You're Mine

chapter 21

"You have an appointment tomorrow for the consultation and they scheduled the abortion for in four days.", Owen told his friend and gently stroked her arm before he joined his mother and sister in Layla's room, where all of them played with the kids.

Amelia was sitting on the edge of their bed, staring at the opened closet, ready to take out all of James' clothes. At least she had thought she was ready when she had planned to do so. Now she felt exhausted, tired, and sad.

"Mom?", Logan walked into the bedroom, holding his letter. "Can I read this here with you?", he softly wondered as he sat down next to her. "I know James is dead, Owen told me this morning.", he explained.

"You don't have to read it just because it's addressed to you. I know how much you hated him.", the brunette replied as she wrapped her arm around her son and kissed his temple. He was staring down at the envelope in his hands.

"Most of the time I did, yeah. But now that he's gone and can't hurt you anymore, I am willing to remember the few good days we had together. And as a way of paying him some last respect, I would like to read the letter he wrote me.", the ten-year-old shared.

"Okay, go ahead.", his mother encouraged softly while she watched him open the envelope. She still hadn't been ready to read her own letter, but this was a great start to a wonderful goodbye to James.

Dear Logan, or as I loved to call you, buddy,

I don't even know where to start or what to say to you because I know you never really liked me. And although I haven't accepted it when we lived together, I learned to do so during the few days of prison I experienced.

There's not much to do here, so it kind of makes you reflect on life. And I don't at all regret falling for your mother and loving her unconditionally, but if I had the chance of re-making certain choices, I definitely would.

I shouldn't have taken her from you, and I don't just mean the time I kidnapped her. You needed her more than me, but I wasn't able to realize that earlier because I thought you were fine, since you had the both of us. Turns out, for you it felt like you only had your mom and well, I did take a lot of her time.

Even though, you might not have been able to accept me as your father, let me tell you that I did truly love you like a son. And your mother wasn't the only person I wanted the very best for.

This right here is some kind of apology but I guess what I actually want to do is say goodbye to you.

Take care, buddy! I love you! And make sure your mom is doing okay when I'm gone.

Sincerely,

James

"I...I...", Logan started but couldn't hold back the tears anymore before he started to cry. He turned to his mom to hide his face in her collarbone as tears were running down her cheeks as well and she hugged him tightly. "Was this my fault?", he sobbed.

"No, baby!", Amelia promised. "No, it wasn't! You didn't do anything wrong and there's no need for you to feel bad about not having accepted him as your father. You heard Owen, it would be absolutely fine if this was not what you wanted and the same goes for your feelings towards James."

"They're entirely different, mommy.", the young brunette cried, trying to explain himself. "James always tried but he never felt like home and Owen...he loves me, and he shows me that he does. Not by doing crazy stuff and going all in but with small things like taking care of me when I need him."

"I understand, sweetheart!", the neurosurgeon told him, gently kissing his head. "You do not have to justify your feelings. They are valid and I know that Owen is a much better person than James could have ever been. He's a much better father, too."

"But I was so mean to him...all the time! I didn't really listen, I never wanted to talk to him if I didn't have to. He felt unloved. How sad is it to know that the child you loved hated you? I did this! His death is on me!", the boy sobbed.

"No Logan, I need you to listen to me! James' way of loving us was not healthy. He overstepped, he controlled us, he didn't realize when it was time to take a step back. You noticed this and protected yourself from such unhealthy behavior. This doesn't make you the reason for his decision to take his life.", his mother answered.

"Then what was the reason?", Logan questioned sadly, sitting back up to let her wipe the tears off his cheeks with her thumbs before he used a tissue and looked back into her eyes after, noticing guilt in them.

"I stopped taking his calls from prison and shut him out of my life. And it wouldn't have mattered if I had done this two years ago. Out of yale, he would have found a way to keep stalking. He wasn't prepared for me taking this step and neither was I. He interpreted it as me not loving him anymore.", Amelia explained slowly. "You are not the reason why James killed himself, baby. I am. And I have to live with the guilt of having killed him."