A Leap of Faith (Part 2)

Chapter 384 - Brainwashing

1946

This is all Nyssa's fault! Nyssa is to blame for everything! Everything that went wrong, is on Nyssa! I will never forgive her! She didn't listen to me! She is to blame! She is at fault! I HATE HER. I HATE WHAT SHE DID TO ME! If she just listened to me, and did what she was fucking told, I wouldn't be like this. I feel anger building in side of me all the time. Anger and hatred, towards everyone, and the only release I have, that gives me momentary pause, is when I take someone's life. Taking life is powerful. Death is beautiful when it's at my hands. But a part of me still knows what I am saying, what I am, is wrong. I am becoming like father. Nyssa didn't listen to me. She had her chance to listen to me all those years ago, when she was a child. She could have listened to me then, and seen father for what he was, before he turned her into a weapon. Then later, Nyssa didn't listen to me on multiple times as I raised her. Nor did Nyssa listen to me when we were living in New Zealand, and I told her that we needed to lived a closed life away from people. It was her fault we have to move from our first home in New Zealand to our second home. If she hadn't decided to become a lesbian, we would have been fine. Maybe father would have never found us. Then, it was Nyssa's fault when father did find us. If she had hid, and hadn't been taken by father, he would have had nothing to hold over me. Then now, more recently, Nyssa didn't listen to me when I told her not to follow me on my journey to kill father, or when I told her not to put me in that pit. I was okay with dying. I finally felt I had reclaimed my soul, a part of myself that had long been lost, thanks to everything father has done to me and put me through. Now, there is just an emptiness inside me, and emptiness that hungers for death. My moods, they change. I don't know what I will feel in a moments time. I don't really know who or what I am anymore. All I know, is Nyssa must be punished for what she has done to me. I have spent too long letting her get away with not listening to me. It has to stop now. I cannot become the leader of Leviathan, and do what needs to be done, if Nyssa continues to disobey me.

Upon our return to Leviathan, Nyssa believes that we still need to dismantle Leviathan, but how can we let this much power fall from our hands? Why should we? Father, he was a monster, and just enjoyed killing. I now get a thrill from it, but I don't want to start wars for power and money, as that is just pointless, endless war just leads to death and destruction, and that is no good for anyone. No, true power lies in being able to influence world events in secret, behind the scenes, without starting wars. Leviathan already has a range of governments across the world in our pockets, but I want us to expand this reach. I want Leviathan to be everything and everywhere. I want Leviathan to protect this planet from those who we judge would bring it harm. That means that if thousands of people have to die in one place, for millions to live in another place, so be it. We are the only thing that can truly protect these feeble human beings. Nothing else can. There is no angel from the stars coming to save them, and all their politicians are weak, feeble and corrupt, which is proven further by how easily a lot of them are in their pockets. The only hope for this planet is us, is Leviathan, under my leadership, no one else's, and certainly not Nyssa's.

Nyssa will disagree with all this, and likely make a whole stink about it, like the traitor she is. But at this point, I do not care. Any love I had for Nyssa vanished when she betrayed me. All I feel now is hatred towards her, and a need for revenge. I will admit, I have considered just ending her life. Several occasions on our travels back from the Lazarus pit to Leviathan I stayed awake at night, watching Nyssa sleep, and thought about how easy it would be for me to just slit her throat in her sleep. However, something held me back from doing that. Something is holding me back from killing Nyssa. Perhaps as much as I hate Nyssa, and have no feelings for her anymore, I do not want to be looked negatively upon for killing my own sister. I don't know. This therefore means I will need another solution to my Nyssa problem. Nyssa could cause a lot of disruption to what I have planned if I don't deal with her accordingly. Then, if I can actually get Nyssa to fall in line, to become loyal to me, completely, then she can be a very useful tool. A tool that I'm sure father always envisioned her to be. For now though, I have to play things carefully, and just keep an eye on Nyssa, and make sure she doesn't mess with my plans, at least until I can have a more permanent solution to my Nyssa problem.