Book of My IDEAs : Eternal Imagins of Broken Brain

The Traumas I Have to Overcome

As soon as I get back from work,

Suddenly, blood flowed from my nose.

Blood drops fell to the floor.

I grabbed my nose and headed to the bathroom.

I ripped off the tissue and grabbed my nose.

The blood didn't stop.

I stopped my nose for half an hour.



I took out the book "Secret of the 8th-grade syndrome" borrowed from the library from my bag.

And read it slowly.

What to teach my cousin, who is now in fourth grade in elementary school.

I've been pondering for a while.

It's good to teach a subject.

Teaching people was my priority.



The book contained a dark side to Korean parents.

They were making Korean teenagers lethargic.

They seemed to believe that studying was the solution to life.

Besides studying, there were various ways to succeed.

However, Korean society has long been tainted with totalitarianism.

The school became a prison, ignoring the diversity of the students.

The same was true of teachers.

So the students always said, "It's like hell."

And I was already branded a troublemaker there for a long time.

And no one has healed the wounds in my heart.

I didn't have any friends. I was all alone.

My mom was indifferent to me.

My brother was just harsh on me.

There was nothing I could do under these circumstances.

There weren't many places in Korea to ask for help.



So... five years have passed.

I go to nursing school

I took classes with people of all ages.

I tried to blend in with them,

In the end, the relationship between them and me was completely twisted.

I was soon the target of bullying.

I ended up practicing crying and eating mustard.

Even at the hospital where we practiced.

He didn't approve of me.

After six months,

I'll take the nursing assistant exam in October 2019.

Luckily, I passed the exam,

I've already broken my heart.

It was a moment of joy.



And then I became Hikikomori again.

I didn't go out anymore.



Tuesday, June 16, 2020

I'm back home from work.

I sat in front of the computer.

And I watched a video on YouTube.

The video revealed problems with Korean schools and their problems.

Suddenly the trauma of childhood came upon me.

I quit watching and got up from my seat.

But the anger did not subside easily.

I thought I'd tell my mom, and she'd probably say, "You're too preoccupied with the past."

I'm afraid I'm gonna tell my brother, but he's gonna say, "You're a jerk."

I ended up walking back and forth in the living room and sitting on the sofa without telling anyone about this.

I sat there talking to myself.

I'm suddenly feeling sad.

I burst into tears.

I've been out of breath a few times like that.

Only then did the feeling seem to subside.

I took a deep breath and completely relaxed my feelings.



What was that just now?

I tried to calm down, but it exploded even more.

Why do I live?

More than that, why is Korean society so hellish to me?

I turned my head, looked out of the window, and then looked at the floor again.



Yes, this is the trauma I have to endure.

I gave up. And I sat in front of the computer again.

And then... I logged on to Wattpad.