Living as a Salted Fish, No Snake on the Marshal's Wrist

Chapter 78: Conflicting Thoughts

Despite sleeping most of the day, Taio Ru had no plans to stay up late. He grabbed a change of clothes and planned to make himself comfortable in a nice warm bath.

Heading to the bathroom, Taio Ru looked over at Jun De sitting on the couch obediently.

"Is he not going to ask to bathe with me?" Taio Ru wondered suspiciously.

Noticing Taio Ru standing outside the bathroom staring at him, Jun De smiled and asked, "Is something wrong? Do you need anything?"

"He's seriously not going to ask?! Not that I would say yes, but is he really not going to ask?" Taio Ru thought a mix of surprise, disappointment, and a little irritation.

Unwilling to stand around waiting for Jun De to make a move. Taio Ru quickly entered the bathroom without answering Jun De's questions.

"Did I say something wrong?" Jun De wondered as he continued to quietly sit on the couch.

...

When Taio Ru finished his bath he walked out to find Jun De sitting on the couch where he had left him; going over some reports.

"How was your bath? Do you feel refreshed?" Jun De asked as calm and composed as he was when Taio Ru left.

"It was nice." Taio Ru said sarcastically as he cuddle up close to Jun De. He had been thinking about how Jun De didn't say a word about joining him in the tub and wasn't able to enjoy his bath.

"I know I rejected him earlier at the pavilion, but that never stopped him from trying before." Taio Ru complained inwardly.

Despite his internal complaints, Taio Ru couldn't help but want Jun De to at least try. Thinking about his own conflicting emotions, Taio Ru felt despicable.

"I'm horrible for wanting him to ask when I have no intention of saying yes." He thought feeling depressed.

Taio Ru solemnly leaned his head on Jun De's shoulder.

"Love, what's wrong? Are you feeling unwell?" Jun De asked. He then grabbed a throw blanket and wrapped it around Taio Ru lovingly.

Taio Ru looked up at Jun De, eyes red. "I'm horrible." He mumbled.

Shocked by Taio Ru's sudden claim Jun De held him tight and kissed his fluffy head. "Nonsense, Love. You're amazing."

"I'm not. I keep rejecting you, but at the same time hating you when you listen and don't try anything. How is that not horrible?" Taio Ru explained.

Jun De was confused about where this sudden self-reproach was coming from. "Maybe it's because of the pregnancy?" He mused before thinking of what he could say to comfort Taio Ru.

"It's not horrible. It's not even strange. When you rejected me earlier at the pavilion, I was a little glad. Do you hate me for that?"

"Why were you glad?" Taio Ru questioned suspiciously as he moved further away.

"Because if you had said yes, I might have hurt us both. It's been a long time since we last made love. I didn't have anything prepared, and neither of us are in the best condition. In the end I'm disappointed you rejected me, but glad you did at the same time. Having contradictory feelings doesn't make you horrible." Jun De explained.

"You're feelings are because you didn't want to hurt me, mine are just selfish." Taio Ru remarked grumpily.

"Why are you rejecting me? Is it because you hate me?" Jun De asked trying to make a point.

Taio Ru reluctantly decided to play along.

"No, you're hurt and I don't know if I can while pregnant. Plus if we took a bath together I don't have the confidence to get out without doing those kinds of things." Taio Ru started explaining his honest thoughts.