A Leap of Faith (Part 2)

Chapter 397 - Nyssa's Guilt

Back in the Leviathan base, over the last day, since Nyssa has basically regained all her memories about her past, and the sister she used to have in Talia, and everything they have gone through, Nyssa has simply been preparing for what she is going to do next. What she believes is the only thing she can do now, to make up for the wrong she committed, or at the very least, Talia believes she committed by putting her body in the Lazarus pit to revive her sister all those decades ago, even though it was against Talia's wishes. In many ways, over the last few days Nyssa has truly been dealing with a lot of mixed feelings in her stomach about what she did, about saving her sister by having her use the Lazarus pit, and not having her die. In some ways, Nyssa feels very guilty about it, knowing what she knows now, as doing such a thing was against Talia's wishes, and as a result of that, Talia has turned into an absolute monster, who has inflicted so much damage on the world since she took control of Leviathan. In many ways Talia has actually inflicted more damage on humanity than their father ever did. Talia's over all death total numbers, that she directly or indirectly caused may not be as high as their fathers, but that is simply because of how heavily involved their father was during the second world war, and all the deaths that occurred because of that. However, during the decades since then, Talia has used Leviathan as a subtle tool to completely control and influence many parts of human society, in many different countries, and both on the government level, and on the business level. Some of this has included people being assassinated or killed directly by Leviathan, but other Leviathan operations have led to impacts on societies which have damaged people's lives, be it financially, socially, or even in terms of people's health status, all of which has led to deaths, and a profound impact on society as a whole. So, because of this Nyssa really does feel guilty about what she did, in saving her sister, because if she hadn't done it, then it is possible, and perhaps likely, that Leviathan would not have been able to become the lethal tool that it has become under Talia's leadership. Then, this does not even include the campaign Talia has carried out on aliens, luring various aliens here and then either capturing them and basically brainwashing them, or just experimenting on them and killing them, as well as all the brainwashing Talia has done to normal Leviathan agents, such as herself. Nyssa just feels the heavy burden now that she is responsible for all of this, and the guilt of it is truly eating away at her.

However, while Nyssa does feel guilty about what she did, she also has other emotions about the situation too, as from all the diary entries she read, and the memories she now has, and all the feelings that come from those memories, Nyssa thinks that there may have been nothing to do but save her sister. At the end of the day, back then, Nyssa loved Talia so much, and could not imagine a life without her sister, who in many ways was also like a maternal figure to her too, as Talia basically raised her to. So, even if in the long run not saving Talia would have been the better thing to do, just sitting there, and watching Talia die, who she loved so much, when there was something she could do to save her, would have just utterly destroyed Nyssa. Nyssa isn't sure if she would have been able to recover from such a devastation, as she would have truly been alone at that point, as Talia is all she had in her life. Then, at the same time, Nyssa does also think that even if she did not save Talia, it is possible that someone else would have just filled the power vacuum that Talia would have taken over otherwise. It is possible someone else would have been able to take control of Leviathan and then use it for even worse measures than Talia already has, as Nyssa knows that she would have never gone back to Leviathan and tried to dismantle it if Talia had died. So it is possible that by saving Talia Nyssa may have prevented something even worse from happening, by even worse people damaging society than Talia. However, that latter point really does not bring Nyssa much comfort.

Ultimately, while Nyssa recognises that she will never be able to know if what she did, saving Talia by using the Lazarus pit, was the right decision or not, she still does feel so much guilt about everything that Talia has done that she knows she will never find comfort in the decision she has made. Nyssa is the type of person, now she has her memories back, that truly does care about people, and does not want to see war, or mass deaths. So, it makes Nyssa truly sick to think that she is directly responsible for the campaign Talia has conducted on society. Then, at the same time, Nyssa feels even more sick about the fact that she has also been directly responsible for many deaths, by her own hands, as after Talia brainwashed her, which she did several times, her sister turned her into a weapon, her ultimate sword to be used to conduct various Leviathan operations. Nyssa now remembers every single Leviathan mission she was sent on, which includes so many people that she killed herself, or set events into motion so that someone was killed. Nyssa feels the blood of those people directly on her hands now, and that weighs so much on her. From this, in many ways the guilt Nyssa is feeling now, is just too much to bear, and Nyssa has thought that taking her own life would be her fitting punishment for everything she has done. However, at the same time, Nyssa thinks that would be the coward's way out for her, as she would be taking the easy exit, rather than living with her guilt and trying to spend her time making up for what she has done, even if she will never be able to make up for everything completely, at least from her point of view. So, because of all this, Nyssa knows she needs to do things to make up for what she has done, and this will begin with destroying the very evil that started all this, the Lazarus pit.