueless. I haven't revealed as much of her thinking as I have with him, but please make no mistake that she loves him dearly and they both would do anything for each other.

So then we come to the big question. Why can't they just be together?

I would argue that they are already together. They feel safe with the other. They have developed the trust to share the dark parts of how they came to be. They have shared vulnerabilities and fears with one another in ways that I would consider to be true intimacy.

I have chosen to be a writer who is available and transparent as I write this story. It's been incredibly wonderful to connect to the readers. Most have been amazingly kind and supportive. You guys are funny, witty, dynamic, and while I don't know you, I feel you. So, thank you.

Whether it's love or an artistic pursuit, the risk of putting oneself out there is why others don't do it more. It's a risk and there's no guarantee that others will be kind or consider another person's feelings. Recently, a reader left me a very long comment that wasn't the kindest to me, FJ, or DH. They announced they would stop reading my story due to how disappointing it has become. Then they ask if it gets better.

Oh? I know I'm new to fandom but is this how it works? A reader tears into an unpaid writer, announces they will stop reading, and then demands spoilers.

That kind of entitlement is interesting. If my most loyal and supportive readers have to actually read the story to find out what happens, how is it fair that I give someone who clearly should have stopped reading my story a long time ago, the ending?

But to you guys, I'll say, yes, it does get better.

I've said it before, I write this story for me, not for anyone else and no, I am not a masochist (one who willingly subjects oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences).

So, they'll have a happy ending.

I am however, a therapist and approach my story from an emotional and psychological framework. It has been a privilege and an honor to hold the space for people as they tell their story and even re-write their narrative as they move through their beautiful, complicated and at times devastating lives.

I do not recommend for my clients who have unresolved complicated trauma to impulsively throw themselves into romantic entanglements.

Perhaps unlike most people, I do not place romantic love on a pedestal, as I've intimately seen the havoc it can reek on the lives of people who struggle with deep identity, spiritual, mental and emotional issues.

Romantic love is by its nature, conditional, and true integrative healing happens best in a space of unconditional love and acceptance.

This is why I've chosen to write them as best friends, first. This is not a cover for their true feelings; they really have developed a friendship, a partnership, and a companionship unique to themselves. And it is my bias that it provides for a stable foundation for their unfolding romantic journey together.

So yes, they'll get there. From writer to reader, I give you my word/words.

This is first a story about healing from trauma. Along the way they'll learn to love themselves and each other. So yes, there's a love story somewhere here, actually several layers of love stories, just perhaps not dominated by the conventional ones.

So when wondering why hasn't he or she, done or said, this or that (which is completely normal), I ask that as readers, if you could also consider compassionately holding the space for Dong Hua and Xiao Bai as they figure it out together.

Thank you ♥️